ms-havachat's education - Orientation

Again, Google Images has what I need to express today's chat

Today, MissM started her 6th school. It's only the second time she's started on the first day of school with everyone else. Every other time it's been mid-term which is hard going.

Every time she starts school I go thru the same feelings. It's odd to expect your child to walk into a totally unknown environment, with people she doesn't know and have fun! Fit in! Make a friend!

She didn't sleep much last night due to excitement and nerves.

We were up early and at school 20 minutes early for Orientation and as other people were walking into school, we did too.

We can't remember the last time we saw her so confident and sassy - well, we can. It was at the International School in Yokohama. As she said 'the kids are all like me, expats. We belong together' and she's right.

She also said 'starting a new school every couple of years is what I do, like you join a new International Women's Club or daddy starts a new job'

I'm guessing some of you are thinking WOW .... while others are thinking SAD.

I'm kinda in the middle of both emotions.

While I love school uniforms, there's something liberating about wearing your own clothes to school. I took a photo of her to share with her grandparents, and could not quite believe the young teenager the camera captured. She was beaming!



The lead up to Orientation has been very professional, informative and friendly.

From the moment we accepted the place at school, we've received emails from various sections of school informing us of everything we could possibly think of and then some. Neither G nor I had questions today. We're sure to have some over the next few weeks, but not today.

All the forms are online - contact, medical, school handbook including numerous policies, after school activities, sports, performing arts, permission for photography.

Like a survey, there's a completion bar which fills up til 100% has been reached. Only then can you move onto the next section.

This morning, the Head of School welcomed 79 new families (130 kids).

The Parent Teacher Ass. President welcomed us and explained the role of the PTO and invited participation on many levels. We were then introduced to key members of staff before being invited to stroll the PTO MarketPlace which included stalls promoting sports, after school activities, performing arts program, music classes, the PTO and a few other things we didn't bother to see as they were targeting middle and senior school kids.

We were given a very thick booklet WELCOME TO SCHOOL which details everything about school, the local area and living in the UK for expats. There's metric/imperial conversion charts, English vocabulary (this is usually American English to British English), places of worship, hospitals, local sports clubs, English language schools and more. It's bloody brilliant!

The PTO have a brochure with all the dates for coffee mornings, meetings and social events for the year (how organised is that?), and another brochure explaining the role of PTO and inviting participation from new parents.

After chatting to the ladies on the PTO table for a while, it was off to the classroom to meet MissM's teacher; she was ready and waiting with the kids names laminated on small pieces of board for the kids to pin where they are from on a map of the world; her laptop was open waiting for parents to enter their contact details on the Class Contact List;  MissM' stationery order was waiting in a box with her name on it, along with other kids.

We had about 45 minutes to wait before the next Orientation presentation, so we sat and chatted with a other 'new' parents. Expats have a way of just talking, of being open and connecting. MrsW arrived on Friday last week from Mexico (they are American, dad's British but not lived here for over 20 years). Still no house; frustrated by driving on the other side of the road and hubby flies back to Mexico tomorrow to finish his contract. An Aussie mum heard us chatting and joined in; they've been here 3 years and love it.

We joined a few mums/kids for lunch at Saville Gardens.

Tomorrow is the first full day of school.

THAT Conversation ..............

Most families with pre-teen age kids have some sort of bedtime routine. It's generally dinner, bath/shower, bed/read/lights out/sleep.

Depending on what time people (aka parents, older siblings) get home, there might be special time set aside for a chat about the days' events, or sharing a storybook.

Our routine with MissM has morphed from it being a shared parent job, to a G only job. I get a quick kiss and a hug before they go upstairs for 'Daddy Daughter Time' before lights out.

G was out last night. It had been ages since I'd done bedtime and I was looking forward to it, even suggesting we read a bit more of The Wishing Chair.  Little did I know what was about to happen.

She cleaned her teeth, got into bed, and gave me a hug but didn't let go. Now a long lingering hug from your child might not be a big deal for you, but it is for us. She leaves them for her daddy. I usually get short ones.

I melted into her small body, letting her hug get tighter, realising something wasn't right. Her hug was out of character, and while I was enjoying the affection, I had to ask 'what's up?'


I want to go 'home'. I'm tired of moving every 2- 3years, of being the new kid, of starting over, and making friends, loosing friends, living in different time zones to family and friends, missing out on being with her cousins, not really knowing her AuntyC and UncleS, of not being able to go away in the caravan with her grandparents, of not going to the ballet with her nana and CousinS, she has no idea how tall she is compared to CousinJ who has always been sooooo much taller than her, of not having sleepover with her godparents and god siblings, of being Australian but not knowing much about it, of not being able to choose the colour of the walls in my bedroom, or knowing where I'll finish school or who my friends will be, of having to sort through my toys and throw stuff out for the next time we move, of missing out on all the celebrations, of only seeing the people we love the most in the world for 2 weeks, TWO WEEKS isn't long enough! of having friends all over the world but not being able to see them or hang out together, I was a baby when we left and now I'm 10 people don't know me and I don't know them.

Her list was articulate, poignant and made complete sense.

I sat and listened while she talked as tears fell out of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

I nodded.

I agreed.

I held back the tears.

I hugged her tightly.

Then the questions started. This conversation was getting very serious and very grown up and I wasn't sure I was ready. Her articulation continued. She had obviously given this a LOT of thought.

Why did we have to leave?

Why can't we go back?

Why can't he find a new job there?

Why doesn't he want to go back?

Why can't we go there, and he keeps working somewhere else and visits?

Why can't we be normal and just live in the same place for ever?


I tried to answer each question calmly and in a way she would understand. We chatted about the friends we'd met, the places we'd visited, the things we've seen and done all because daddy' work takes us around the world.

So what, she said. I'd give up everything to be home in Sydney and never leave. Having all the experiences doesn't make up for not being with my family.

OMG - what do I say now? There's nothing I've read in any of the expat books that comes to mind. No conversations with other expat mums that might be helpful spring forth. Shit. Why's G out tonight of all nights? Where has all this bottled up stuff come from?

I summoned up the nerve to ask 'do you blame daddy for us living the life we live?' Thankfully she said no, he's a great daddy and she loves him but it is his job that takes us around the world, so maybe a little bit.

You never ask me what I think about a move.

Why don't you include me in the decisions? I reminded her we did ask her about school in Dublin before moving from the UK; we showed her photos of the house G had found (MissM and I saw it for the first time at the same time online). I explained as she gets older, she'll be more involved. Oh Ok she agreed. PHEW that was easy.

An hour had passed. It was after 9pm. How to calm her down enough for her to fall asleep? Do we dare continue the conversation on the weekend when there was time to indulge and explain? She kept going. I kept listening and answering as best I could.

Would you like to talk with Daddy about this on the weekend when we've time to sit'n'chat, you can ask all the questions you like and we can answer them. NO! Please don't make me tell him. I don't want to upset him. You can tell him, then we can talk if he wants she replied.

She calmed down. She agreed to try to sleep.

G came home not long after. I burst into tears. You can imagine his reaction. I told him everything. He grinned, which annoyed me no end.

She was still awake, and called out his name.

They talked.

He answered her questions the same as I did (yeah! imagine if it was a different response) why did we leave? why can't we go back to live? get a new job!

G pointed out that MissM and I are so much better at this expat stuff than he is - we are more sociable, friendlier, outgoing than he is; we encourage him out of the house to explore; we like new things ..... she smiled and agreed.

We talked about the incredible places we've been and the things we've seen. Dublin. Parts of Ireland. Paris. Copenhagen. Venice. Florence. Pisa. Rome. Budapest. Tokyo. Yokohama. Kyoto. Sapporo. Singapore. Hong Kong. Bangkok. London. And places in-between.

We giggled as we remembered friends from all over the world we've made, the funny times we shared with them and where they are now.

We also talked about living in Sydney and what that means - daddy having to find a new job, mummy more than likely going back to full time work, MissM having to go to before/after school care as a result, that CousinS and CousinJ are also at school and have commitments on weekends so we'd not see them that often even tho we'd live nearby; that no matter where you live, life becomes routine and normal and travel from Australia is very expensive and needs to be planned cos it's far away.

She wasn't buying a lot of our perceived benefits. She said quite simple, I'd give all that up in a second to spend a year with my cousins.

I had to leave the room. I was about to explode with emotion.

They hugged and chatted quietly for a while longer before she settled in his arms and he put her under the covers to sleep.

G and I chatted for hours .......

Oh the joys of expat parenting .......................

With friendship
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