ms-havachat has news

This blogging business is tricky, and time consuming, and rewarding and challenging and from time to time I have a dream that ms-havachat has a HUGE following of expats from all over the world, chatting and sharing daily, creating an online community of people who like to pay-if-forward and share kindness, thoughtfulness and support with a lot of giggles.

So, while I don't blog daily, and I'm not going to start podcasting, I do feel like it's time to branch out and attract a few more chatters to the fun. I'll also return to more regular blogs here ..... I'm working on two series and enjoying the research.

mshavachat on facebook is so much fun! I love sharing posts from my favourite bloggers or what friends share ....... and adding my own photo's and observations is fun too. In some ways, the instant contact with you via Facebook overshadows this - the BLOG - the longer chats, where we have time to dig a bit deeper and share more and for that I apologise.

I've been thinking about adding ms-havachat to Instagram ...... using the same # and attracting a wider audience, who might enjoy my vignettes and follow the chats on Instagram, then LIKE the Facebook page and who knows, subscribe here.

After numerous mistakes, there's several empty ms-havachats on Instagram but thanks to my clever teen, ms-havachatuk is up and running on Instagram!

The ability to be out'n'about and snap a photo and pop it onto Instagram and Facebook is really attractive, however I also enjoy sitting quietly in our home office, music in the background, typing out a longer, more thoughtful blog.

Please accept this invitation to join me on Instagram, and share with friends as often as you like.

The more the merrier,

With friendship
x

ms-havachat ponders the Annual Clean Up of Facebook Friends

Do you collect Facebook friends or do you stick to only adding people you know in real-life?

How long do you know someone before you add them, or accept their friend request?

Is it ridiculous that even thinking about 'adding a friend' is even part of our thought process?

What do you tell your kids (age relevant) about adding only people they know in real-life to their various social media?

Why do I always feel compelled to write similar chats at this time of year?????????????? I do hope, that as our expat life and experiences have evolved, so have the chats!


As an expat, I think the propensity to collect online friends is much higher that local friends, simple because we have to start over in a new place every few years. The joy of living in the one place for
y-e-a-r-s escapes us, even tho as a child I lived in the same area (two different addresses) ti I moved out of home! Teen hasn't lived in the same city, let alone the same address for more than 3 years!

People are constantly arriving (and leaving) so the friendship circle expands and contracts constantly. The biggest movement happens over summer in the northern hemisphere, as school tends to dictate moves, and again a smaller migration over December for the start of school in January.

This movement of families is like Ground Hogs Day for long time veterans of expat life. There's the orientation day/s at school, where returning parents greet each other with hugs and kisses, and newbies often look like rabbits caught in headlights. I love seeing my friends after holidays but know that it's more important to fix eyes on a newbie and walk over and introduce myself, ask the 20 Questions we've talked about before in previous chats, and see where it goes ............

This is the tricky part - when do you send the Facebook friend request, or indeed, if they send you one right away, do you accept? Are you indeed friends at this point? Do you extend/accept simply to be polite?

It's Girl Dating all over again - is it too soon? Should you wait, and if so, how long? What if someone gets there before you?

It's at this time of year when I feel the urge to do a bit of a clean up, to remove the fair-weather friends ...... do you? Is it rude?

Do you go thru and remove 'friends'?  What motivates you to do this? What thought process do you go thru in deciding who to keep? We don't ditch 'real' friends so easily. How come online friends take up so much time?????????????

Seriously! This subject has been in my head for a few weeks now, so I thought a quick chat with you might help clarify things.

Let's consider things like how you met, how long you've known each other, do you socialise in each others homes or just out'n'about? What do YOU mean by the word Friend? Maybe that's it - maybe it's simply do to with your definition and nothing more.

The good friends I've made over the past decade somehow felt right from the beginning. Sometimes, it's just meant to be.

I guess I'm chatting about the acquaintances, the peripheral friends. There are so many words to describe friendship, just check out the Thesaurus.

Keeping all those words in mind, think about these situations .................

Expat Network:
Friends you've made in places you've lived. You've both moved on, some repatriate, others keep roaming ...... will you ever see them again? If they wrote and said they were coming to town, would you go meet them for coffee? They do come in handy if someone you know is moving to where they've been or are ........ you were friends, hung out together but moved away simply because you're expats.

Common Interests:
Nothing other than a sports club affiliation, or kids dance class, your neighbours who share the taxiing of kids to/from stuff, you're in the same club, or kids in the same class at school, or you're on a committee together. Guess hanging out in a WhatsApp group talking about the specific's of any of the above 'groups' makes sense, but Facebook? Where you share so much of yourself .... do they need to know?????????????

Instant Friend:
You meet at a school function or end up together at lunch, have an enjoyable time and next thing BAM! there's a friend request on Facebook from them. Again, Facebook? Where you share so much of yourself .... do they need to know?????????????

Politically Correct:
You're on the same committee, they are a well respected long-term member of the community, they reached out to you (not the other way round).

Stalkers:
Those friends who never comment, never post anything. You wonder why they bother having a Facebook account.

Obligatory Friend:
The one you feel you HAVE to keep; they might be a long-lost cousin or friend from school, might even be an in-law, or someone who's just handy to have for those 'just incase' situations that arise from time to time.



The list goes on ....... just google 'cleaning up Friends on Facebook' and see how many blogs there are on the subject.  There's numerous tips and suggestions. There's even video tutorials showing you how to do it. Clearly a lot of people have the same issues.

Now open your Facebook page BUT COME BACK! - go to your friends list and slowly go thru it - recall when you first met, what you have in common, the last time you hung out together or Skyped, the tone of their posts/comments, the genuineness of the relationship  - if you start to smile, keep them! If not, think twice then consider deleting them (maybe). It's a tough call, right?

Or not!

What about keeping them and building a huge following of '000 like younger people do (gosh, am I old or what?)

Facebook has an option where you group your posts to family, friends, acquaintances etc, but to be honest who could be bothered? We tend to SHOUT OUT all sorts of things to anyone who'll listen, and hope someone will at the very least hit LIKE.

'Unfollow' is a great option as it allows you to remain friends, but you don't see their posts (this comes in handy when political comments take over your feed).

The Annual Clean Up of Facebook Friends tends to happen every summer in my circle. From time to time, I do see people posting that they are going to clean up their friends list and not to take offence if you're ditched. Have you ever done that? How did it go??????????????

Summer comes. People move onto new adventures or repatriate. You know you'll never see them again and that's ok. You genuinely wish them well, but 'outta sight outta mind' is fine too. However, sometimes it's a good idea to keep them handy, cos you never know when you or someone you know will be pondering a move to where they are/have lived and their suggestions might be useful.

Navigating friendships in the real world can sometimes be difficult, and adding online-friendships makes life way more complicated than it needs to be. There's only a handful of people I'm friendly with on Facebook who I've not met - they are other bloggers who I have followed for years and somehow one of us reached out to the other and voila! we're Facebook buddies.

Friends to keep are the ones, who in the real world are there for you; who you spend time with, who make an effort to stay in touch despite the geographical distance

And it's no longer just Facebook - there's Instagram, and Snapchat too among other social media. Navigating these as a business or personality is fraught with danger and so very time consuming, how on earth is the average person supposed to cope? No wonder we're all exhausted before we leave the house in the morning.


My question is not so much do you drop Facebook friends, but WHEN and WHY do you do it?

If you're an expat, how long a time between the farewells and removing or the arrivals and adding them do you wait?

You're suggestions are most welcomed,

Once I work it out, I'll pop back and let you know

With friendship
x

ms-havachat's blogging is back - HELLLOOOOOOOOO!

Hello Dear Friend,

Hope you are well! It's been ages since we chatted. How's things?


WOW, time flies right?

I would like to apologise for the long and unexplained absence these past few months. Nothings wrong. The words just didn't flow. ms-havacaht on Facebook has filled the void as it's been somehow easier to type out a '30 second sound bite' than write an essay.

Do you follow me on Facebook, or just here at the blog?

Why not do both? Love your company. Here's the link. Look forward to seeing you there.


So, what have you been up to these past couple of months (I know, MONTHS!) Our last chat was back in early April! But as we're friends, you know that we'll simply pick up where we left off and it'll be like yesterday when we sat and chatted.

Are you curious about what I've been doing that's stopped the flow of words from my head thru my fingers onto the laptop? Hope so, cos here it comes, in no apparent order:

• Nominated interim president of the expat women's club
• Steep and fast learning curve about the club, the policies and procedures in order to run board meetings, host general meetings, prepare for AGM, answer questions, and be available to 14 board members.
• Honoured to be voted in as President for the new year, and the learning curve got even steeper if that's possible. 
• Been on a few lovely guided walks in London boroughs (not called suburbs), enjoyed a couple of delicious lunches. 
• Tween has had a few tween issues with friends. Boy did that take a lot of hugs and chats. So proud of tween in how she's handled things. Hopefully it's all behind them now.
• Hubby's been away for business a lot! But we're ok with it. Monday - Friday are full, afternoons are busy and sometimes cheese on toast for dinner and a glass of wine, followed by binge watching TV is all a girl needs.
• Talking of bing watching
• Big Little Lies! WOW! Have you seen it? What did you think? If you haven't you absolutely must!
• Tween and I started to watch Gilmore Girls from the very beginning. At times Laurali and Rory and the parents are so frustrating, but it's great tween/mum time on a rainy afternoon.
• 13 Reasons Why. It's not really something you'd rush to watch, but it is worth watching. From a parents perspective is frightening! It's a great piece for opening conversations with mid-late teens. Social media, and how we treat people is so easily abused by younger generations. Some kids know exactly what they are doing while others innocently do what other's are doing; they don't think about consequences. MrsJ watched it and I was shocked (Based on nothing more than what i'd heard about it) She suggested I watch it - how relatable it was on so many levels, how easy it is for things to get out of hand, be misunderstood, for someone to be hurting and keep it quiet. 
• There's been Formula 1 racing with Hubby on weekends to watch.
• And the news! OMG. The news. As you know, I'm a news junkie but I find myself pulling away, not wanting to know anymore (you the same?)
• We've been in a sort of expat Limboland these past few months waiting on the announcement for the tender Hubby's involved with - we figured in our minds, if they lost, we'd be gone (along with others); if they won then there's a better chance of staying one more year pending re-negotiations of contract which expire in November. FUN and GAMES.
• That got me started thinking about 'the move' even tho there wasn't one confirmed.
• Started purging; researched boot sales (they don't do garage or yard sales in the UK, at least not here); 
• popped a few things online for sale (a few went, most didn't)
• Started making The List of Things To Do pre-move (for a move that is not happening)
• Took full advantage of lovely mornings and went for walks with friends. Did one on my own - same route, seemed to take f-o-r-e-v-e-r without company. Podcast kept dropping out as the wifi kept dropping.
• Read a few books.
• Started using our English Heritage membership on a Sunday and went for long drives to walk around grand mansions or fabulous ruins followed by a pub lunch. Highly recommend it. Gets everyone off their electronic devices!
• Invested time in researching online photo album sites to no avail. I love and miss mypublisher.com  more than I can bare - so much so, I'm years behind which is making the search even more frustrating. 
• Love my mornings at home with a cup of coffee, Skyping for hours with a friend. It can so easily reach lunchtime and all I've done is chat and sip. I highly recommend it! Makes friends feel not so far away - you'd be chatting and sipping in a cafe or at home anyways, so doing it online is (nearly) the same. We so often solve world problems and help each other too, as well as catch up with family life and 'stuff'.
• Bought a walking machine from a friend. It's in the garage. I use if when it's yucky weather and can't walk outside. I really bought it for Hubby so he can get 15 mins of movement in a day - he's walked on it once. Not sure I'll keep it much longer. 
• Have had lots of home-alone days which in the beginning were frustrating but I have to admit, I've grown to enjoy them. There's something naughty and indulgent about being home. When the house is clean, the washings done, ironings away etc it's very lovely to relax amongst it all. 
• There are times over the past few months when I've felt maybe the Monster from Winchester was returning, teasing me when it felt it could get a swipe in. I'm taking care of myself and feel confident I know the signs. 
• OH! I also finished on the school parents board. The person replacing me is going to be terrific! 

So all that's been stopping me blogging is me :) 

If I said 'writers block' would that sound more official, more acceptable? Maybe I should delete all of the above and simply say 'writers block'.

The next hurdle is 'this time of year' aka farewell season as friends get ready to leave for new adventures or repatriation. Maybe it's the annual routine. Maybe it's the fact we know what it's like to be the ones' leaving AND staying, and sometimes leaving is so much more fun as in it's exciting to be heading off on a new adventure vs one-more-year.

Staying means a long summer, kind-of; it means saying hello to a lot of newbies, getting to know them, making a couple of new friends, thinking you've a friend when you don't, missing hanging out with friends who have moved on and are settling in so communication isn't as frequent; waiting out the year til it's your turn to be the one leaving.

There's much to be said about living in the family home for 20+ years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While writing this I realise that maybe there's more to my writers block ......... 10 years an expat and you come to accept so much is repetitive while so much is unknown. Maybe I'm ready to just settle? Maybe I'm over moving and starting over. Maybe there's not much more to be said and if I just blog about personal stuff it's more like a diary and I'm sharing way too much and the reason for the blog in the first place is lost in self indulgence.

I could simply go back thru the archives and rehash, maybe update the 'pre summer' blog themes, cos really they don't change - people moving on, people arriving, making friends, sharing summer holiday ideas and tips, maybe even a few photos of what we get up to. The first day of school chats, orientation, suggestions on getting involved, making friends, girl-dating etc.

Groundhogs day for expats.

How's your summer shaping up?
What plans do you have?
If it's winter where you are, how are you coping?


Promise to chat with you here more often, and I hope you'll join us over on Facebook.

With friendship
x

ms-havachat discovers Eton and Eton Stationers

We've lived in Surrey for about 18 months now, and today was my first visit to Eton. It's not even half an hours drive, but for some reason, I've never been and now I have, I can't wait to go back and explore it properly. The architecture is amazing, the High Street has lovely bespoke shops, and of course, there's Eton College.

Today I went as I had a meeting with the delightful people at Eton Stationers regarding our stationery supplies for school, and I'm really glad I did otherwise I might never have made it to this quaint village.

First, a little chat about Eton.

The village lies on the banks of the Thames, opposite Windsor. Royal processions from Westminster to Windsor would pass through the village. Of course, today the village is synonymous with Eton College, one of the most prestigious private boys schools in the world. Established in 1440 by King Henry VI it was originally established to provide quality education to 70 underprivileged boys who would go onto Kings College, Cambridge which he founded the following year.

The school has about 1,300 students from all over the world. They live in one of 25 Eton Houses, and walk to/from school through the village streets. As I was leaving I saw one senior students crossing the road in his black tail coat and thought how delightful and odd at the same time. Young men (aged 13-18), preparing for 21st century jobs, in a school that's over 570 years old, carrying an iPad, wearing a black tail coat and tie. If only those walls and desks could talk! IMAGINE what secrets and observations they might share.

The BBC did a documentary a few years ago, following three new students at Eton, how the settled in, what life in their House was like, what a school day was like. If you get a chance to see it, please do. It was very interesting.

Commissioned work produced as notepads and
cards. Each one depicting an Eaton House. 

Thanks Google and telegraph.co.uk for this terrific
photo of Eton students in their uniform.

Eton Stationers started as a the local post office, and about 30 years ago, the school invited the  current owners uncle to consider providing all stationery needs to the school and the students. Expanding into stationery was a huge undertaking. Learning the suppliers, researching the products, meeting the high quality expected by the College was a very steep and enjoyable experience.

The current owner, a qualified chartered accountant, offered to help his Uncle for a few months with systems and procedures and grew to enjoy the business so much, he stayed.

When he talks about the business and the College he speaks passionately and with enthusiasm. I got so excited just listening to him I went into interview mode and asked him if he'd mind if I blogged about it.

Serving a school like Eton take superior customer service, a can-do attitude and above all, discretion. Having worked in advertising sales, and various people-oriented jobs over the years, I absolutely respect businesses whose customer service goes above-and-beyond what's expected. Without sounding too pompous, I've prided myself on the customer service skills I've learned over the years and I was absolutely impressed by what I heard today.

I've also been a customer. Eton Stationery supplies our kids 'stationery kits'. It's a great service offered by school and is a blessing when you're moving from one country to another,  you've not arrived and when you do you're in a hotel until you find a home, have no idea where the shops are, and the kids are starting school! Ordering online and having the box delivered to school is a total WOW.

The shop is huge. It's a paradise for those of us who love stationery! From the every-day items like pens and pencils (but what a selection) to unique parchment writing papers and specialist art supplies. If what you need isn't there, just ask and the staff will do their utmost to source it.

It's here that you'll also find the Eton Gift Shop. Quality memorabilia items for those associated with the College but also for visitors to this well known and much loved English village.

If you decide to visit Eton, remember it's not that far from Great Windsor Park, you could walk the Long Walk to Windsor Castle and spend a few hours exploring the Castle. A stroll along the banks of the Thames in fine weather would be great.

I'm all about shopping local and supporting small business. Eton Stationery supplies those of us who are fortunate to live locally, as well as businesses and schools.

Eton Stationers website: http://www.etonstationers.com

Please tell them ms-havachat enjoyed meeting you so much, she's happy to recommend you.

With friendship
x

ms-havachat ponders MIA - Mums in Action

This chat's been sitting on my laptop for a while now. I've been editing it and now I think it's ready to share. Some chats flow so easily from my fingers while others are there in my head but struggle to be related thru my fingers onto the keyboard.

I'd LOVE to chat with you on a daily basis, and sometimes there's HEAPS to share, and other times, not so much. The ups'n'downs of everyday life right? At times like that, our Facebook page keeps us connected (if you've not LIKED mshavachat on FB yet, please do, the more the merrier)

Anyhow, MrsD and I went walking a while ago (actually several weeks ago). I hope she won't mind me sharing this story with you. I'm sure I said then 'this is such a great topic for ms-havacahat'.

That's how some chats end up here. Inspiration from a conversation with a friend, or in a group. It's not all me all the time.

Here we go:

One year, MrsD was unable (can't recall why) to attend the information session at night for parents at the beginning of the school year. You know the one, where the Head of School reaffirms why you've chosen the school, explains the schools philosophy to learning, promotes the upgrades around the campus that should have been finished before school started but are running over time, introduces teachers etc. 

Her husband was home (a very rare happening as he travels a LOT) and offered to go in her place as he could tell having a clash of events was troubling her. 

She printed the list of teachers, they discussed any issues/concerns they had and needed to be addressed, and off he went. After putting the address into the sat nav, he headed off to school and she went out. Her phone rang not long after "I found the school ok, where do I go now?'

Well, I roared with laughter, while also acknowledging, as she did, that it was also kinda sad.

The kids had been at school for a few years ...... he had no idea where to go once there because he'd never been. He, like other expat dads travel A LOT.  MrD is away at least 6 months of the year and he's not the only one. MrsC husband lives/works in another country because they want their kids to have a normal childhood which they wouldn't get living where he is based. Another family has their dad on short term contracts, so moving every 6-12 months just wouldn't work for the kids, so they are based in the UK while dad visits as often as possible. Another set of friends are split mid-week due to the hours hubby works in London, so he opts to stay there rather than come home simply to sleep but has Fridays off to be with the family. And another example, is a friend who's husband's business was sold and relocated by the new owners to another country so he's there for 2 years over transition their kids are at a critical point in their school lives so they decided to stay put and have dad go and visit - often. Another friend has made the huge decision to pop their kids into boarding school in their home country for continuity of education/lifestyle/extended family close by.


These scenarios are not unique. Sadly, in expat life 'family life' takes many forms. There's a community of mid-week-single-mums as the dads work long hours/travel for work, bunker down with family on weekends and go to work again.

Before I go on I should say that this scenario is slowly changing and that there are more and more mums being the expat employee, with dad staying home with the kids. Very rarely do both expat parents work full time.

Some of you might think WT - you have a choice. No one's making you live this lifestyle. What's more important career or family? Change jobs! Move home! Redefine the work hours! Take control of work/life balance!

It should be that simple, but it's far from it.

M I A - Mums In Action! (or DIA, Dads In Action)

Co-parenting is not a term often used when talking about expats.

Single parenting, while keeping the absent one informed and included is key to a happy and long marriage/family.

When the working parent comes home, dividing their time between their partner and kids is difficult as everyone wants and needs their time and attention, friends want to catch up while you just want to bunker down with the family; or you want to sleep!

Two Fat Expats on a recent podcast talked about Lead Parent - that's the one who Leads the way - settling the kids into school, establishing yet another new home, making friends, researching doctors, hairdressers, learning where to shop for what, maybe even learning a new language or navigating a new culture. All this is done while the 'other parent' goes to work, or hops on a plane for a business trip.

At our recent Parent information session, introducing the Middle School program, G commented that there were very few dads there and he could have stayed home while I went. WHY? I asked - you don't travel! it's one a a handful of things he can attend (most stuff is during the day) and I absolutely expect his support and our daughter deserves it. (Footnote; He said it in a joking way, but I took it a little bit too seriously, so I'm just telling you what happened)

The other consideration to acknowledge is new families have only just arrived and don't have anyone reliable to sit with the kids while they go out (huge disruption to date nights), so one parent (dad) offers to stay home so Mum can attend as she's the Lead Parent.

I said to MrsD, I appreciate just how unique and fortunate we are as an expat family that G does not travel for work, he's home every night, and is flexible to a point with his hours so can be home early (providing there's enough notice) to join me at evening meetings.

Mums (or Dads) In Action ..... imagine all of this, multiplied by the number of kids you have! As the parent of one child, I'm in constant awe of friends. I also offer to help out.  Having one child, there's always room for 2 more in our small car; or a spare bed for a sleep over if mum and dad need a spur of the moment date night; or notes to be shared after a meeting at school.

• School runs. 
• Meetings with various teachers. 
• Organising 'stuff'.
• Getting involved in Parents Group/Association.
• Keeping the school calendar and personal diaries up to date.
• Depending on the age of kids, this could mean up to 4 school calendars
• Add sports, drama, music, art, community stuff !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Buying another pair of indoor shoes cos their feet won't stop growing..
• Impersonating a taxi driver every afternoon. 
• One car, one driver needed to be at various places at the same time - IMPOSSIBLE
• Car pooling is a great idea, sharing the dropping off/picking up
• Helping/checking/bribing homework is done, as well as musical instrument practise, sport etc. 
• Encouraging hygiene on a nightly basis.
• Managing use of mobile phones or time online with friends.
• Encouraging them OUTSIDE.
• Cooking.
• Washing.
• Shopping.
• Sorting out the weekends activities around the kids social calendar.
• Organising Date Night

The list goes on ................ so how those of you who work full time outside the home do it is beyond me. 

MrsD (a different one) once told her housekeeper 'I work to hard to keep you employed. If I didn't work such long hours, I'd be able to do this myself, so please help me and do as I ask' (Long story and it's not as rude as it might sound. All good. Everyone's happy.)

Reminds me again of Annabelle Crabb's recent book, The Wife Drought, Why Women Need A Wife and Men Need a Life.

We are a fortunate that G's work allows him to be home every night; that he's able to be involved with what's going on and I do not feel like a M I A. The few times he works longer than usual hours (and they are long at the best of times) for a few nights in a row I 'suffer' but then I think of friends and laugh it off.

Why do we do it?

Probably because the job opportunities at 'home' are less, that the excitement and career prospects are greater overseas, because it's fascinating living in a different country, because we are a team and we agreed to this lifestyle and if one of us doesn't do their role properly, the team (i.e.: family) is affected.

I'm proud of my M I A status. I've learnt so much about myself, my capabilities, my limitations, my strengths. I've put myself into situations I'd never thought about and survived!

So, to all you M I A's (and dads too) well done! Congratulations. You're doing a great job. Find a friend like me, who has one kid cos we're often only too happy to help you out.

Remember those famous words said by a very famous American Lady 'Its takes a village'. And you know what, it truly does.

With friendship
x

ms-havacaht loves The Amazing Race but not for reasons you might think.

We LOVE The Amazing Race in our house.

Do you know it? Do you watch it? What do you think?

HUGE shout out to MrsH for recommending it to me a few months ago!

We have come to the popular TV show years after it started (it's in the 28th season) but that's ok. Timing works in mysterious ways and the timing for us is perfect (explain in a sec)

Launched in 2001 on American TV channel, CBS, the global franchise is now filmed in 13 countries.

The gist of each show is simple. Eleven couples (any combination of relationship) race around the world. At each destination teams compete in various challenges (mental, physical) based on a set of instructions. When they complete each challenge to the satisfaction of a 'judge', they learn their next challenge or destination. The last team to 'check in' at the end of the leg 'may be eliminated'.

There are twists and turns which make it interesting too.

The winning team of each leg wins a prize.

Obviously, the last team standing wins; and they win the $US1million.


So, why are we hooked?

The travel component of the show is amazing. They go to incredible countries and as a result of the challenges, you see unique places that might make it onto a to-do list if you were to visit the place. It's enjoyable when they go to a city you've experienced (been there, saw that, remember that)

There's geography based conversations - Where is it? What's it near? Landscapes. Farming. MissM's favourite is 'do we know anyone from there'. Excellent opportunities to get out the atlas (yes, we have an atlas in the house, don't you?. G reaches for his phone to Google while I encourage the book)

Food, music, culture - wow! Thank goodness we are all so different! Tho some of the food we can definitely give a miss (dried python was the most recent WT? moment)

We won't complain about peak hour traffic anymore now we've seen it in other parts of the world.

Helps add to the ever growing bucket list, which is more of a wish list these days as places are added far more quickly than they are removed due to being experienced.


The huge lessons (unknowingly) learnt each and every episode are the ones to do with the teams, and with Exhibition (read blog here) happening this term at school, the timing is perfect!

In grownup terms it's things like:

• Successful teams are based on communication, support, encouragement, empathy, compassion, respect, honesty, the various roles people play, acknowledging everyones strengths and weaknesses and using them appropriately etc.
• Karma is a bitch (tho we've changed the phrase for MissM's ears)
• Paying it forward is good for the soul. 
• Challenging yourself beyond what is comfortable is tricky and very rewarding.
• Learning things about yourself (good or bad) is beneficial.
• Setting goals and aspiring for success is good.

MissM's ability to see what's working and not working in the teams is incredible. MrsH, you were right (not that I ever doubted you) The show is a fantastic teaching tool and the kids have no idea!

• If only they read ALL the instructions before rushing off they'd know what to do.
• Ugh, why did they take a taxi when they were told to walk.
• They lied to get ahead and now they are in last place. Serves them right. 
• WOW, they did the challenge 37 times before they got it. That's patience for you.
• They are so rude to each other/the taxi driver/the other teams.
• They stopped to help the other team who were struggling, knowing they would fall behind in the race. Lucky they still made it to the mat in time and aren't eliminated. 
• Crying gets you absolutely no where. 
• They are so friendly and helpful with each other and towards the other teams. They deserve to win that leg. 
• They lied and still won the leg. That's not fair. Tho check out how embarrassed they looked when they got caught out by the host of the show. 
• Even it takes forever to do the challenge, finish it well. Even if you're eliminated, it doesn't matter cos you tried your best.
• The man who couldn't swim kept getting all the water challenges and he still did them. How brave is he!
• Why does he never listen to her? She has good ideas. 
• Thank goodness they just finished the leg in time which is good as they had a hard time. 
• That's not fair. The other team should have won. They didn't play fair during the challenge. 

The list goes on. 

We've had such interesting conversation as a result of watching the show. 

We've all learned a lot, and it's been great family time in front of the TV on wet weekends. 

Watching last night's episode (we've recorded them), I mentioned to MissM that the challenge of making paper from cow dung in Sri Lanka was a great example of how animals and people work together in an environmentally friendly way. She replied 'that might be good to share for Exhibition'. 

That's my girl.

With friendship

x

ms-havachat chats about Grade 5 IB Exhibition

It's going to be a long last term of school. Fun. But long.

All around the world, in Grade 5 classrooms in IB schools teachers are helping prepare the kids for EXHIBITION, a term long group and individual oriented 'project' for want of a better word. Some schools might have already started the process ..... others may be a few weeks in ...... but regardless, Grade 5 Exhibition is a major factor in most of our friends lives for the next few months.

Our school has just started this week and will culminate with an Evening Presentation early May at which parents are welcome (aka expected) to attend to cheer the kids on to the conclusion of this mammoth task.

The IB website describes Exhibition as:

The PYP Exhibition: encouraging in-depth, collaborative inquiry

In the final year of the PYP, students, carry out an extended, in-depth, collaborative project known as the PYP exhibition.

This involves students working collaboratively to conduct an in-depth inquiry into real life issues or problems.  Students collectively synthesise all of the essential elements of the PYP in ways that can be shared with the whole school community.

It also provides teachers with a powerful and authentic process for assessing student understanding.

The exhibition represents a unique and significant opportunity for students to exhibit the attributes of the IB learner profile developed throughout their engagement with the PYP.

It also provides schools and students with a wonderful opportunity to celebrate the transition of learners to the next phase of their education.

IB jargon is amusing and often leads me to a dictionary to decipher exactly what they are saying. 

Basically, Exhibition is a term-long thesis, on a subject chosen by the children in consultation with their teachers and based on the overall theme of work they have been involved with all year. 

The teachers place the kids in groups and provide them with a grade teacher (guidance), a mentor (a teacher from another grade in the junior school) and of course, Mum and Dad and/or older siblings who have been thru it. 

The grade teachers invited parents to an Information Session last week which was a huge help for those of us who have no idea what happens.

Exhibition IS:

• An opportunity for the kids to show everything they have learned in PYP
• A Celebration of Learning
• Each child's chance to shine, to be creative, to take control and be their best.
• Experience in group based projects before middle school
• Self discovery
• A chance to investigate a specific theme of choice within the framework of Grade 5 annual them of learning
• Challenging
• Fun
• A large part of PYP final assessment.

Most schools will alter their timetable for the remainder of the year to accommodate time in school for Exhibition to be done. Homework schedules are also modified to reflect the work that will be done at home in order to meet the various milestones. (First major milestone I read when not reading the notes provided to the kids is 3 completely separate and unique pieces of writing by end of April)

Some work is done in the group, so it's a good opportunity for team building, learning to negotiate, hone communication skills, time management etc. All stuff most 10-12 year olds need to know (?)

The individual components allow the kids to be as creative and free thinking as they want, with no one to limit them or challenge their ideas. All things most 10-12 year olds are pretty good at. 

Technology plays a large role in Exhibition. Blogs allow the kids to record their journey,  Reflection writing to be blogged (this is private between child and teacher only),video interviews to be uploaded and shared. There are presentations, both group based and individual to be written and practised. 

At the same time, single subjects like PE, drama, art, languages, math etc are still done!

The Role of Parents:

• Stay away from the work.
• Are not to get involved.
• To provide lots of hugs, healthy meals, and encourage early nights and calmness. 
• To ask general questions about Exhibition.
• Answer questions the kids might have.
• Offer to take kids (their own or others) on field trips if they have skills/expertise in relevant areas.
• Drive them to the local library.
• Invite the team over for an afternoon workshop 
• Allow the kids to do this on their own.

The kids in consultation with their teachers set the Assessment criteria and parameters, so everyone knows what's expected. The one MissM's grade is working with is 4 A4 pages long. We've talked about these sort of things durning the year and came up with the analogy that they are like a cooking recipe - why change or ignore the instructions if you want success at the end? 

In the real world, I explained, these are the same as me receiving a business brief, or an architect listening to their clients needs for their new home design, or the sales person in the shop listening to what you are looking for, or a patient telling the doctor what's wrong so they can start to heal you .... while it's school work, it's also real life work. Great experience!

It's HUGE but thousands of kids have gone thru Exhibition and survived and I know our grade will too. The grade 6 kids spoke with grade 5 earlier this week about what Exhibition meant to them and it was a very positive exercise.

Our household is prepared: we've a whiteboard for mind mapping ideas, pin boards for notes, a brand new week-to-a-page diary for time management; fresh high lighters to help with planning. We've had all this for months and they are used, but Exhibition will really allow MissM to hone her skills. 

I'm really excited for her and her peers. It sounds like a tonne of fun, and some challenging moments tho I wonder are they too young to cope with ALL that Exhibition might throw at them, as well as puberty??????

It's going to take all my strength to sit back and ignore in many ways what's going on. We had a fun time last night doing something and I couldn't help but throw in my suggestions to which MissM said 'mama, no it's my words not yours' and she was right. We laughed so hard. So I guess, that's my goal as a result of Exhibition is to learn to be quiet, to let her be, to let her fly ..... and provide a safety net for just in case. 

The next few months are going to be ver-ry interesting indeed.

I really hope we'll all be ready for middle school!

With friendship

x

ms-havachat's all for Equality for Geeks.

How cute are these dudes?

Over the summer holidays, MissM discovered Minecraft.  A few boy friends (not boyfriends, but boys who are friends, she asked me to make that very clear) welcomed her into their group to play/build/create together. They also show each other cool new stuff, or help solve problems together.

I'm not into Minecraft nor do I understand it, but they do and they are happy and that's fine with me.

What I and the other mums love about it, is that the kids are simply TOGETHER. Boys. Girls. TOGETHER. There's no jostling for power, no bitching, it's equal and balanced and well, normal. MissM got teased a little bit at her last school by some of the girls about MrH being her boy friend but she just shrugged it off and agreed, saying yes he's a boy and yes he's my friend, in fact he's one of my best friends.

When Geek Squad was offered as an after school activity at her new school, MissM jumped at the chance to learn more about Minecraft, hone her skills on Scratch (an animation coding site) and anything else the group offered.

She wasn't too impressed with the name of the activity and didn't want to be seen as a geek (don't blame her) but her desire to play online games once a week after school with friends was too much, so she signed up. She said 'daddy's a geek so it makes sense I'm one too'.

She was very surprised that she's the only girl in a group of 18 boys, tho she doesn't mind at all, in fact the reason this chat is happening is because of something she said in the car and I asked her if I could share it cos it's a really important message.

'Mumma, I think I am going to do my iTeam project* on How To Encourage More Girls Into Geek Squad cos I'm the only girl and that's just wrong. I can do the one about making a cosy home and how does my voice sing another time'

Pardon was all I could say as she caught me by surprise.

"Well, I'm the only girl doing Geek Squad and I think that's sad, don't you? I want to know why the other girls didn't sign up and I want to change their mind'

'Sounds like a fantastic iTeam topic. Does it bother you you're the only girl?'

"NO! I don't mind at all, but it would be fun to have more in the group.'

'So you've got all the boys to yourself?' giggle giggle giggle.

'MUMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop it' giggle giggle giggle. 

So far, they have seen and used a 3D printer, she has honed her skills on Scratch and is excited to be going to a local retirement village to show/help the residents how to use iPads.

How cool is our kid?

As part of grade 5 homework they have to complete a set of touch typing exercises each night; they have been given a couple of maths websites for practice; French homework this evening was online, IT is a subject and they are given school iPads to work on, so Geek Squad is pretty apt for all of them.

MissM was so excited she thought she could throw away pen and pencil forever (unless it was for art) and not have to finesse her handwriting (printing is acceptable if the kids don't want to do cursive) but the work is split between tapping away online and writing.

In preparing her iTime project, she interviewed some of the boys in the Squad, as well as the teacher. She also asked several girls a series of questions in order to work out WHY the girls weren't signing up. Turns out, the girls prefer to dance (on at same time) or didn't know enough about what they did in Geek Squad to sign up for it.

Her iTime project has encouraged conversation at home about types of jobs geeks secure, and when you think about it - desktop publishing, web designers, coding specialists, artists/designers, engineers, architects - the list goes on. Even the guys in Ikea last Sunday were using desk top publishers (or similar) to help people plan their kitchens.

What are these young girls thinking asked MissM!

It's kinda cool to be a geek - look at all those career opportunities!

So, after a couple of interviews, 3 weeks of Geek Squad and a few chats at home, MissM reckons its absolutely cool to be a girl geek.



PS: iTeam* project is a 6 weekly project, the topic is chosen by the student and can be anything!
Week 1 - Nominate topic and develop a starting point and finishing point (aka what do you want to know and why, what do you hope to learn)
Week 2 - Plan strategy
Week 3 - Implement strategy
Week 4 - Build case and start putting a presentation together
Week 5 - Finalise presentation and rehearse
Week 6 - Present to class (no more than 5 minutes)

What a great way to motivate the kids! Can't wait to see what other topics will be chosen by MissM and her class mates over the coming months.

Are you or your kids Geeks?

What does the word mean to you?

Do you think it needs a revamp? 

With friendship

x

ms-havachat's about coffee mornings

Who doesn't enjoy sipping coffee, chatting with friends.

It doesn't matter if you're in a cafe, their home, your home or the school library.

Just being together, talking, sharing, supporting is what it's all about.

Coffee mornings with or without a guest speaker are one of the regular events that glue the expat school community together. In fact, they probably glue most school communities together, and church groups, or a book club for that matter.

They are a great way to bring people together, to ensure the non-working parents have an opportunity to meet other parents and hopefully start friendships, to promote activities that require volunteers, and generally lift the community spirit within the school.

Some schools do it better than others, and it's great to be back in a school community that do it well - maybe a bit too many, but at least they are there and you can choose when to participate.

There are Welcome Back coffee mornings in September and January; grade coffee mornings which are different to class coffee mornings, Lower (elementary/primary) school coffee mornings and of course, one's for Middle and High school; then there's the all of school term coffee mornings, and the one's hosted by the Parents Association. Occasionally, the principal or head of school will host one too.

Sometimes there are guest speakers, sometimes there isn't.

Going thru the school calendar yesterday and writing up the relevant dates in the diary took me nearly an hour, but also made me realise just how many coffee mornings there are!

Thank goodness we've only one child here! Imagine having 4 grade coffee mornings, across the 3 schools (lower, middle and senior) plus 4 class coffee mornings plus the Parents Association - you'd swish thru your days!

Today I was invited to the first one with the Aussie and NZ parents for this year.

There were 4 dads and 8 mums.

We met at a lovely local cafe/restaurant for a late breakfast/coffee/chat.

The normal questions were asked of me and one other new arrival. You know the one's we chatted about a few days ago when we talked about Community - what a start! Everyone is amazed that this is our 5th move in 9 years .... I'm beginning to think it IS a lot.

One dad mentioned his daughter isn't coping too well but it's only been 6 months and thankfully he can see slight improvements already. Another mum had us in raucous belly laughs over her epiphany (her word) in the shower earlier today that she sent her son to school with seafood for lunch (a no-no like nuts) and how she bolted out of the shower and phoned school to retrieve the lunch from his backpack; we talked about fundraising for MrsD's eldest daughter and I'm excited that I'm going to help her plan and execute some fundraising ideas for her CAS (community service) component of her  IB.

Our new school encourages a parent from each nationality to step forward and volunteer to be THE lead parent of the group in terms of new families arriving during term, and especially for the organisation of the annual International Fair. Two mums offered to be the Aussie/NZ parent reps for 2015-16. When I told G I didn't volunteer he was delighted! I could sense his relief over our Skype session.

I'm now buzzing from the coffee's this morning, so it's green tea or water for the rest of the day.

With friendship
x

Ms-havachat about Community - What A Start!

Expat's make friends very quickly.

It's like speed dating.

You met because your kids are in the same class at school, or you have mutual friends from a past adventure who introduce you via email or Facebook, or they are the wives of your husbands work colleagues, or you met at the International Women's Club or the gym, tennis club, running club, pottery class or art course.

You smile, make small talk.

"What! You too?" WOW. Small world, eh?

There's a list of  standard questions that can be a heard all over the globe on the first day of international school as returning parents meet new arrivals over Welcome Coffee Mornings.

• When did you arrive?
• Where are you from?
• How long are you here?
• Do you have Kids?
• How many?
• Age?
• Where are you living?
• Do you have a car?
• Will you be working?
• Who does hubby work for?
• What does he do?
• Does he have to travel?
• Oh, do you know .........?
• Where else have you lived?
• When were you there?
• Oh, do you know .......?
• Are you a member of (insert name of gym or Club)?

If you've played this game you know it's not merely a Q and A session but rather, a very important  conversation that allows each of you to quickly work out if you want to swap phone numbers. It's the beginning of girl dating. 

Thanks to girl dating I've been on a few coffee dates, accompanied MissM on a Friday afternoon play date and been to lunch. Nothing but nothing could have prepared me for last Tuesday.

Last Tuesday morning MrsD phoned and asked if I'd like to join her and MrsW (newbie) on a quick little look-see of her favourite shopping spots in the locale. We met at the school car park and went in one car.

We drove to Egham High Street and had a quick walk around, then to Staines Shopping Centre where we grabbed lunch from Marks and Spencers after a quick look-see at the main bits of the area.

Now, I have had a niggling pain in my hip for a few weeks (yeah yeah) and over the course of a few hours it got worse. My thigh was so painful I could hardly walk. MrsW confessed that she thought I had a limp but didn't recall me limping when we first met a few days before. When MrsD asked me if I was ok, MrsW realised I didn't have a limp but was in pain. By the time I had to collect MissM, I was finding it very difficult to walk and the pain was apparent to others as several mums said 'are you ok'

MrsD saw me and told me to sit down; she grabbed MrsB and asked her if MissM could go home with her as she was taking me to A&E. I drove home. MissM was delighted to have an impromptu palliate and sad I wasn't well and MrsD went home, organised her 3 kids and met me at the hotel.

Three hours later, waiting in A&E, and much bonding was done. I'm sure I talked more than her as the pain was pretty bad. She phoned MrsB and explained we would be hours and could MissM sleep over; she then phoned another mum (I only know her first name) and asked her to collect MissM from school the following day so I could 'rest'.

MrsD and I laughed so hard when she had to help me get undressed and gown up for X-rays. We've met twice in a large group for coffee and now this! The man in the next bed commented on how lovely it was to hear such genuine laughter - we heard thru the curtain he had leukaemia and was worried about a burn he got over the weekend being infected. That stopped us laughing quick smart.

MrsD pushed me in the wheel chair to and from X-ray and out to the car .... if we're not BF's after this I don't know what we are.

After a series of X-rays, and a few push-pull tests there's nothing wrong other than strained muscles (no idea how/when I did that). They gave me super duper pain killers and anti-inflamatory tablets.

On Wednesday afternoon, MrsD met MissM at reception and introduced her to the 'mum' who brought her home; she then kindly offered to collect MissM Thursday and bring her home so I could have two full restful days.

MissM was so kind - asking me if I was ok. I was more concerned about her as I had disappeared and she had spent a night with a family we didn't know and was brought home by someone unfamiliar to her. She took it in her stride and said muma, they are school mums. I was fine. HOW ARE YOU?

WHAT A START!

I'm usually the one offering to help and organise so being on the receiving end from women I have literally only just met was truly incredible.

MrsD has done a few expat stints and kept saying 'its' what we do, we can't rely on the husbands so we have to rely on each other'. Talk about girl power!

Her husband travels more than he is home; MrsW husband is still in their previous home finishing his contract; the other lovely mums husband also travels 'a lot' for work; another mum I met is pretty much a full time single mum as her hubby is based in the UAE and she and the kids are here - they all support each other when ever the needs arises. There's no thank you cards or flowers sent - it's just a given that you do what you can do when you can do it.

Thank goodness G doesn't travel. Though if he did, I know I'm in a great community and would be just fine.

With friendship
x

ms-havachat's education - Orientation

Again, Google Images has what I need to express today's chat

Today, MissM started her 6th school. It's only the second time she's started on the first day of school with everyone else. Every other time it's been mid-term which is hard going.

Every time she starts school I go thru the same feelings. It's odd to expect your child to walk into a totally unknown environment, with people she doesn't know and have fun! Fit in! Make a friend!

She didn't sleep much last night due to excitement and nerves.

We were up early and at school 20 minutes early for Orientation and as other people were walking into school, we did too.

We can't remember the last time we saw her so confident and sassy - well, we can. It was at the International School in Yokohama. As she said 'the kids are all like me, expats. We belong together' and she's right.

She also said 'starting a new school every couple of years is what I do, like you join a new International Women's Club or daddy starts a new job'

I'm guessing some of you are thinking WOW .... while others are thinking SAD.

I'm kinda in the middle of both emotions.

While I love school uniforms, there's something liberating about wearing your own clothes to school. I took a photo of her to share with her grandparents, and could not quite believe the young teenager the camera captured. She was beaming!



The lead up to Orientation has been very professional, informative and friendly.

From the moment we accepted the place at school, we've received emails from various sections of school informing us of everything we could possibly think of and then some. Neither G nor I had questions today. We're sure to have some over the next few weeks, but not today.

All the forms are online - contact, medical, school handbook including numerous policies, after school activities, sports, performing arts, permission for photography.

Like a survey, there's a completion bar which fills up til 100% has been reached. Only then can you move onto the next section.

This morning, the Head of School welcomed 79 new families (130 kids).

The Parent Teacher Ass. President welcomed us and explained the role of the PTO and invited participation on many levels. We were then introduced to key members of staff before being invited to stroll the PTO MarketPlace which included stalls promoting sports, after school activities, performing arts program, music classes, the PTO and a few other things we didn't bother to see as they were targeting middle and senior school kids.

We were given a very thick booklet WELCOME TO SCHOOL which details everything about school, the local area and living in the UK for expats. There's metric/imperial conversion charts, English vocabulary (this is usually American English to British English), places of worship, hospitals, local sports clubs, English language schools and more. It's bloody brilliant!

The PTO have a brochure with all the dates for coffee mornings, meetings and social events for the year (how organised is that?), and another brochure explaining the role of PTO and inviting participation from new parents.

After chatting to the ladies on the PTO table for a while, it was off to the classroom to meet MissM's teacher; she was ready and waiting with the kids names laminated on small pieces of board for the kids to pin where they are from on a map of the world; her laptop was open waiting for parents to enter their contact details on the Class Contact List;  MissM' stationery order was waiting in a box with her name on it, along with other kids.

We had about 45 minutes to wait before the next Orientation presentation, so we sat and chatted with a other 'new' parents. Expats have a way of just talking, of being open and connecting. MrsW arrived on Friday last week from Mexico (they are American, dad's British but not lived here for over 20 years). Still no house; frustrated by driving on the other side of the road and hubby flies back to Mexico tomorrow to finish his contract. An Aussie mum heard us chatting and joined in; they've been here 3 years and love it.

We joined a few mums/kids for lunch at Saville Gardens.

Tomorrow is the first full day of school.