ms-havachat and GDPR - Opt In or Opt Out?

The minute you know you MIGHT be moving to a new country you start researching online - distance between work and potential areas to live in relation to school/s, house availability/affordability, international women's club, supermarkets, doctors, various sports or other interest groups your family enjoy and other helpful websites that will make your landing and transition calm.

When you arrive, new friends share websites with you that they found helpful, and so you go online, check them out and subscribe.

You gather various websites as you go, some are helpful, some are not. Some email you regularly while others are more cyclical. You slowly start to weed out the ones you don't like, and look forward to others.

When you no longer need/rely on them, you may choose to UNSUBSCRIBE to help keep incoming mail under control or just ignore them.  When you know you're about to leave and move onto next adventure you tend to click that unsubscribe option A LOT whittling down the information that's relevant for HERE because you're going to ramp up information for THERE.

Those of you in the EU will be well aware of the GENERAL DATE PROTECTION REGULATION (aka GDPR), is a regulation which the European Commission would like to strengthen and unify date protection for individuals within the EU, as well as personal date which may be exported (ie: shared) outside of the EU.

Interestingly, several friends are responsible for this within their organisations and OMG what a headache it's been. One friend says she is eating, sleeping, breathing GDPR and believes this is only the beginning in as much as it's created and will continue to create an increase in work, and is seriously considering hiring someone purely for the role of GDPR officer (or similar).  Hubby is involved in GDPR for his project with work and again, OMG!

For people like you and me, it's more WHEN DID I SUBSCRIBE TO THAT and WHY???????

My inbox is pinging constantly with newly arrived emails from websites, retailers, online businesses, tourist attractions, hotel chains, airlines, schools, florists, charities and more who have somehow got my email and are asking me to PLEASE STAY CONNECTED. Heck, I don't recall subscribing to half of them!

I bought a gift for a friend in Sydney online (so much easier than buying in UK and posting especially when several parcels have recently gone missing) and suddenly, I am on their mailing list.

ONE enquiry to a travel agent years ago resulted in an email pleading with me to STAY CONNECTED (didn't use them initially, so there's nothing to stay connected for)

Do websites collect emails like some people collect Friends on Facebook? Regardless of the quality of the relationship, please stay.

The surprise for me is that I thought I was on top of this, that I clean up my emails often, and am diligent in unsubscribing but apparently I'm not.

With the May 25 deadline looming, everyone's inbox in the UK is filling up fast with all manner of websites asking you to please stay, you're important to us promising to treat your privacy with the utmost respect and care ....... to which I, and others (hot topic amongst friends these past few weeks) have said WOW, don't recall signing to this one DELETE, or haven't used you for ages DELETE, or the Facebook page offers me the information I need DELETE, or I shopped with you once, DELETE.

I am curious about the retention rates!
Will businesses loose many potential online customers simply because they need to reach out and ask us to OPT IN?
Has the recent hacking situations made us all a bit more wary of who has our information, and so if we don't perceive a full on need, we'll simply chose to OPT OUT til we changed our minds and find the company again?
Has the collective distrust of how our information is handled made us rethink how we use online opportunities?

Be very interesting .............. meanwhile, there's been several more PINGS while writing this chat so I best go check them out and DELETE DELETE DELETE

With friendship
x

PS: Whatever you do PLEASE DO NOT DELETE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mshavachat discovers a traditional fruit and veggie stall

Open for business

A week or so ago, someone posted on a Facebook community page 'just back from fresh fruit and veggie stall at Hilliers' with a photo. The first thing I noticed was the majority of the produce was loose, ie: no plastic wrapping.

For the past few months, the media and online chatter has been elevated, educating us about the amount of single-use plastic taking it's toll on  environment and encouraging alternatives.

When you see images like this, you know we
have to do something!

As a result, I've been paying more attention to the amount of plastic and other unnecessary packaging we discard each time we arrive home after the supermarket, or other shopping (and we don't do that much shopping). Businesses have pledged to stop offering single-use-plastic straws, supermarkets are no longer offering free plastic shopping bags and charge for them while offering canvass or recycled plastic shopping bags (I am very proud of my collection of bags from each place we've lived).

The UK supermarkets wrap practically EVERY piece of fruit and vegetable in some form of plastic - from placing them on trays and sealing in plastic, to shrink wrapping cucumber and lettuce. As there's only 3 of us in our household, each with their preference to certain fruits and veggies, it's difficult to buy small amounts of anything, so we either do without or waste things.

With heightening awareness, we were filling the rubbish bin at home with plastic wrapping and trays each time we returned from the supermarket. I started to notice the amount of single-use-plastic bottles we have in the house - shampoo, condition, deodorant, soap, dishwashing liquid, laundry liquid, various sauces in the pantry, milk, pretty much all my cosmetics - the list goes on.

Are you feeling helpless yet?
Are you looking around your house, noticing maybe for the first time the amount of single-use-plastic there is?
Does it bother you?
What alternatives are there?

One thing I can instantly regain control over, is less plastic simply by shopping with Martin Lamb and his family at their Traditional Fruit and Veg Stall at Hilliers Garden Centre on the A30 in Windlesham! It reminded me of my local fruit shop we went to practically daily as a kid.

I was SO EXCITED to find a 'real' fruit and veggie stall/shop, that I introduced myself, explained I blog, and asked if I could write about them. I felt the overwhelming need to share and spread the word.

Martin Lamb started house to house deliveries of fruit and veggies in 1976, and established his first retail outlet in 1987 as a result of his professional relationship with growers and wholesalers at Covent Gardens markets. At the same time, their wholesale business supplying hotels, restaurants, pubs etc continued to grow and they knew that with the right mix, they'd be able to continue their own business as well as support the local growers who had come to depend on them.

Martin Lamb (left) and son

Like most small, independently owned small-medium business the world over, the rise of the supermarket quickly over took them, and in 1994 the retail business closed. With a healthy wholesale business, they were able to keep going ........ and reinvented themselves. In 1994, they started holding a mobile stall at Hilliers Garden Centre on Wednesday and Saturdays, and at Odeum (Fleet/Farnborough) on Fridays.

The produce is sourced from local farmers (which is super important these days) in the area and at Covent Gardens markets. I love the buy local shop local mantra in action and am very happy to support it.

The fact that most of the produce is sold loose, means that no matter how many or how few you need to feed, you can buy the exact amount you want! I'm finding the little and often mantra is paying off already - no wastage!

Check out the produce! 

When was the last time you saw this?
Mushrooms last longer in paper bags.

A real cash register!
And scales!
Memories of childhood.

One of the customers, MrsP from West End said, she loves shopping here because ' the friendliness and service is second to none. The quality of produce too' and I couldn't agree more!

So of you're in the area, drop by and tell them ms-havachat sent you, and take cash (no credit/debit card facilities)

With friendship

x

ms-havachat has news

This blogging business is tricky, and time consuming, and rewarding and challenging and from time to time I have a dream that ms-havachat has a HUGE following of expats from all over the world, chatting and sharing daily, creating an online community of people who like to pay-if-forward and share kindness, thoughtfulness and support with a lot of giggles.

So, while I don't blog daily, and I'm not going to start podcasting, I do feel like it's time to branch out and attract a few more chatters to the fun. I'll also return to more regular blogs here ..... I'm working on two series and enjoying the research.

mshavachat on facebook is so much fun! I love sharing posts from my favourite bloggers or what friends share ....... and adding my own photo's and observations is fun too. In some ways, the instant contact with you via Facebook overshadows this - the BLOG - the longer chats, where we have time to dig a bit deeper and share more and for that I apologise.

I've been thinking about adding ms-havachat to Instagram ...... using the same # and attracting a wider audience, who might enjoy my vignettes and follow the chats on Instagram, then LIKE the Facebook page and who knows, subscribe here.

After numerous mistakes, there's several empty ms-havachats on Instagram but thanks to my clever teen, ms-havachatuk is up and running on Instagram!

The ability to be out'n'about and snap a photo and pop it onto Instagram and Facebook is really attractive, however I also enjoy sitting quietly in our home office, music in the background, typing out a longer, more thoughtful blog.

Please accept this invitation to join me on Instagram, and share with friends as often as you like.

The more the merrier,

With friendship
x

ms-havachat goes back to Winchester Christmas Markets

Thanks Google Images

Trying to get a group of friends to visit Winchester Christmas Markets on a Friday night wasn't easy, but four of us managed to get the kids sorted, hubbies to commit to being home at a reasonably early time so we could head off down the M3 for a night of giggles and Christmas shopping.

It was the perfect, crisp, clear COLD December night to go to Winchester Christmas Markets. The forecast was for super cold weather (it snowed every so lightly around 10am) but we still braved it. Four mums out on a Friday night. Two had never been to the Markets here, one had (but many years ago), and one had never been to Winchester at all!

One was dressed in thermal, long sleeve t-shirt, with a polo neck jumper, Christmas themed cardigan, winter coat, gloves, scarf AND bought a gorgeous winter hat. The rest of us had coats, hats and gloves over every-day tops LOL. And it was cold!

So cold in fact, that there was hardly anyone there when we arrived around 6.30pm. The mulled wine on arrival hit the spot!

Note to self: arrive earlier next year. For some reason (maybe the cold weather, maybe because they start trading at 10am) the markets shut at 7.30pm on-the-dot. We walked into one shop ready to buy, only to be told, "sorry, we're closing" and that was that.

I've been several times, and love it. Didn't take any photo's cos I needed my hands in my gloves. Hubby was pleased it was so cold as I didn't take too much money out of my wallet LOL.

The Cathedral Close is probably one of the best locations for a Christmas Market as they nestle peacefully under the strong, towering walls of the Cathedral. The soft, emotive lighting of the exterior of the Cathedral is so tastefully done. The Chalets are the usual wooden huts, some set up for customers to walk into and browse, while others present their goods to you from behind a display counter.

What I really enjoy about Winchester Markets, and my friends commented on too, was the number of local artisans and craftspeople offering high quality, unique items at reasonable prices.  Two of our group have been to markets in Europe and said this was as good, if not a little bit better! As a past resident of Winchester, I was rather pleased to hear that.

In November, The Daily Telegraph listed Winchester Christmas Markets as one of the Top Markets in the UK. 

We all purchased gifts, and a few things for ourselves. If only we'd had longer (and it wasn't so cold)

Next year, we'll plan better AND book a restaurant for dinner (took several attempts before we found one that could seat us. I forget how popular dining out in Winchester is).

The walk back to the car was delightful - past the Guildhall all lit up, the Old Wooden Mill with the Itchen River flowing very fast under the bridge, past Bishop on the Bridge, The Black Bottle, No 5 Bridge Street and the Chesil Restaurant.

For  more information about the markets, click here. 

With friendship
x

ms-havachat has lunch at The Rose and Olive Branch, Virginia Waters

I've driven past this quaint pub so many times, but never thought to check it out until today when a friend made a group booking for lunch.

The Rose and Olive Branch, on Callow Hill is like stepping back in time into a quintessential local pub, frequented by the same old timers, at the same time every day for years. Even the carpet oozes old-world charm!

Who knew this small, quaint local pub, on a backroad in Virginia Waters had such an incredible history?!?!?!?!?


"Once an old beer and cider house , this Inn is between 200-250 years old and stand on what used to the the Crossroads at the foot of a hill in Windsor Great Park. This hill was known then as Gallow Hill on top of which stood at Gibbet, which was seldom inhabited those days, bot over the years has been corrupted to Callow Hill.

Like all old houses, during the Civil War in the 17th century, the Royalist and Cromwellian  forces met here to sign a Treaty, upon completion of which the leader of hte Roundheads presented the elder of the Cavaliers with an Olive Branch as a symbol of peace, and received in return a Red Rose. It was from this event that this Inn derived its name and it's believed to be the only of one of this name in England.

In our sign can be seen the Roundhead presenting the Cavlier with the Olive Branch and receiving in return the Red Rose. Whilst in the background  the rival forces are signing the treaty outside the Inn at the Crossroads."

An historic story told in a simple pub sign

The pub has a reputation is for serving 'great pies' and from the looks of them coming from the kitchen, and the smiling faces on friends, we'll be back to try them! I really enjoyed my baked salmon fillet and chips (real ol' fashion, pub chips), while the BLT, mushroom and chicken filo and other meals looked and smelled delicious. Interesting to note there is a gluten free menu.

Food and Food related signage

Ol' world charm interior

We had a lovely lunch and a good chat over good, simple food.


For more information, check out their website www.theroseandolivebranch.com

ms-havachat discovers Inspirations in Sunninghill

Inspirations gorgeous shopfront
54 High Street, Sunninghill Ascot, SL5 9NF

This morning I met a friend for a coffee before art class. With time to spare before class, I decided to stroll the High Street in Sunninghill and discovered INSPIRATIONS, a truly delightful gift shop.

The strange thing about where we live, indeed for most of us these days, independently owned boutique retailers are few and far between, thanks to the multi-national global branded retailers. `Just walk down any major High Street, or visit a shopping mall (ie: centre) and you'll see the same retail outlets, varying only based on the socio-demographics of the area. Trying to find a privately owned, one-off, independent retail outlet isn't easy these days.

Bricks'n'mortar shopping is struggling to compete with online retailers so things like customer service, product differentiation, product knowledge are what's able to set them apart. The gaps can be huge if bricks'n'mortar retailers invest in their staff, their physical shops and products. I throughly enjoyed training my retail staff, and the interaction with our customers, the rapport and trust that developed all of which resulted in increased sales.

Inspirations is a text-book independently owned shop. Owner/manager of 18 years, Judy and best friend Janet are warm and friendly and know their stock intimately. They take pride in sourcing the best of British made products as often as possible,  and love finding British designers whose products will sit well in the shop. Their suggestions for gift ideas was most appreciated!

Judy on the right, with Janet. 

What a little treasure trove of loveliness. Fashion accessories like hats, gloves, scarves and bags are displayed creatively amongst ornaments and photo frames, while the jewellery is set to one side. 

There's a lot of stock in a small shop, and it's lovely!

Everything is well displayed and easy to see.

There's a bespoke toy section too  that offers high quality
brands and a selection across young ages.

Janet loves stocking Sea Witch candles that are made in a small village in Cornwell, while Sam Wilson, from The Cotswolds is another very popular British range.

There's a great selection of cards and wrapping paper AND they gift wrap!

Very true!

You won't find Inspirations online. They believe in 'word of mouth' recommendation from their client base, many of whom have been with them for 'years'. They smiled when the explained how happy it makes them knowing they are serving generations of customers, from near and far. 

I'm so pleased I discovered Inspirations this morning and was 'inspired' to take a few photo's and have a chat, so I can share it with you.

If you're in the area, do pop in and say ms-havachat recommended you.

With Friendship

x

ms-havachat loves Huffkins

Add caption

If you're ever in the Cotswolds area of the UK (and I strongly recommend you make time to do so), you must visit Stow on the Wold (the most picturesque story book village in the area) and you must have a tea (or coffee) and eat at the famous Huffkins Tea Rooms.

Started in 1890, the business has only had 3, yes, THREE families own/manage/run the business.  Topsie and Faith are sisters and have been the proud owners for 18 years.

I was lucky enough to meet Topsie when we popped in for morning tea. There was a sign on the counter top that read ' We Supply our Handmade Fruit Cakes to the Royal Palaces' and I asked 'how does a small business in the Cotswolds achieve this honour?' which started a delightful conversation with a very lovely lady - just look at that smile!

A very proud Topsie showing off their status
as provider of Fruit Cakes to the
Royal Palaces

Turns out, you just rock on up to Buckingham Palace on designated tasting days, when Palace officials are sourcing new providers and wait in a long line with others doing the same thing.

About 18 months ago, Faith took a few fruit cakes to Buckingham Palace on such a day and the cakes were tasted and very much enjoyed. They submitted ingredients and other paperwork and voila! Huffkins provides the Royal Palaces with Fruit Cakes.

They also provide fruitcake to Fortnum and Mason and several other London stores, as well as their own tea rooms throughout the Cotswolds and even Japan! 

In 5 years, they will be eligible to receive the Royal Seal which will be simply another well earned recognition in the businesses esteemed history. 

The Royal Warrant is a fascinating English tradition dating back to 1840. It started because there was such fierce competition from local business and farmers to do business with the King, that a criteria was established and only those who could at the minimum meet them were considered. 

There are around 800 Royal Warrants today. Click here for the full list. 

Huffkins is in incredible company, and deservedly so. We absolutely enjoyed our delicious lunch, the coffee was great, and the cakes DIVINE as you can see in the photo's below. 

We look forward to following Huffkins (and returning one day for another visit) as they bide their time over the next few years, waiting for their Royal Warrant. 

If you see Topsie or Faith, please say ms-havachat from Sydney says hi.

With friendship

x

ms-havachat discovers Burlington House and More

Fabulous exhibition, and doors, and building

Henri Matisse is one of my favourite artists and I've been fortunate to see a few exhibitions showcasing his work. Matisse in the Studio is currently showing at the Royal Academy of Arts in Burlington House is really special and there's so many pieces I've not seen before.

The audio guide was very interesting too, tho of course, several days later, I can't recall a thing LOL.

What my companion and I always find fascinating about Matisse is he can still be considered relatively modern (1869-1954) though for some reason, most of us think he's from a different generation of artists altogether.

After an hour or so enjoying the exhibition, we started our exploration of Piccadilly by walking across the road to the iconic Fortum & Mason. The store started way back in 1707 and soon became the most fashionable place to shop in London, even being good enough for the Royal Family.

Simple, stylish unassuming entrance to the store

Today, the food hall is one of the most popular places in London to visit, and like a Harrods shopping bag, a tin of Fortum & Mason tea or shortbread biscuits is a London-must-do thing. Recommend buying an extra one for you to have on your way home. They are delicious. The cake and chocolate counters on the ground floor are works of edible art!

Cakes and chocolate like no where else

The Fortum & Mason tea tin.
Too pretty to be thrown away.

Famous Fortnum and Mason Christmas Hampers.
Sales people were busy preparing and wrapping
bespoke orders for destinations
near and far.

It's too early for Christmas decorations and hampers but
here they are

We were VERY surprised to find that not one Christmas decoration had a Fortum and Mason logo on it - not even a stamp underneath the £40 tree decorations. We might have bought one or two as gifts had they had the famous logo somewhere on them (note to Fortnum and Mason's Christmas marketing department for next year maybe)

Harrods has it's Bear, and the Bag, and some Christmas decorations have Harrods on them; my cloth Winchester Cathedral is obvious, as are other decorations. Just think they've missed something here.

Anyhow, we enjoyed our look-see, and by now were a little thirsty and peckish so we indulged ourselves with morning tea at Fortnum and Mason.

Tea, Apple and Cucumber sorbet, avocado on toast.

Did you watch the TV Series, Selfridges? I think that's why I have an fascination with these old established retailers in the UK. To think they've been selling pretty much the same thing for hundreds of years is impressive. That ladies were employed in some of the first salaried jobs, that cosmetics made their debut on the ground floor, is a bit nostalgic.

Feeling refreshed, we walked across the road to the Burlington Arcade for a stroll. Reminded me very much of the Strand Arcade in Sydney (tho not as pretty) and many arcades in Melbourne. The Burlington Arcade was built in 1818/19 at the request of Lord George Cavendish, later the Earl of Burlington for his wife, so she and her friends could shop in peace and quiet (London was rowdy and a tad dirty back then).

The Burlington Arcade is 'destination jewellery' of all types. From diamonds to pearls, all types of watches (upper end of the brand scale only) and a few silver shops. The lalique shop borough back a flood of memories!  There was even a Manolo Blanik shop! It was an interesting stroll, and fun to have a photo with the Beadle. However, the retailers on the OTHER side of the Arcade were something else. It reminded me of walking along Ginza or 5th Avenue, just different architecture.

Every exclusive brand is represented with a stand alone store

There were security guards on all shop doors, and some doors were unlocked to welcome customers, but remained locked otherwise. The window displays were elegant, there were no price tags on show (hehehehehe), and in most cases, we observed there were more staff than customers (several shops were empty except for staff)

We throughly enjoyed our day in and around Piccadilly and Mayfair . I wouldn't necessarily put it on the bucket list of things to do when in London, but it's easy walking and helps fill a couple of hours.

I'm sure there's much more to these iconic areas of London, and I wish you well exploring them.

Wish friendship
x

ms-havachat finally gets to Wisley Gardens

We finally made it to Wisley Gardens! It was a glorious sunny Sunday. We had no plans. Teen was up to date with school work. There was no rugby on TV. Housework was up to date. Hubby wasn't on a deadline. There was absolutely no excuse NOT to go out. 

After cajoling my two to be outside and vertical, we headed outside!  

Wisley was founded by Victorian businessman and RHS (Royal Horticultural Society) member, George Ferguson Wilson, who purchased a mere 60-acre site in 1878. Today, Wisley covers over 240 acres, and is one of the largest most diverse public gardens in the UK (if not, the world!)

The gardens offer something for everyone - formal decorative, informal decorative, numerous glasshouses doing different things, there are teaching facilities as well has laboratories for scientific research and training. It's truly magnificent. 

The laboratory was opened in 1907 and received
Grade II Listig status in 1985.

We opted to join the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS) as members as it worked out more economical than buying 2 x adults + 1 x children's entry tickets. Even if I just come back once with a friend, we've paid for our membership - anymore than that, and we're ahead! It's always a great idea to check Membership options in the UK as they are very affordable. We joined English Heritage and National Trust for the same reasons - it's more economical, it encourages you to get out'n'about and you're supporting these great institutions. WIN. WIN. WIN. 

The day we visited, the Surrey Sculpture Festival was on. It added a lovely expedition feel to the visit as we followed the events map around the gardens, looking for the various works on display. We walked and talked and stopped to comment on the artwork - we agreed on liking a few and disliking a few and other than that, we've very different taste. 

Just a few examples of the varied work on display

My favourite of the day, tucked away in a
walled garden in the sunshine, 

The gardens themselves are very beautiful and diverse. We know nothing about gardening but still enjoyed waking around the various displays and checking out unusual plants. Wisley is a photographer and artists dream setting! There were several people taking full advantage the day we were there.

Several beautiful arched walkways lead you from
one part of the gardens to another.

There are so many places to sit and enjoy the gardens,
from picnic under the trees, to well places seats.

There's so many beautiful, calm waterways in the Gardens,
offering various places to sit and relax.

If you forget your picnic basket don't worry, there's
lots of places to buy food and drinks.

Definitely recommend wearing comfy walking shoes.

We thoroughly enjoyed our outing to Wisley and look forward to returning many times over the coming year. Next time, we might even take a picnic blanket.

Address: Wisley Lane, Wisely, Woking GU23 6QB
Website: www.rhs.org.uk/gardens/wisley

With friendship
x

ms-havachat ponders the Annual Clean Up of Facebook Friends

Do you collect Facebook friends or do you stick to only adding people you know in real-life?

How long do you know someone before you add them, or accept their friend request?

Is it ridiculous that even thinking about 'adding a friend' is even part of our thought process?

What do you tell your kids (age relevant) about adding only people they know in real-life to their various social media?

Why do I always feel compelled to write similar chats at this time of year?????????????? I do hope, that as our expat life and experiences have evolved, so have the chats!


As an expat, I think the propensity to collect online friends is much higher that local friends, simple because we have to start over in a new place every few years. The joy of living in the one place for
y-e-a-r-s escapes us, even tho as a child I lived in the same area (two different addresses) ti I moved out of home! Teen hasn't lived in the same city, let alone the same address for more than 3 years!

People are constantly arriving (and leaving) so the friendship circle expands and contracts constantly. The biggest movement happens over summer in the northern hemisphere, as school tends to dictate moves, and again a smaller migration over December for the start of school in January.

This movement of families is like Ground Hogs Day for long time veterans of expat life. There's the orientation day/s at school, where returning parents greet each other with hugs and kisses, and newbies often look like rabbits caught in headlights. I love seeing my friends after holidays but know that it's more important to fix eyes on a newbie and walk over and introduce myself, ask the 20 Questions we've talked about before in previous chats, and see where it goes ............

This is the tricky part - when do you send the Facebook friend request, or indeed, if they send you one right away, do you accept? Are you indeed friends at this point? Do you extend/accept simply to be polite?

It's Girl Dating all over again - is it too soon? Should you wait, and if so, how long? What if someone gets there before you?

It's at this time of year when I feel the urge to do a bit of a clean up, to remove the fair-weather friends ...... do you? Is it rude?

Do you go thru and remove 'friends'?  What motivates you to do this? What thought process do you go thru in deciding who to keep? We don't ditch 'real' friends so easily. How come online friends take up so much time?????????????

Seriously! This subject has been in my head for a few weeks now, so I thought a quick chat with you might help clarify things.

Let's consider things like how you met, how long you've known each other, do you socialise in each others homes or just out'n'about? What do YOU mean by the word Friend? Maybe that's it - maybe it's simply do to with your definition and nothing more.

The good friends I've made over the past decade somehow felt right from the beginning. Sometimes, it's just meant to be.

I guess I'm chatting about the acquaintances, the peripheral friends. There are so many words to describe friendship, just check out the Thesaurus.

Keeping all those words in mind, think about these situations .................

Expat Network:
Friends you've made in places you've lived. You've both moved on, some repatriate, others keep roaming ...... will you ever see them again? If they wrote and said they were coming to town, would you go meet them for coffee? They do come in handy if someone you know is moving to where they've been or are ........ you were friends, hung out together but moved away simply because you're expats.

Common Interests:
Nothing other than a sports club affiliation, or kids dance class, your neighbours who share the taxiing of kids to/from stuff, you're in the same club, or kids in the same class at school, or you're on a committee together. Guess hanging out in a WhatsApp group talking about the specific's of any of the above 'groups' makes sense, but Facebook? Where you share so much of yourself .... do they need to know?????????????

Instant Friend:
You meet at a school function or end up together at lunch, have an enjoyable time and next thing BAM! there's a friend request on Facebook from them. Again, Facebook? Where you share so much of yourself .... do they need to know?????????????

Politically Correct:
You're on the same committee, they are a well respected long-term member of the community, they reached out to you (not the other way round).

Stalkers:
Those friends who never comment, never post anything. You wonder why they bother having a Facebook account.

Obligatory Friend:
The one you feel you HAVE to keep; they might be a long-lost cousin or friend from school, might even be an in-law, or someone who's just handy to have for those 'just incase' situations that arise from time to time.



The list goes on ....... just google 'cleaning up Friends on Facebook' and see how many blogs there are on the subject.  There's numerous tips and suggestions. There's even video tutorials showing you how to do it. Clearly a lot of people have the same issues.

Now open your Facebook page BUT COME BACK! - go to your friends list and slowly go thru it - recall when you first met, what you have in common, the last time you hung out together or Skyped, the tone of their posts/comments, the genuineness of the relationship  - if you start to smile, keep them! If not, think twice then consider deleting them (maybe). It's a tough call, right?

Or not!

What about keeping them and building a huge following of '000 like younger people do (gosh, am I old or what?)

Facebook has an option where you group your posts to family, friends, acquaintances etc, but to be honest who could be bothered? We tend to SHOUT OUT all sorts of things to anyone who'll listen, and hope someone will at the very least hit LIKE.

'Unfollow' is a great option as it allows you to remain friends, but you don't see their posts (this comes in handy when political comments take over your feed).

The Annual Clean Up of Facebook Friends tends to happen every summer in my circle. From time to time, I do see people posting that they are going to clean up their friends list and not to take offence if you're ditched. Have you ever done that? How did it go??????????????

Summer comes. People move onto new adventures or repatriate. You know you'll never see them again and that's ok. You genuinely wish them well, but 'outta sight outta mind' is fine too. However, sometimes it's a good idea to keep them handy, cos you never know when you or someone you know will be pondering a move to where they are/have lived and their suggestions might be useful.

Navigating friendships in the real world can sometimes be difficult, and adding online-friendships makes life way more complicated than it needs to be. There's only a handful of people I'm friendly with on Facebook who I've not met - they are other bloggers who I have followed for years and somehow one of us reached out to the other and voila! we're Facebook buddies.

Friends to keep are the ones, who in the real world are there for you; who you spend time with, who make an effort to stay in touch despite the geographical distance

And it's no longer just Facebook - there's Instagram, and Snapchat too among other social media. Navigating these as a business or personality is fraught with danger and so very time consuming, how on earth is the average person supposed to cope? No wonder we're all exhausted before we leave the house in the morning.


My question is not so much do you drop Facebook friends, but WHEN and WHY do you do it?

If you're an expat, how long a time between the farewells and removing or the arrivals and adding them do you wait?

You're suggestions are most welcomed,

Once I work it out, I'll pop back and let you know

With friendship
x

ms-havachat and the whole Mover, Greeter thing

There are expats the world over lamenting the loss of friend/s who have moved over summer, which means, there are expat's the world over getting ready to either BE the newbie or GREET the newbie.

This year, we are again GREETERS of newbies, and sad to see friends leave.

Summer is the big corporate domino moving game, especially when school aged kids are involved. (Northern hemisphere-wise as the new school year starts in August/September). You often hear 'here we go again' or 'it's that time of year' or 'it seems more/less people are moving than last year' or 'did you hear (insert name) is leaving!'

The MOVERS are in their in their serviced accommodation while scouting the available properties looking for their new home OR they have their new home and are waiting for shipments to arrive before moving in. Some who left early in the summer and moved short distances (UK to Europe for example) are already in their new homes with their shipment unpacked ready to explore their new locale. Kids are getting ready for their new school/new school year; the lead parent (read this on Two Fat Expats Facebook page in a conversation and quite liked the term) is doing research on school supplies, local shops, hairdressers, GP's etc all the while on the look out for a new friend.

There's been lots of photo's on Facebook of packing boxes and Ikea deliveries.


Some things never change in the life of a global nomad.

Then there are all the new friends we've not met yet doing the same thing as they ARRIVE, aka NEWBIES! Maybe one of them will move into a familiar house recently vacated by a friend or buy their car from the local used car dealer who specialises in working with the expat community.

They too are surrounded by packing boxes and Ikea deliveries.

School has started the 2017/18 year in some parts of the world, and for those families it's been new routines, maybe a uniform (or not), new schedules, new friends .... I smile when I think of how we send our kids to a new school on the first day with the 'go have fun and make friends' conversations and simply expect them do just that.

Our school starts back end of August and we've already met a few new families at informal social events that school has held primarily for the new families but with returning parents/kids participation. It's a great chance to meet'n'greet the new families/kids before the rush of first day school.

Friendships in expat life are made quickly - there's not much time to muck around as one of you will probably leave sooner rather than later. Of course some don't work out, but on the whole you manage to make good judgement calls.

This year several friends have moved to new cities where we have  friends already living there! It's not even six degrees of separation! I am their main link to a possible friendship.

If Friend A and I are friends; and Friend B and I were friends when we were living in the same city and remain friends despite one/both of us moving on, then surely Friend A and Friend B will have something in common, other than me, to make a friendship from! SURELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(And if not, as has been known to happen, then at the very least there's a voice on the end of a phone call, or email support in the early days.)

it goes something like this, in an email or FB messenger:

Hi Everyone, 
(general hi's and how are you's)

(Friend A), I'd love for you to meet (Friend B) who has recently moved from (country) to your part of the world. We met at (insert) and have really enjoyed our time together. (Friend B) meet (Friend A), we met (insert where you met and how long ago) and I'm hoping you'll be a source of support and information for her. 


I've been able to hook up friends in KL, Singapore and UK! The UK friends are living literally within walking distance to each other (small world, right?)

Alternatively, I was contacted by a friend from Dublin who has a friend moving to London who reached out to me. Sadly, I don't live in London and can't help her, but I did put her in touch with a few groups I know of and was able to answer a few questions.

I love how open to the possibility of a new friend, introduced by another people are.

Some people think it's hard to make friends as we grow older and maybe it is if you stay put. You've got your circle of friends and your social life is fulfilling. People don't come and go ... they stay close. But in expat life, you DO have to make friends as you grow older, as some people don't tend to stay around for long, or you're the one who has a time limit on your being around.

My days are made so much better for the diverse friendships I have. Every day can be different simply because of who I'm sharing it with and I love that!

I love that I have a friendship group that will accept an email, asking them to look out for a friend, and that a global riendship network is well supported.

Seeing photo's of friends together makes my heart soar, and sometimes I shed a tear as I yearn to be there with them, sharing the moment.

Daily doses of friendship come in many forms - a Skype chat, an email, a quick Facebook messenger chat or a WhatsApp update as so many live overseas. There's also walks in park, coffee or lunch dates, shopping expeditions and day trips into London.

My life is sweet and overflows with drops of honey, how about yours?

What's your friendship network like?
What experiences have you had playing friendship matchmaker?
How do you go about making new friends?
Do you prefer to be the GREETER or MOVER/Newbie? Why?


To all the MOVERS, happy safe landings.

To all the GREETERS, remember you were a Mover once, be open and kind and generous with your time and support, you never know, there might just be a few new friend waiting to find you

With friendship
x

ms-havachat's blogging is back - HELLLOOOOOOOOO!

Hello Dear Friend,

Hope you are well! It's been ages since we chatted. How's things?


WOW, time flies right?

I would like to apologise for the long and unexplained absence these past few months. Nothings wrong. The words just didn't flow. ms-havacaht on Facebook has filled the void as it's been somehow easier to type out a '30 second sound bite' than write an essay.

Do you follow me on Facebook, or just here at the blog?

Why not do both? Love your company. Here's the link. Look forward to seeing you there.


So, what have you been up to these past couple of months (I know, MONTHS!) Our last chat was back in early April! But as we're friends, you know that we'll simply pick up where we left off and it'll be like yesterday when we sat and chatted.

Are you curious about what I've been doing that's stopped the flow of words from my head thru my fingers onto the laptop? Hope so, cos here it comes, in no apparent order:

• Nominated interim president of the expat women's club
• Steep and fast learning curve about the club, the policies and procedures in order to run board meetings, host general meetings, prepare for AGM, answer questions, and be available to 14 board members.
• Honoured to be voted in as President for the new year, and the learning curve got even steeper if that's possible. 
• Been on a few lovely guided walks in London boroughs (not called suburbs), enjoyed a couple of delicious lunches. 
• Tween has had a few tween issues with friends. Boy did that take a lot of hugs and chats. So proud of tween in how she's handled things. Hopefully it's all behind them now.
• Hubby's been away for business a lot! But we're ok with it. Monday - Friday are full, afternoons are busy and sometimes cheese on toast for dinner and a glass of wine, followed by binge watching TV is all a girl needs.
• Talking of bing watching
• Big Little Lies! WOW! Have you seen it? What did you think? If you haven't you absolutely must!
• Tween and I started to watch Gilmore Girls from the very beginning. At times Laurali and Rory and the parents are so frustrating, but it's great tween/mum time on a rainy afternoon.
• 13 Reasons Why. It's not really something you'd rush to watch, but it is worth watching. From a parents perspective is frightening! It's a great piece for opening conversations with mid-late teens. Social media, and how we treat people is so easily abused by younger generations. Some kids know exactly what they are doing while others innocently do what other's are doing; they don't think about consequences. MrsJ watched it and I was shocked (Based on nothing more than what i'd heard about it) She suggested I watch it - how relatable it was on so many levels, how easy it is for things to get out of hand, be misunderstood, for someone to be hurting and keep it quiet. 
• There's been Formula 1 racing with Hubby on weekends to watch.
• And the news! OMG. The news. As you know, I'm a news junkie but I find myself pulling away, not wanting to know anymore (you the same?)
• We've been in a sort of expat Limboland these past few months waiting on the announcement for the tender Hubby's involved with - we figured in our minds, if they lost, we'd be gone (along with others); if they won then there's a better chance of staying one more year pending re-negotiations of contract which expire in November. FUN and GAMES.
• That got me started thinking about 'the move' even tho there wasn't one confirmed.
• Started purging; researched boot sales (they don't do garage or yard sales in the UK, at least not here); 
• popped a few things online for sale (a few went, most didn't)
• Started making The List of Things To Do pre-move (for a move that is not happening)
• Took full advantage of lovely mornings and went for walks with friends. Did one on my own - same route, seemed to take f-o-r-e-v-e-r without company. Podcast kept dropping out as the wifi kept dropping.
• Read a few books.
• Started using our English Heritage membership on a Sunday and went for long drives to walk around grand mansions or fabulous ruins followed by a pub lunch. Highly recommend it. Gets everyone off their electronic devices!
• Invested time in researching online photo album sites to no avail. I love and miss mypublisher.com  more than I can bare - so much so, I'm years behind which is making the search even more frustrating. 
• Love my mornings at home with a cup of coffee, Skyping for hours with a friend. It can so easily reach lunchtime and all I've done is chat and sip. I highly recommend it! Makes friends feel not so far away - you'd be chatting and sipping in a cafe or at home anyways, so doing it online is (nearly) the same. We so often solve world problems and help each other too, as well as catch up with family life and 'stuff'.
• Bought a walking machine from a friend. It's in the garage. I use if when it's yucky weather and can't walk outside. I really bought it for Hubby so he can get 15 mins of movement in a day - he's walked on it once. Not sure I'll keep it much longer. 
• Have had lots of home-alone days which in the beginning were frustrating but I have to admit, I've grown to enjoy them. There's something naughty and indulgent about being home. When the house is clean, the washings done, ironings away etc it's very lovely to relax amongst it all. 
• There are times over the past few months when I've felt maybe the Monster from Winchester was returning, teasing me when it felt it could get a swipe in. I'm taking care of myself and feel confident I know the signs. 
• OH! I also finished on the school parents board. The person replacing me is going to be terrific! 

So all that's been stopping me blogging is me :) 

If I said 'writers block' would that sound more official, more acceptable? Maybe I should delete all of the above and simply say 'writers block'.

The next hurdle is 'this time of year' aka farewell season as friends get ready to leave for new adventures or repatriation. Maybe it's the annual routine. Maybe it's the fact we know what it's like to be the ones' leaving AND staying, and sometimes leaving is so much more fun as in it's exciting to be heading off on a new adventure vs one-more-year.

Staying means a long summer, kind-of; it means saying hello to a lot of newbies, getting to know them, making a couple of new friends, thinking you've a friend when you don't, missing hanging out with friends who have moved on and are settling in so communication isn't as frequent; waiting out the year til it's your turn to be the one leaving.

There's much to be said about living in the family home for 20+ years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While writing this I realise that maybe there's more to my writers block ......... 10 years an expat and you come to accept so much is repetitive while so much is unknown. Maybe I'm ready to just settle? Maybe I'm over moving and starting over. Maybe there's not much more to be said and if I just blog about personal stuff it's more like a diary and I'm sharing way too much and the reason for the blog in the first place is lost in self indulgence.

I could simply go back thru the archives and rehash, maybe update the 'pre summer' blog themes, cos really they don't change - people moving on, people arriving, making friends, sharing summer holiday ideas and tips, maybe even a few photos of what we get up to. The first day of school chats, orientation, suggestions on getting involved, making friends, girl-dating etc.

Groundhogs day for expats.

How's your summer shaping up?
What plans do you have?
If it's winter where you are, how are you coping?


Promise to chat with you here more often, and I hope you'll join us over on Facebook.

With friendship
x