Monday, 27 August 2012

Balancing working hours/family time/alone time/couple time

It’s a Bank Holiday weekend in the UK and we decided last minute to go to the White Cliffs of Dover and Dover Castle and stay overnight, doing Bodiam Castle and
Birling Gap on the way home.

The White Cliffs of Dover on a very windy Saturday

Magnificent Dover Castle

Beautiful Bodiam Castle

Birling Gap and Seven Sisters

It was a fun two days. We remembered how much we enjoyed these sorts of weekend and made a point to start planning the next one ASAP.

The funny thing is, husbands at golf now and I’m feeling muddled.

He doesn’t drink, gave up smoking a few years ago (yeah him) and doesn’t gamble. His only vice is his golf and even then he hasn’t played regularly for nearly 6 years.
Ireland was expensive to play and he doesn’t enjoy playing links.

Japan was ridiculously expensive and you had to know ‘someone’ to get a game so the clubs sat in our hall cupboard for 3 years other than the odd occasion when he felt energetic to schlep them on holidays with us.
Enjoying a game on Bin Tan Island June 2011

The prettier the course, the harder the holes

One of the fairways

He’s had a few games these past few months having met a dad of a friend of MissM’s who plays, and played with work colleagues. Soon he’ll make a decision and join a local club so he can acquire a handicap again for competitions.

Being a golf widow (love that term) is something I’m not that used to but he did play often in Sydney but I always had something to do while he played (art galleries, catching up with friends, a chick flick), or he played a round with his dad and MIL and SIL popped over for lunch and to play with MissM when she was tiny.

Think if he joins a club and plays regularly MissM and I will make sure we have something fabulous to do too like a matinee show (something DH wouldn’t do)

My dilemma now however is slightly selfish and mean ……..

I’ve had nearly 9 weeks of pretty close to 24/7 time with MissM and am so close to breaking it’s not funny, yet here I sit, at the laptop in my pjs’ texting a response of ‘no honey it’s fine you stay and play another 9 holes’

And I do mean it!

My darling husband deserves his time alone, to be doing what he really enjoys and is good at, to have some ‘personal time’ (gosh I get so much of it when MissM’s at school I’m practically bored at times)

So why am I also thinking ‘it’s a frickin’ long weekend, you should be with us not playing golf’ when all we’re doing is washing, ironing, Skyping with Mum and in-laws, MissM’s content to play (she’s tired from walking in the wind these past two days) and we’ve a busy week coming up (finally!)

Why did I not feel right saying that to him? Surely he knew the answer when he texted.

He is so entitled to HIS time – HIS headspace, away from the office, and the phone, and us too. Like I have time away from them during the week when they are at work and school.

The whole time with family, time with self, time for work, time with partner, time with kids (how do you do it with more than one?) is a shocking one to navigate.
So, he’s decided to play a few more rounds and we’ll pop out for dinner.

Sounds like a nice balance to me.

With friendship

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