Insomnia Sucks

Not mine (wish it was)

It's 12.30am and I'm wide awake. Everyone else is fast asleep.

I hate being awake now. It's very frustrating knowing you should be asleep and that you'll be tired tomorrow but there's nothing motivating you to bed to sleep.

The diagram found on google images is perfect - I am too exhausted, lack concentration, have no interest in reading ...... I'm too awake and wired to sleep. I'm royally fucked as I know full well that a few nights like this, especially when it's school holidays, and all hell might very well break loose.

When I have nights (who am I kidding), when I have periods like this during school term it's ok cos I crawl back into bed for an hour or so and sleep. Now of course this is really odd behaviour, and a luxury but I can, so I do.

A few years ago, it was so bad, I did end up at the doctors and she did prescribe pills.

I didn't want to take them. She insisted I did - just half a tablet, 3 nights in a row, then none for 4 nights just to help me get back into a regular pattern. It worked. WOW. It worked. I had no idea then how bloody tired I was til I wasn't tired anymore.

I'm at the stage where I think I need to see our new GP and get me more tablets.

Have you seen the TEDtalks about 4am?

It's brilliant.

It's true.

It's me!

It's here on this link.

Well, what did you think?

Is it you?

It's 12.38am.

I'm still wide awake. Yeah, yeah. Being on the laptop, chatting with you isn't helping.

Neither's laying in bed, eyes wide awake listening to the sounds of the night.

Friends around the world are awake - we could be whatsapp-ing, or playing SCRAMBLE but that just prolongs my falling asleep.

The thing with not sleeping is that it makes me feel older than I think I am. Old people don't sleep; old people talk about how little sleep they have, the difficulties in falling asleep and staying asleep, what time they went to bed vs what time they fell asleep vs what time they woke to go to the loo vs how long they stayed awake before falling back asleep before the alarm went off and they struggled to get up.

It's as boring and mundane as talking about the weather.

It's 12.48am.

I've yawned twice - yeah, maybe I'm tired.

I do know if I stay here chatting any longer, I'll be royally fucked tomorrow for mahjong.

So I'm going to go to bed and will myself to sleep.

And if I can't, I might see who's online and whatsapp a friend.

Good night,
Sweet Dreams,

x