Girlfriends who tell it like it is, no holding back, are the best girlfriends you could have and I’m so blessed to have not just one, but two or three (at least)
MsP and I email back and forth all sorts of narratives on all sorts of topics. I hope she won’t mind me sharing but what she writes is so valuable.
Sometimes our job as a Mum is to stand back and let them fall or trip up for them to realize the consequences. It's not cruel it's a life lesson. Better that they fall over a small bit of homework now than something big later on. Our job is then to be there to help them pick up the pieces & make it right. To guide them through the consequences of their 'mistake'. Sometimes I think we are scared to let our kids make mistakes these days but they also provide vital learning lessons. The hardest thing is to know when to stand back and let them make a mistake.
If she won't choose the book, give her the responsibility & stop cajoling/nagging. Explain to her, calmly, that this is expected and the consequences from the teacher if she doesn't do it & how she will look to her class mates. And then (this is the hard part) stand back and let her decide. She may surprise you. Don't mention it again unless she asks you for help, if she flunks it pick her up after & discuss what happened.
I hope that there are times when my words have resonated with her as much as hers did with me today.
MrsH emailed me one of the longest emails she has sent this past 5 years. I could HEAR HER speaking to me – she started with ‘I am only going to say this once’ and that’s all she had to say.
One of several things MrsH said that really hit home was:
The teachers are the teachers. The Mum and Dad’s are the supporters. WE don’t have to do absolutely everything. That’s why they made teachers and doctors and nurses and builders and tillers and whatever else you want to put in the list. WE just have to be there, all the time, to do the mending and the healing and to love and laugh and be proud of every small little achievement.
I have to remember MissM’s only 7 but she’s already lived a rich life. She’s lived in (now) 4 countries, been to (now) 4 schools (if you include Coogee Public School in Sydney – TWICE), has learnt to say HELLO to a room full of strangers and walk away with a friend, and how to say goodbye to dear friends; to say HI and BYE to family and friends who visit; to accept and celebrate the differences between cultures and to know where home is.
If her handwriting is a tad messy ……..
If counts on her fingers …….
Today I made the conscious decision on several occassions to let things play out their course, I didn't intervene, or comment, or suggest and not only was the result acceptable, MissM and I didn't fight, or raise voices, or be at loggerheads.
Today was a good day, the first of many many more.
Thank you dear girlfriends for taking the time to kick me in the butt and tell me to back off and relax,
Love you more for the truth you’ve shared,