ms-havachat has news

This blogging business is tricky, and time consuming, and rewarding and challenging and from time to time I have a dream that ms-havachat has a HUGE following of expats from all over the world, chatting and sharing daily, creating an online community of people who like to pay-if-forward and share kindness, thoughtfulness and support with a lot of giggles.

So, while I don't blog daily, and I'm not going to start podcasting, I do feel like it's time to branch out and attract a few more chatters to the fun. I'll also return to more regular blogs here ..... I'm working on two series and enjoying the research.

mshavachat on facebook is so much fun! I love sharing posts from my favourite bloggers or what friends share ....... and adding my own photo's and observations is fun too. In some ways, the instant contact with you via Facebook overshadows this - the BLOG - the longer chats, where we have time to dig a bit deeper and share more and for that I apologise.

I've been thinking about adding ms-havachat to Instagram ...... using the same # and attracting a wider audience, who might enjoy my vignettes and follow the chats on Instagram, then LIKE the Facebook page and who knows, subscribe here.

After numerous mistakes, there's several empty ms-havachats on Instagram but thanks to my clever teen, ms-havachatuk is up and running on Instagram!

The ability to be out'n'about and snap a photo and pop it onto Instagram and Facebook is really attractive, however I also enjoy sitting quietly in our home office, music in the background, typing out a longer, more thoughtful blog.

Please accept this invitation to join me on Instagram, and share with friends as often as you like.

The more the merrier,

With friendship
x

ms-havachat and the whole Mover, Greeter thing

There are expats the world over lamenting the loss of friend/s who have moved over summer, which means, there are expat's the world over getting ready to either BE the newbie or GREET the newbie.

This year, we are again GREETERS of newbies, and sad to see friends leave.

Summer is the big corporate domino moving game, especially when school aged kids are involved. (Northern hemisphere-wise as the new school year starts in August/September). You often hear 'here we go again' or 'it's that time of year' or 'it seems more/less people are moving than last year' or 'did you hear (insert name) is leaving!'

The MOVERS are in their in their serviced accommodation while scouting the available properties looking for their new home OR they have their new home and are waiting for shipments to arrive before moving in. Some who left early in the summer and moved short distances (UK to Europe for example) are already in their new homes with their shipment unpacked ready to explore their new locale. Kids are getting ready for their new school/new school year; the lead parent (read this on Two Fat Expats Facebook page in a conversation and quite liked the term) is doing research on school supplies, local shops, hairdressers, GP's etc all the while on the look out for a new friend.

There's been lots of photo's on Facebook of packing boxes and Ikea deliveries.


Some things never change in the life of a global nomad.

Then there are all the new friends we've not met yet doing the same thing as they ARRIVE, aka NEWBIES! Maybe one of them will move into a familiar house recently vacated by a friend or buy their car from the local used car dealer who specialises in working with the expat community.

They too are surrounded by packing boxes and Ikea deliveries.

School has started the 2017/18 year in some parts of the world, and for those families it's been new routines, maybe a uniform (or not), new schedules, new friends .... I smile when I think of how we send our kids to a new school on the first day with the 'go have fun and make friends' conversations and simply expect them do just that.

Our school starts back end of August and we've already met a few new families at informal social events that school has held primarily for the new families but with returning parents/kids participation. It's a great chance to meet'n'greet the new families/kids before the rush of first day school.

Friendships in expat life are made quickly - there's not much time to muck around as one of you will probably leave sooner rather than later. Of course some don't work out, but on the whole you manage to make good judgement calls.

This year several friends have moved to new cities where we have  friends already living there! It's not even six degrees of separation! I am their main link to a possible friendship.

If Friend A and I are friends; and Friend B and I were friends when we were living in the same city and remain friends despite one/both of us moving on, then surely Friend A and Friend B will have something in common, other than me, to make a friendship from! SURELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(And if not, as has been known to happen, then at the very least there's a voice on the end of a phone call, or email support in the early days.)

it goes something like this, in an email or FB messenger:

Hi Everyone, 
(general hi's and how are you's)

(Friend A), I'd love for you to meet (Friend B) who has recently moved from (country) to your part of the world. We met at (insert) and have really enjoyed our time together. (Friend B) meet (Friend A), we met (insert where you met and how long ago) and I'm hoping you'll be a source of support and information for her. 


I've been able to hook up friends in KL, Singapore and UK! The UK friends are living literally within walking distance to each other (small world, right?)

Alternatively, I was contacted by a friend from Dublin who has a friend moving to London who reached out to me. Sadly, I don't live in London and can't help her, but I did put her in touch with a few groups I know of and was able to answer a few questions.

I love how open to the possibility of a new friend, introduced by another people are.

Some people think it's hard to make friends as we grow older and maybe it is if you stay put. You've got your circle of friends and your social life is fulfilling. People don't come and go ... they stay close. But in expat life, you DO have to make friends as you grow older, as some people don't tend to stay around for long, or you're the one who has a time limit on your being around.

My days are made so much better for the diverse friendships I have. Every day can be different simply because of who I'm sharing it with and I love that!

I love that I have a friendship group that will accept an email, asking them to look out for a friend, and that a global riendship network is well supported.

Seeing photo's of friends together makes my heart soar, and sometimes I shed a tear as I yearn to be there with them, sharing the moment.

Daily doses of friendship come in many forms - a Skype chat, an email, a quick Facebook messenger chat or a WhatsApp update as so many live overseas. There's also walks in park, coffee or lunch dates, shopping expeditions and day trips into London.

My life is sweet and overflows with drops of honey, how about yours?

What's your friendship network like?
What experiences have you had playing friendship matchmaker?
How do you go about making new friends?
Do you prefer to be the GREETER or MOVER/Newbie? Why?


To all the MOVERS, happy safe landings.

To all the GREETERS, remember you were a Mover once, be open and kind and generous with your time and support, you never know, there might just be a few new friend waiting to find you

With friendship
x

ms-havachat's blogging is back - HELLLOOOOOOOOO!

Hello Dear Friend,

Hope you are well! It's been ages since we chatted. How's things?


WOW, time flies right?

I would like to apologise for the long and unexplained absence these past few months. Nothings wrong. The words just didn't flow. ms-havacaht on Facebook has filled the void as it's been somehow easier to type out a '30 second sound bite' than write an essay.

Do you follow me on Facebook, or just here at the blog?

Why not do both? Love your company. Here's the link. Look forward to seeing you there.


So, what have you been up to these past couple of months (I know, MONTHS!) Our last chat was back in early April! But as we're friends, you know that we'll simply pick up where we left off and it'll be like yesterday when we sat and chatted.

Are you curious about what I've been doing that's stopped the flow of words from my head thru my fingers onto the laptop? Hope so, cos here it comes, in no apparent order:

• Nominated interim president of the expat women's club
• Steep and fast learning curve about the club, the policies and procedures in order to run board meetings, host general meetings, prepare for AGM, answer questions, and be available to 14 board members.
• Honoured to be voted in as President for the new year, and the learning curve got even steeper if that's possible. 
• Been on a few lovely guided walks in London boroughs (not called suburbs), enjoyed a couple of delicious lunches. 
• Tween has had a few tween issues with friends. Boy did that take a lot of hugs and chats. So proud of tween in how she's handled things. Hopefully it's all behind them now.
• Hubby's been away for business a lot! But we're ok with it. Monday - Friday are full, afternoons are busy and sometimes cheese on toast for dinner and a glass of wine, followed by binge watching TV is all a girl needs.
• Talking of bing watching
• Big Little Lies! WOW! Have you seen it? What did you think? If you haven't you absolutely must!
• Tween and I started to watch Gilmore Girls from the very beginning. At times Laurali and Rory and the parents are so frustrating, but it's great tween/mum time on a rainy afternoon.
• 13 Reasons Why. It's not really something you'd rush to watch, but it is worth watching. From a parents perspective is frightening! It's a great piece for opening conversations with mid-late teens. Social media, and how we treat people is so easily abused by younger generations. Some kids know exactly what they are doing while others innocently do what other's are doing; they don't think about consequences. MrsJ watched it and I was shocked (Based on nothing more than what i'd heard about it) She suggested I watch it - how relatable it was on so many levels, how easy it is for things to get out of hand, be misunderstood, for someone to be hurting and keep it quiet. 
• There's been Formula 1 racing with Hubby on weekends to watch.
• And the news! OMG. The news. As you know, I'm a news junkie but I find myself pulling away, not wanting to know anymore (you the same?)
• We've been in a sort of expat Limboland these past few months waiting on the announcement for the tender Hubby's involved with - we figured in our minds, if they lost, we'd be gone (along with others); if they won then there's a better chance of staying one more year pending re-negotiations of contract which expire in November. FUN and GAMES.
• That got me started thinking about 'the move' even tho there wasn't one confirmed.
• Started purging; researched boot sales (they don't do garage or yard sales in the UK, at least not here); 
• popped a few things online for sale (a few went, most didn't)
• Started making The List of Things To Do pre-move (for a move that is not happening)
• Took full advantage of lovely mornings and went for walks with friends. Did one on my own - same route, seemed to take f-o-r-e-v-e-r without company. Podcast kept dropping out as the wifi kept dropping.
• Read a few books.
• Started using our English Heritage membership on a Sunday and went for long drives to walk around grand mansions or fabulous ruins followed by a pub lunch. Highly recommend it. Gets everyone off their electronic devices!
• Invested time in researching online photo album sites to no avail. I love and miss mypublisher.com  more than I can bare - so much so, I'm years behind which is making the search even more frustrating. 
• Love my mornings at home with a cup of coffee, Skyping for hours with a friend. It can so easily reach lunchtime and all I've done is chat and sip. I highly recommend it! Makes friends feel not so far away - you'd be chatting and sipping in a cafe or at home anyways, so doing it online is (nearly) the same. We so often solve world problems and help each other too, as well as catch up with family life and 'stuff'.
• Bought a walking machine from a friend. It's in the garage. I use if when it's yucky weather and can't walk outside. I really bought it for Hubby so he can get 15 mins of movement in a day - he's walked on it once. Not sure I'll keep it much longer. 
• Have had lots of home-alone days which in the beginning were frustrating but I have to admit, I've grown to enjoy them. There's something naughty and indulgent about being home. When the house is clean, the washings done, ironings away etc it's very lovely to relax amongst it all. 
• There are times over the past few months when I've felt maybe the Monster from Winchester was returning, teasing me when it felt it could get a swipe in. I'm taking care of myself and feel confident I know the signs. 
• OH! I also finished on the school parents board. The person replacing me is going to be terrific! 

So all that's been stopping me blogging is me :) 

If I said 'writers block' would that sound more official, more acceptable? Maybe I should delete all of the above and simply say 'writers block'.

The next hurdle is 'this time of year' aka farewell season as friends get ready to leave for new adventures or repatriation. Maybe it's the annual routine. Maybe it's the fact we know what it's like to be the ones' leaving AND staying, and sometimes leaving is so much more fun as in it's exciting to be heading off on a new adventure vs one-more-year.

Staying means a long summer, kind-of; it means saying hello to a lot of newbies, getting to know them, making a couple of new friends, thinking you've a friend when you don't, missing hanging out with friends who have moved on and are settling in so communication isn't as frequent; waiting out the year til it's your turn to be the one leaving.

There's much to be said about living in the family home for 20+ years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While writing this I realise that maybe there's more to my writers block ......... 10 years an expat and you come to accept so much is repetitive while so much is unknown. Maybe I'm ready to just settle? Maybe I'm over moving and starting over. Maybe there's not much more to be said and if I just blog about personal stuff it's more like a diary and I'm sharing way too much and the reason for the blog in the first place is lost in self indulgence.

I could simply go back thru the archives and rehash, maybe update the 'pre summer' blog themes, cos really they don't change - people moving on, people arriving, making friends, sharing summer holiday ideas and tips, maybe even a few photos of what we get up to. The first day of school chats, orientation, suggestions on getting involved, making friends, girl-dating etc.

Groundhogs day for expats.

How's your summer shaping up?
What plans do you have?
If it's winter where you are, how are you coping?


Promise to chat with you here more often, and I hope you'll join us over on Facebook.

With friendship
x

ms-havachat ponders MIA - Mums in Action

This chat's been sitting on my laptop for a while now. I've been editing it and now I think it's ready to share. Some chats flow so easily from my fingers while others are there in my head but struggle to be related thru my fingers onto the keyboard.

I'd LOVE to chat with you on a daily basis, and sometimes there's HEAPS to share, and other times, not so much. The ups'n'downs of everyday life right? At times like that, our Facebook page keeps us connected (if you've not LIKED mshavachat on FB yet, please do, the more the merrier)

Anyhow, MrsD and I went walking a while ago (actually several weeks ago). I hope she won't mind me sharing this story with you. I'm sure I said then 'this is such a great topic for ms-havacahat'.

That's how some chats end up here. Inspiration from a conversation with a friend, or in a group. It's not all me all the time.

Here we go:

One year, MrsD was unable (can't recall why) to attend the information session at night for parents at the beginning of the school year. You know the one, where the Head of School reaffirms why you've chosen the school, explains the schools philosophy to learning, promotes the upgrades around the campus that should have been finished before school started but are running over time, introduces teachers etc. 

Her husband was home (a very rare happening as he travels a LOT) and offered to go in her place as he could tell having a clash of events was troubling her. 

She printed the list of teachers, they discussed any issues/concerns they had and needed to be addressed, and off he went. After putting the address into the sat nav, he headed off to school and she went out. Her phone rang not long after "I found the school ok, where do I go now?'

Well, I roared with laughter, while also acknowledging, as she did, that it was also kinda sad.

The kids had been at school for a few years ...... he had no idea where to go once there because he'd never been. He, like other expat dads travel A LOT.  MrD is away at least 6 months of the year and he's not the only one. MrsC husband lives/works in another country because they want their kids to have a normal childhood which they wouldn't get living where he is based. Another family has their dad on short term contracts, so moving every 6-12 months just wouldn't work for the kids, so they are based in the UK while dad visits as often as possible. Another set of friends are split mid-week due to the hours hubby works in London, so he opts to stay there rather than come home simply to sleep but has Fridays off to be with the family. And another example, is a friend who's husband's business was sold and relocated by the new owners to another country so he's there for 2 years over transition their kids are at a critical point in their school lives so they decided to stay put and have dad go and visit - often. Another friend has made the huge decision to pop their kids into boarding school in their home country for continuity of education/lifestyle/extended family close by.


These scenarios are not unique. Sadly, in expat life 'family life' takes many forms. There's a community of mid-week-single-mums as the dads work long hours/travel for work, bunker down with family on weekends and go to work again.

Before I go on I should say that this scenario is slowly changing and that there are more and more mums being the expat employee, with dad staying home with the kids. Very rarely do both expat parents work full time.

Some of you might think WT - you have a choice. No one's making you live this lifestyle. What's more important career or family? Change jobs! Move home! Redefine the work hours! Take control of work/life balance!

It should be that simple, but it's far from it.

M I A - Mums In Action! (or DIA, Dads In Action)

Co-parenting is not a term often used when talking about expats.

Single parenting, while keeping the absent one informed and included is key to a happy and long marriage/family.

When the working parent comes home, dividing their time between their partner and kids is difficult as everyone wants and needs their time and attention, friends want to catch up while you just want to bunker down with the family; or you want to sleep!

Two Fat Expats on a recent podcast talked about Lead Parent - that's the one who Leads the way - settling the kids into school, establishing yet another new home, making friends, researching doctors, hairdressers, learning where to shop for what, maybe even learning a new language or navigating a new culture. All this is done while the 'other parent' goes to work, or hops on a plane for a business trip.

At our recent Parent information session, introducing the Middle School program, G commented that there were very few dads there and he could have stayed home while I went. WHY? I asked - you don't travel! it's one a a handful of things he can attend (most stuff is during the day) and I absolutely expect his support and our daughter deserves it. (Footnote; He said it in a joking way, but I took it a little bit too seriously, so I'm just telling you what happened)

The other consideration to acknowledge is new families have only just arrived and don't have anyone reliable to sit with the kids while they go out (huge disruption to date nights), so one parent (dad) offers to stay home so Mum can attend as she's the Lead Parent.

I said to MrsD, I appreciate just how unique and fortunate we are as an expat family that G does not travel for work, he's home every night, and is flexible to a point with his hours so can be home early (providing there's enough notice) to join me at evening meetings.

Mums (or Dads) In Action ..... imagine all of this, multiplied by the number of kids you have! As the parent of one child, I'm in constant awe of friends. I also offer to help out.  Having one child, there's always room for 2 more in our small car; or a spare bed for a sleep over if mum and dad need a spur of the moment date night; or notes to be shared after a meeting at school.

• School runs. 
• Meetings with various teachers. 
• Organising 'stuff'.
• Getting involved in Parents Group/Association.
• Keeping the school calendar and personal diaries up to date.
• Depending on the age of kids, this could mean up to 4 school calendars
• Add sports, drama, music, art, community stuff !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Buying another pair of indoor shoes cos their feet won't stop growing..
• Impersonating a taxi driver every afternoon. 
• One car, one driver needed to be at various places at the same time - IMPOSSIBLE
• Car pooling is a great idea, sharing the dropping off/picking up
• Helping/checking/bribing homework is done, as well as musical instrument practise, sport etc. 
• Encouraging hygiene on a nightly basis.
• Managing use of mobile phones or time online with friends.
• Encouraging them OUTSIDE.
• Cooking.
• Washing.
• Shopping.
• Sorting out the weekends activities around the kids social calendar.
• Organising Date Night

The list goes on ................ so how those of you who work full time outside the home do it is beyond me. 

MrsD (a different one) once told her housekeeper 'I work to hard to keep you employed. If I didn't work such long hours, I'd be able to do this myself, so please help me and do as I ask' (Long story and it's not as rude as it might sound. All good. Everyone's happy.)

Reminds me again of Annabelle Crabb's recent book, The Wife Drought, Why Women Need A Wife and Men Need a Life.

We are a fortunate that G's work allows him to be home every night; that he's able to be involved with what's going on and I do not feel like a M I A. The few times he works longer than usual hours (and they are long at the best of times) for a few nights in a row I 'suffer' but then I think of friends and laugh it off.

Why do we do it?

Probably because the job opportunities at 'home' are less, that the excitement and career prospects are greater overseas, because it's fascinating living in a different country, because we are a team and we agreed to this lifestyle and if one of us doesn't do their role properly, the team (i.e.: family) is affected.

I'm proud of my M I A status. I've learnt so much about myself, my capabilities, my limitations, my strengths. I've put myself into situations I'd never thought about and survived!

So, to all you M I A's (and dads too) well done! Congratulations. You're doing a great job. Find a friend like me, who has one kid cos we're often only too happy to help you out.

Remember those famous words said by a very famous American Lady 'Its takes a village'. And you know what, it truly does.

With friendship
x

ms-havachat Makes Sense of Hello Goodbye

Happy anniversary to us.

One year and 2 weeks ago, we moved to the UK for our 5th Adventure (aka UK part 2) and life is good. We've settled so well and that's to do with the school, the community and the friendships we've made.

MrsP and I were chatting a while ago and she suggested we chat about how one digs deep to get ready for the annual Welcoming of Newbies as she was struggling having waved goodbye to several BF's over summer. She's working on energy to go meet the newbies and 'start over'. On the other hand, chatting with MrsS, who has arrived in her new city, she was also working up the energy to be the newbie again .... so it works both ways.

There's a great line in one of MissM's Barbie movies where Barbie (playing the role of a fairy) asks 'Why are there so many settings at the table? Who else is coming?" and the Queen Fairy replies " All our friends we haven't yet met" (or words to that affect)

I love it!

Friends we haven't met yet.

This is exactly what these past few weeks have been like. The long summer is made even harder to bare sometimes as friends move on to new adventures and you're left behind, or YOU pack up and move on.

We are constantly meeting friends - and saying see-ya later to others (never goodbye, that's way to permanent and sad).

You might recall our chat about girl dating. If not, here's the link

I'm not sure I have the answers to how we keep going ..... the hello's and see-ya's, but we just do, cos the alternative is an ever smaller social circle, especially for those expats who are 'long term'. For those of us, like me, who churn over every few years, there's a huge difference psychologically to being the one who leaves and the one who stays.

Leaving is full of mixed emotions - in most cases, sad to be leaving but excited to be going somewhere new (or maybe not. Maybe you're over it and want to settle down)

Staying is full of mixed emotions - sometimes it's phew, we're still here, aka still employed (especially when others in your industry are moving on);  content to do another contract; sad to see BF's move on to new adventures or repatriate (there can sometimes be a bit of envy if that's the right word with either of these); the feeling of resignation to 'here we go again' with a bunch of excited newbies to befriend and ultimately settle on a few new BF's who know you from this point in time and not the past.

There's huge personal confusion at times being an expat, separate to any anxiety you might have about not being 'home' with family and friends.

My role/s on committees this year are WELCOME oriented.

It means I get to meet most, if not all the newbies and the initial conversation is always funny:
- where have you arrived from?
- how long were you there?
(if you have lived there, or know people who are there you might ask a few more questions)
- what grade are your kids in?
(then you would offer to introduce them to others with kids in same grade)
- where are you living?
(then you might introduce them to someone you know who lives close by)
- are you or your partner working?
(then chat a bit about that)
- what do you like to do in your spare time?
- mention the local International Women's Club, or another club relevant to her interests)
(introduce them to others with similar interests)

The longer we are away from home (10 years in January), the more my thoughts wander to what it might be like to repatriate - what will I miss from this life? And to be honest, I think it's this - the opportunity to meet and make new friends, to have friends all over the world, to have different ideas and influences affect me and encourage me to think and grow as a person; I am so not the same person I was when we left - I think I'm better because of all the friends and acquaintances I have met.

Let's face it, you're not going to like everyone you meet, nor they you - but there's something polite and friendly, respectful about expats that's maybe missing from the general community.

At this time of year, when we feel like the last thing we want to do is open our hearts and homes to 'new' friends, it's also the most wonderful time, full of possibilities. If you're reading this and you're the newbie, take a deep breath and walk out your front door - go to an event at school, or to the local IWC ..... no one know's you're here unless you tell them. There's oodles of friends waiting for you.

To all the people who reached out to us when we were newbies, thank you!

You are my role models. I recall your kindness and friendship often.

To those who didn't and made settling hard and lonely, thank you too cos you showed me I had inner strength and resilience I didn't know I had and you have made me a better expat, simply because I know what not to do.

Where ever you are, what ever your circumstances I hope you're making new friends,

With friendship
x

ms-havachat on Belonging

Back in June, before the long (northern hemisphere) summer school holidays started, we chatted about Volunteering at School (revisit chat here).

Did you put your hand up for anything? OHHHH, do tell! How's it going?

I did ...... on two Boards (aka committees).

I told G about one, but not the other for a few weeks as I knew he'd flaunt his eyes at me and smirk (which he did LOL)

Fortunately I'm a rather organised person, and have learnt a thing or two over the years about committees and feel like I can juggle the two, and as luck would have it, they are intertwined in many ways.

I'm on the School Board (which to me sounds like the governing body, which it isn't - it's the school parents committee) in a high profile social role which suits me down to the ground and I'm really enjoying it.

I also ended up on the International Women's Club Board which is something I really didn't think I'd do here, tho I'm actually very pleased it's worked out the way it has.

This means:

• Two separate Monthly Board Meetings to prepare for and attend
• Two reports to be written
• Two lots of minutes to read and address
• Two General Monthly Meetings to participate in
• For one position, I plan/host a regular event held every 4-6 weeks
• For the other role, I am on the planning/hosting team 
• Sub-committees
• Nominated for one official sub-committee on one Board
• Trying not to get on any sub committees on the other Board (early days yet)
• Between the two Boards, there's 20+ potential new friends, or at the very least, acquaintances from several countries.
• Lots of new skills to learn from the other Board Members
• The opportunity to influence change and share my experiences and ideas (a couple have already been accepted on both Boards which is rewarding)

Beyond the work side of things, being nominated and accepted is really pleasing as it reminds me  

that despite my occasional big mouth, and loud opinions, my liberal opinions and my occasional lapse of diplomacy, that I have a wide social circle, and I'm part of the community. 

Most of us like to feel like we belong. That we fit in. That we have a tribe to hang out with. These things are possibly even more important to an expat, who moves often. If we're here for just our contract, which is 2 years, we don't have time to fluff around! We'll be gone before we do anything!

We've been here just on one year ..... minus all the school holidays ...... it's not that long in the scheme of things to establish a life, make friends, build trust, and feel at home. 

The women on both Boards are so interesting. The diversity of careers, education (some with no degrees, some with one others with several),  skills etc is awesome! And that's BEFORE you learn about their expat experiences! I think that's one reason expats gravitate towards volunteering. We can't necessarily work depending on visa status, so being involved on a committee allows us to use our brains and skills - some take things a tad too seriously sometimes, but it all works out in the end. 

It's still a good idea when you're new to hang back, sussing things out before wanting to commit. But it's the best way to avoid mistakes and taking on too much or doing something you really don't enjoy.

Our school board is itching to ask newbies to 'get involved' and I've cautioned them to be calmer about it. 

Just think when you were new and all the things you were busy navigating on behalf of the family - getting involved in a school event is the farthest thing from your mind! Happy to join in, but organise, forget it! We need to allow newbies to settle in, suss out the opportunities then pounce on them.

So, with todays meetings agenda printed out, and last weeks (other) board meeting minutes approved, I'm happy I found a few minutes to bash this out and share with you as it's been a while. 

I'd love to know what committees you are on, your role, what you love about being involved, your plans for the year ..................

With friendship

x

ms-havachats on about volunteering at school

It's that time of year again (in the northern hemisphere at least), when school Parent Committees/Boards transition from one team to another. Our school has already done this, and I am on the incoming Board (parent board/committee not the official Board, confusing, right?)

After a self imposed year's sabbatical, I'm ready to get back to being busy within the school community. I've learn my lesson and didn't jump in right away, but opted to peruse the scene from a short distance and suss things out before thinking 'OMG what have I done?'

I've been on school committees before, and if you've been reading for a while, you know I was VP of the IWCD. I've just taken on a role I've overseen but not done before. It's fun to see the similarities and differences, not unlike starting a new job. Lots of 'why do you do that' or 'have you thought about this' and thinking WT LOL.

Last week, a BF asked me for advice before she nominated herself for a position on her kids school board. She would like to get more involved in the school community, know a bit more about what's going on etc. While I was sending her a reply I thought what a good chat this would make as maybe there are others who are considering the same steps this school year.

So here goes, ms-havachat's guide to considering being on the School Parents Committee (or any volunteer role)


TIME:

• Don't rush in! Take time on subcommittees first as a means of sussing out how things are done; what politics (if any) are happening; learn the history of why things are done the way they are and if change is welcome/needed; Interview THEM as much as you can without them knowing. 
• I tend to spend the best part of the first year attending as many school (or International Women's Clubs) events (that are interesting and relevant) because I wanted to, and because it was a way to meet people (i.e.: organisers) and to observe how things are done. When you're seen to be involved as a participant, people chat with you and you soon have 'friends on the Committee' even tho they may not be Friends (capital F being the difference)
• If the opportunity to be on a sub-committee crops up during that year, take it! Another easy way to be involved without committing. 
• Whatever role you take on, the time it takes to do that role may well be way more than you are told. Be prepared, be organised. 
• I keep the afternoon/evening of the Monthly meeting free for any administration and follow ups needed to be done so they are attended to straight away. 
• Respond to/write emails and make phone calls during the day; nothing past 5pm unless absolutely necessary and definitely nothing on the weekend.
• Monthly meetings
• Follow up meetings
• Sub Committee meeting
• Administration
• Role dependant, but there are always emails (no one talks on a phone anymore)
• Research/planning/preparation
• For the first time my Committee email is different to my personal email (as stipulated by school), and I have it set up on my iPad, not coming into my laptop or my phone.
• So. Much. More. Freedom!
• Attending/participating in events
• As a committee member you are expected to participate in most, if not all the events at school
• In addition to encouraging friends to join in the fun too!
• The other important consideration is how long are you going to be living where you are? If it's a short contract, maybe you don't want to be burdened with a committee OR maybe it's exactly what you need to immerse yourself as quickly as possible into your new community. 
• Remember, rule of thumb; first 6-12 months you're really settling in, second year you know the ropes and enjoying life ..... then do you move? extend? How much travel will you be doing? What age are your kids? How much attention/support do they need?

TEAM:

• Knowing who the President is going to be before you commit, is very helpful.
• It should never be a committee based purely on friendships, but rather a committee who over time become friends. 
• Speak with the incoming President and find out their ideas and goals for their time at the helm, find out how open they are to yours.
• Like a CEO, or the captain of a sports team the President has a lot to do with the success of the Committee (or, the Committee learn quickly how to work around them)
• Understand the organisational chart 
• It might 'just be school' and you are 'just volunteering' but there still needs to be structure

THE ROLE:

• Make sure the role you are asked to consider is absolutely the one you want. 
• Know your strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes and don't be persuaded otherwise. 
• I will consider most roles but never ever treasurer or secretary; just not my skill set. 
• Talk with the incumbent. Listen to how they did the job, and ask questions.
• It's just like a job interview, just with no income derived.
• Ask lots of how? why? when? questions 
• A great question is 'if you were to do the job this year, knowing what you know what would you do differently? Quickly followed by .... 'what would you do differently'

FINANCIAL

• Every committee reimburses in their own way for money you might spend on it's half. 
• Be very clear on how you are to be reimbursed
• I have heard of horror stories of people spending huge amounts of money only for it to be challenged ........ make sure you absolutely understand this aspect of the committee and don't be scared to suggest alternatives if you don't feel comfortable. 
• Do you need to provide a number of quotes beforehand?
• How long does it take for the money to be repaid?
• Cash or direct transfer (yes! I've had to bank cheques as no online transfer option was possible)

OTHER PLACES TO VOLUNTEER:

• If school or International Women's Clubs don't interest you, or you've been-there-done-that, think about volunteering at:
• Hospital
• Disadvantaged kids
• Senior Citizens
• Community Centres
• Charity groups (too many to name)
• Art galleries, museums, libraries 
• Community sports clubs
• Church, Synagogue, Mosque
• Youth centres
• Community Arts groups
• Animal shelters

BENEFITS OF GETTING INVOLVED (in no order)

• Great way to get to know people quickly
• Knowing what's going on and being in a position of influence at time of change is enjoyable.
• It's a great way to 'pay it forward' 
• As an expat, it's possibly the only way you'll ever get to use your skills and experience if you're visa is stamped in such a way you can't be gainfully employed
• Looks good on your CV if/when you return 'home'
• Meetings, activities etc quickly fill up a diary and helps give your weeks meaning
• Good role modelling for your kids

Personally, I really enjoy my time on Committees. The friendships have been great, my diary has direction, my skills are being used, it's fun to give back to your community.

Please share if you have anything else you'd like to add.

What's been your favourite volunteer role and why?

Experiences - good'n'bad? 

Tips? 

ms-havachat - Rental Properties Whinge

Cheers, Google Images.

As you might gather, expat life is pretty normal once you've moved, unpacked, sorted the kids into school, settled, made friends, found your way around the suburbs, worked our where to shop, get your hair done, settled with a GP etc. 

However, like most things in life, to every ying, there is a yang. 

IMHO, one of the downsides to expat life is always living in rented properties. There's always compromises.

We've lived in numerous rental properties in several countries and it's pretty standard attitudes. Japan was absolutely unique in as much as you never ever ever had your bond returned. It was always kept and invested back into the property after you left so that the new tenants benefited from an exceptionally clean and fresh place, just like you did. It's super annoying if you don't know this beforehand ... but once you do, it's weirdly accepted as 'the done thing' 

Two of our homes were former residences of the landlords. The moved out for personal reasons and were not completely happy about having tenants so they really bumped up the rent compared to the suburbs they were in. The real estate agents brief was to find a corporate family, no pets, older children (we've only one, so that usually helps), and a short lease in case it didn't work out. Needless to say, we fell in love with both properties and moved in. They were lovingly renovated, with great colours, and modern appliances. You could TELL it was a 'home' and not just a building people lived in. They were house proud and so were we. 

Get a group of expats together and we all have a few things we wished our respective landlords would fix or consider doing to make our time in their home more enjoyable. It's not that we are fussy, tho some of us probably are, it's just that we are living in the property that they have possibly never done. Most landlords have the property as an investment so their attention to details is not as high as if they lived there. They don't know the stair creak, or there's a constant draft. They might not know the place needs painting, or the carpet is dead, or there are cracked tiles in the bathroom, or the water pressure is non existent. 

What usually asked for is not over the top. It's usually stuff that, if they lived in the property or indeed, the tenants were the owners it would be attended to. 

I will never understand the lack of owner pride or the uneconomical thinking of letting things go til the last minute then having a huge job to do.

They know they have a captured audience as the location of their property is usually close to school, or train stations. These attributes contribute to high rents anyways, but add the pressure of moving internationally and needing a home to put your stuff in when it arrives and you'll pay anything!

More often than not the answer to request is no. Sometimes they might agree but you pay for it and then pay to have whatever you've done reversed. That's when you and your partner discuss just how important the thing you want done really is for the time you live there.

Friends have painted their kids rooms and then paid to have them repainted the nondescript creme when they left; others have landscaped gardens, or repaired fences/side gates, or had tradesmen in to fix the draft/water pressure etc. 

Our current landlord is OK. He's explained he's not paining the place or recarpeting as we negotiated a good deal on the rent. He did repair the water sodden cupboard in the laundry when I asked him to as it was a health hazard (so much mould). But he won't attend to the creaky stairs as it's a major rebuild job, which I guess is fair enough but OMG it's so annoying every-single-time we walk p'n'down.

We are currently having a conversation about one important (to me) alteration that landlord has said we can do but won't pay for and it's the backyard. 

I would like something solid under the table n chairs ... Hubby doesn't think it warrants the couple of hundred quid for what a amounts to a few sunny days a year. 

Compromise. 

Again.

We put said table n chairs on grass this morning and will wait and see if they sink into the grass and/or aren't comfortable to sit on (can imagine a slow sinking feeling while enjoying a long lunch)

I'm kinda complaining and kinda not.

I get the landlord not wanting to invest in concrete slabs or commissioning a huge patio but a few decking squares would suffice! 

Hubby really doesn't want to spend the money on something that he sees we'll use a few days a year and then have to get rid of before we move on.

My argument is that over the long school holidays it'll be nice to sit outside and read a book, or have lunch and that it's only a couple of hundred quid to which he reminds me of all the couple of hundred quid we've spent on temporary things. That leads us to talking about our expat life, and how much longer we'll be here before we move to where ever we move to, and what large items we'll sell (probably the outdoor setting and definitely the BBQ, which we scored for free) amongst other things. 

But now I'm rambling and whinging. 

Bet you read this with a vampire voice!

Just thought it might be interesting to share what really amounts to a ridiculous situation but confronts us often, to often.

Compromising on the way we like to live, in a house that's not ours, creating a home environment to be proud of.

Think that's why when friends renovate I get so damn excited for them!

I will never be able to decorate our home with the colours we want. We will never spend months looking for that one piece of furniture for a specific place. I will always make do from the homes available when we move and turn them into our home. We will spend money on things for the time we are there knowing we will (a) sell, (b) give away or (c) trash before our next move.

So, for now our table n chairs sit on the grass and we'll see if we need to invest in temporary decking.

How about you? What compromises do you make when it comes to your home?

ms-havachat rediscovers shopping at Costco

Have you ever been to Costco?

What did you think?

For expats, Costco, like Ikea is exactly the same the world over, and because of that, memories of past homes and friendships flood back just by seeing the signage. On my drive with MrsC yesterday I bored her with stories of mornings that started at Starbucks, where one mention of "anyone need anything at Costco' resulted in a convoy of cars filled with friends going shopping for the day.

This American retail giant is now a global juggernaut with 674 warehouses (they don't even call them shops) in several countries.

I first experienced Costco when I was in Atlanta many many years ago, staying with friends.

I remember the hugeness of the hanger space this 'supermarket' was housed in; the volume of product; rather than shelves, items were on pallets that were easily moved when emptied and replaced by full ones in a matter of seconds; the range of products from diamond rings to soap; the enormous size things came in.

Why did my girlfriend and her husband need to buy 50 packs of toilet paper at once? Pounds of meat or chicken? Why do you buy a watch or diamond ring from a supermarket and not a jeweller? It was so new and fascinating I still remember it all these years later.

It was too much!

Move forward a few decades and Costco Japan was a saviour for all the US expats (bless Kirkland brand) and westerners alike who preferred certain foods over what was available in the local supermarkets, or because of larger families needed to buy larger sizes than traditional Japanese offerings.

My buddy-family-mum took me to Costco a few weeks after we arrived. The visit was hilarious and it's one shopping experience I will remember f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

We needed a multitude of electrical products (sold everything in Ireland), as well as starting over with fridge/freeze/pantry/laundry products.

I filled two trolleys (see my photo below of the trolley bay and you'll realise just what two Costco trolley worth shopping means) and as it was going thru the checkout out I realised it wasn't fair to try to stuff it all into my new friends car, so separated what could be home delivered and what I needed to take with us (frozen/fridge items)

Well, my new friend forgot to tell me they only took cash ..... I had very little on me and was planning to pay by card which is why I went bonkers p'n'down the isles.

When the total was rung up, I handed my credit card to the cashier who shook her head NO.

It took a few minutes of charades before I understood they didn't take cards, only cash.

I had very little can on me.

Once I made myself understood, the cashier was very understanding and started to put back the more expensive electrical items to reduce the bill to meet my cash; I however, wanted to keep these items and put back the food. We were living in Chinatown so food was not a priority.

She would remove/debit the electrical appliances, and I would put them back and swapped them with food. Eventually someone who spoke English came over to help translate what was happening and why. The cashier laughed with me and allowed me to remove most of the food, pay by cash and we went home .... and ate out for a few more nights til I went again with another friend, this time with cash in hand.

I continued to shop at Costco while living in Japan, and having it home delivered simply because we didn't have a car and it was actually easier to buy things in bulk and leave only fresh food items for the daily/weekly local shop. I honestly haven't missed it at all since leaving.

But I digress .................. and went yesterday with MrsC.

Now, this is NOT an advertisement for Costco, merely a chat about a shopping experience in a few countries and how it is very de javu in experience.

While you can definitely shop in the UK very easily, and supermarkets are competitive, shopping in bulk does save you money and time, and heck, who am I kidding? Costco is just pure retail fun!

Like Ikea, it's amazing what you think you need when you see it.

Here's a pictorial visit to Costco UK - see if you can spot any differences to Costco where you are. I could not find one difference (layout was a bit different, but all-in-all, not much)

MASSIVE shopping carts and
LOTS of them. This was but one area of
carts waiting to be pushed around the store. 

On entering the warehouse I smiled and remembered.
Everything is HUGE! The isles are wider than wide; the products
are stacked high, and there's so much of everything!

Ribbons! I really wanted to buy some, but
I don't need any so I didn't but
WOW, just look at the colours and how pretty they are.

Top Left: One section of Cheese.
Top Right: One section of frozen food.
Bottom Left: Preparing fresh salads and sushi
Bottom Right: Supersize pizza's

Gotta love the stationery isle. I remembered fondly the
packs of coloured paper, and sticker sets and pen sets
I bought for MissM to do craft in Japan.

Not a fan of the lunch menu, but many are as the tables were full
of lunch time noshers.

The famous pallet loads of
paper towel and loo paper.
Small retailers would buy these and decanter them
and sell the packs of 4 individually. 

Yes, we have a slab worth of loo paper and a slab worth of paper towel in the garage; 6 rolls of Scotch tape; totally filled the freezer with food (decantered each slab of meat/chicken into 'meal size' freezer bags - a very good suggestion from MrsP in Japan) amongst other enormous quantities of stuff.

I came home with a whiteboard set for our home office and left behind a plastic floor mat for the chairs to glide on; also decided we didn't need new fry pans, or a tiny pan for the perfect fried egg (at least til next shop)

I thought shopping at Costco was fun cos it was a novelty in Japan but I was mistaken.

It's just pure fun because it's so over the top, expansive, enormous and completely unnecessary on so many levels.

Are you a member of Costco?

What's the craziest thing you've bought there?

Do you buy the loo paper and paper towel?

Any tricks to share?

With friendship
x

ms-havachat - what makes a house a home?

MissM asked me a few weeks ago, how do I make a house our home.

What an interesting question!

What a mature observation.

There is a HUGE difference between a house and a home, and what you can do if you own your own home or are renting.  Of course there's so much more to a house/home than the material things, and different cultures have their own definition of the word, but deep down in all of us, we want our home to be representative of us, to be a safe haven, to be 'ours'.

As constant renters, moving every few years, it's something we do automatically. We have our criteria for house hunting which we provide the relocation company or real estate agents, we look at what's available (hopefully there's a choice, but not often) and make a decision.

It's curious MissM asked the question. She's had a new home every couple of years. For some, that might be rather unnerving, but she's settled and happy and fine everywhere we've lived.

We are always excited to move in, and get the Adventure started!

MrsW and her family moved here the same time we did; I popped over with coffee and cake the day their international shipment arrived. They had thousands of boxes (I exaggerate, but they had a LOT).  I was excited to visit yesterday to see how everything fitted (and to snoop at her stuff). She welcome me with a huge smile and the words "WELCOME TO MY HOME, it's no longer just a house".

Those words resonated with me all day and into the evening, so much so it's time to chat about it.

How do we/I make a house our home?

What goes into making it FEEL like ours?

How do we remove the people who were here before us, in their 'home'?

If only it was that easy !

Here's what we do. It's a combination of our own experiences and what I've observed/heard from others.

Delivery Day:

• Unpack boxes directly into cupboards where possible, limiting times on 'flat surfaces'
• Remove empty boxes as quickly as possible (flat pack them for easy removal)
• Keep some for storing items you might not need in this particular house
• Keep some for storing items that might end up in a garage or boot sale/or need to be taken to a charity shop
• Flatten and fold white wrapping paper 
• Donate to local school for art projects
• Keep some for your kids for art projects
• Recycle rest
• Flatten and fold bubble wrap
• Keep some for the next move!
• Great to have on hand for gift wrapping

THEN ..................

• Get the internet connected!
• Get the TV connected and working!
• Learn how to use the kitchen and laundry appliances.
• Work out the light switches.
• Make the beds.
• In order of importance, get the rooms sorted
• Kitchen/dining
• Bedrooms
• Laundry/Utility room
• Home Office
• Lounge/sitting rooms
• At the same time as the above is happening, keep the following rooms neat and tidy
• Garage
• Attic/basement

All of the above happens within the first week or so, at least in our house it does, or has. We're a bit slower this move.


Next, we turn to making the house your HOME. This takes time, and varies move to move, so be kind to yourself and breathe, you'll get there, we all do :)

• Make a list of the new items of furniture you might need (not every place you rent has what you need in terms of storage)
• Think about your ideas for a week or so before rushing off any buying the pieces you might regret. 
• Know which direction the sun rises/sets in terms of the amount of light/heat that might come into the room/s
• Recognise the way the family enters the house - thru garage, front door, back/side door.
• where's the heavy foot traffic?
• where do school bags tend to be dumped?
• Take measurements with you so you know the items will fit where you need them to go.
• Obvious, but .........
• Go to Ikea. I don't work for them, they have no idea I'm even chatting about them, but every expat knows, Ikea is great for cost effective, attractive, storage ideas. 
• Check measurements before purchasing
• Build Ikea and put stuff away. 
• Put up artwork on the walls!
• Invest in a variety of 3M wall hangers. They are easy to put  up and don't leave any marks on the walls. 
• Check the weight of what you are hanging as 3M hooks come in a variety of hanging strengths.
• Check the attachments on the artwork, posters etc to know what type of hook will be best i.e. wire? rope? hook? 
• Count how many 3M packs you need of each
• it's super annoying to be in the middle of hanging stuff up and run out!
• If you have rugs or carpets, get them out and into position.
• Pop some fresh flowers into vases. 

It takes a few weeks to find the 'flow' of the rooms, where you live as a SAHM as opposed to when the whole family is home. So breath and let things happen naturally.


We're slowing turning our house into our HOME, like MrsW has accomplished already, and as we have done several times before, and will do again. (Slow, deep sigh)


About half our paintings are hung. We're still deciding on where to put the remaining ones.

We've been to Ikea, and have built 2 desks (home office is on it's way to being done, but sharing the one room with G and MissM might be tricky). Still have to get cork boards and a white board and maybe even a book case - but there's time to think about that.

Our new Ikea kitchen storage solution is on order and I am excited to know that in a few weeks ALL the remaining boxes will be emptied and I will be able to find everything, all the time.

Our bedrooms are done.

The living room is (nearly) there.


After spending time in Sydney and visiting friends who have renovated, or are renovating, I'm sad and a bit jealous that we'll never be in the position to choose the colour of our walls, or design our kitchen, or invest in the perfect chair for the corner of the lounge room as MrsD has done (love the chair she chose too).

Are you wondering what I told MissM when she asked me, how do I make a house our home? I told her it's simple - being together, with our memories around us, friends visiting, making new memories (and having enough storage space so that things can go away and rooms can be neat'n'tidy)



We are only a matter of weeks away from feeling like we can open our front door to friends and say HI! Welcome to our home.

ms-havachat is lost without wifi

Lease on new rental home signed.

Online grocery shop done and delivered late on the afternoon the shipment's delivered.

Shipment's delivered.

First night in the house.

First day at school.

First coffee morning at school.

Successfully worked out how to use the appliances in the new house.

Constantly re-arranging furniture and belongings until they feel they are in their new right place.

Realisation that there simply isn't enough storage space (a visit to Ikea is definitely needed).

Girl dating starts with lunch with a few mums from your child's class.

First meeting with International Women's Club.

Diary starting to get full.

Kinda starting to feel like home.


Everything is going well with the move and settling in until you have to get WIFI or broadband connected in your name.



There have been very few moves we've done, or heard about where a provider of WIFI or broadband services is done quickly and efficiently, yet it's one of the most important things that happen to finalise a move - anywhere! You don't have to moving internationally for this to be annoying. Heck, friends have moved a few suburbs away from their original address and had to wait months - they can't take their existing phone number!

Company 1 has bombarded us with promotional material since before we even moved in.

'Dear New Owner/Tenant of No (insert house number)' and so goes the introduction to all manner of deals.

However, the boxes on the wall in the lounge room aren't theirs and we are not about to allow someone to put cables into the property without asking the landlord.

G rang the owners of the box on the wall in the lounge room - Company 2. YES! We were going to contact you as the previous people cancelled their account (bit slow off the mark). The salesperson went thru all the deals and G agreed to one. YEAH.

Oh, wait. The earliest they can have a technician come to connect us is Sept 29th. (This was a few days ago - taken me a while to get back online LOL)

WT?

How long without internet????

How long without TV - we've missed the SA vs Japan rugby match, and the new season of Downton Abbey - what else will we miss?

Then Company 1 salesperson rings as a friendly followup call to see how we're doing, has the move been OK, did we receive the flyers in the mail, is there anything they can do ...... their customer service is impressive, shame about the boxes on the wall. The caller checks, and yes, their company has indeed provided services to this property in the past, and a technician could call out to simply see if it's still there and what's involved in reconnecting it. That's DOES sound very good!

Meanwhile, being the heavy FB user than I am and wanting to Skype G while he's in Sydney, and MissM has daily homework that needs to be done online, I opt for Company 3's 5-day WIFI package.

Yep, another provider! When I opened my WIFI connection there were a few open lines, so I clicked on one and got out my credit card. Why didn't I think of that before?

Being 'connected' is so important. How on earth did people cope without it?

I am one of those people who would like to disconnect, but truth be known, just can't.

I LOVE being in touch with friends.

I LOVE knowing that with the touch of a button I am CONNECTED despite the distances.

Whether it's an email to/from Mum, a Skype chat with G or a girlfriend in Dublin, doing research about the local area, using Google maps to know how much time is needed from point A to point B, sharing photos of MissM's first few days at school with grandparents, doing an online grocery shop!

These past few days, with intermittent internet is really frustrating.

Counting the days til the company gets here and connects us properly.

Til then, I'll do my best to chat,

With friendship
x

ms-havachat's about coffee mornings

Who doesn't enjoy sipping coffee, chatting with friends.

It doesn't matter if you're in a cafe, their home, your home or the school library.

Just being together, talking, sharing, supporting is what it's all about.

Coffee mornings with or without a guest speaker are one of the regular events that glue the expat school community together. In fact, they probably glue most school communities together, and church groups, or a book club for that matter.

They are a great way to bring people together, to ensure the non-working parents have an opportunity to meet other parents and hopefully start friendships, to promote activities that require volunteers, and generally lift the community spirit within the school.

Some schools do it better than others, and it's great to be back in a school community that do it well - maybe a bit too many, but at least they are there and you can choose when to participate.

There are Welcome Back coffee mornings in September and January; grade coffee mornings which are different to class coffee mornings, Lower (elementary/primary) school coffee mornings and of course, one's for Middle and High school; then there's the all of school term coffee mornings, and the one's hosted by the Parents Association. Occasionally, the principal or head of school will host one too.

Sometimes there are guest speakers, sometimes there isn't.

Going thru the school calendar yesterday and writing up the relevant dates in the diary took me nearly an hour, but also made me realise just how many coffee mornings there are!

Thank goodness we've only one child here! Imagine having 4 grade coffee mornings, across the 3 schools (lower, middle and senior) plus 4 class coffee mornings plus the Parents Association - you'd swish thru your days!

Today I was invited to the first one with the Aussie and NZ parents for this year.

There were 4 dads and 8 mums.

We met at a lovely local cafe/restaurant for a late breakfast/coffee/chat.

The normal questions were asked of me and one other new arrival. You know the one's we chatted about a few days ago when we talked about Community - what a start! Everyone is amazed that this is our 5th move in 9 years .... I'm beginning to think it IS a lot.

One dad mentioned his daughter isn't coping too well but it's only been 6 months and thankfully he can see slight improvements already. Another mum had us in raucous belly laughs over her epiphany (her word) in the shower earlier today that she sent her son to school with seafood for lunch (a no-no like nuts) and how she bolted out of the shower and phoned school to retrieve the lunch from his backpack; we talked about fundraising for MrsD's eldest daughter and I'm excited that I'm going to help her plan and execute some fundraising ideas for her CAS (community service) component of her  IB.

Our new school encourages a parent from each nationality to step forward and volunteer to be THE lead parent of the group in terms of new families arriving during term, and especially for the organisation of the annual International Fair. Two mums offered to be the Aussie/NZ parent reps for 2015-16. When I told G I didn't volunteer he was delighted! I could sense his relief over our Skype session.

I'm now buzzing from the coffee's this morning, so it's green tea or water for the rest of the day.

With friendship
x

ms-havachat's heading to IKEA - again!

What is it with Ikea and expats?

It's one of the first places we go to when we first arrive in a new city, after the supermarket. If you mention to someone you need a piece of furniture they will tell you 'go to Ikea'.

This is truly a GLOBAL BRAND.

The stores are exactly the same on the outside, regardless of where you are:

Germany

Japan (we spent many summer days here so the kids could
play in the air conditioned play centre)

Russia

Anywhere.

Inside is the same too, just the language used in the signs and currency are different.

Even the annoying one way pedestrian system is the same.

It's an odd, sobering thought that no matter where you go in the world, Ikea will be there, same as you're used to, offering you storage solutions and things you never knew you needed til you saw them at reasonable prices.

Each place we've lived, we've headed to Ikea within a month or so of arriving.

There's often one more cupboard needed to help with lack of storage issues; or something was broken in the move and needs replacing. Plus, their bits'n'bobs are FANTASTIC.

We need lots of additional storage space as our new place. I've had to stop unpacking the kitchen stuff cos there's no where to put things. Who ever designed the kitchen needs to go back to design school, or even spend time in a kitchen to understand the ridiculousness of it.

No one wants to spend money unnecessarily, especially on items needed for 'now' as they probably won't be needed next move. Things like this are either given away or sold to a new family who arrives just as you are leaving, for a fraction of the price you paid.

The thing with Ikea, is it is attractive. It's well designed. It's well priced. And cos you have to build it yourself, it offers quality family time on the weekend.

I've been googling second hand furniture, looking on eBay and Gumtree for the things we need to no avail. Looks like Ikea will save the day yet again.

The other thing with Ikea is their food hall! Their meatballs are delicious! So are their frankfurts.

In the heat of Japan's summers, we would car pool several families to Ikea for the day. The kids would go into the air conditioned play zone, while we would stroll the store (there's always something you need once you are there) and have a quiet coffee before it was time to collect the kids. We'd all have lunch then drive home. Great day out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonder if people do this in the colder climates in winter months?

Ikea is NOT a place to take (some) husbands. They don't get the philosophy.

You are expected to walk out with at least 5 additional items than on your list.

A few tips on a successful Ikea trip:

• Leave husband and kids at home (if possible)
• If you need your husbands help, leave the kids with a friend. 
• Go midweek with the girls, make your choices, then shop online. 
• Don't go on the weekend.
• Take the big trolley - you know you want to. 
• Take measurements of the spaces you need to fill.
• Take a tape measure to measure the items you like to make sure they fit where you want them.
• If you have prints to frame, take the actual print with you as their frames come in many dimensions, some of which make no sense at all. 
• It's funny how easy it is to forget the colour scheme you are aiming for. Take a photo or write it down. 
• Go in a car that has a large boot, or the seats can be taken down to fit all the stuff you buy. Nothing more annoying than a successful shopping trip and you can't get it home. 
• Take a freezer bag for the meatballs.
• Take a list with you. You'll always find there's things that distract you, so best to keep focused with a list.
• Count the candles you already have - you may not need more.
• Ask for help in the self serve section, some of those boxes are very heavy!
• Have FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dream of purpose designing our own home. Of deliberately choosing the colour schemes and appliances. Shopping for specific pieces of furniture for the rooms from independent shops or having something bespoke crafted, and knowing that it'll stay there forever.



PS: This was a random chat about Ikea. I don't know anyone who works there, nor have I been asked to write this. It's just my opinion based on our experience these past 9 years as expats.