Ms-havachat about Community - What A Start!

Expat's make friends very quickly.

It's like speed dating.

You met because your kids are in the same class at school, or you have mutual friends from a past adventure who introduce you via email or Facebook, or they are the wives of your husbands work colleagues, or you met at the International Women's Club or the gym, tennis club, running club, pottery class or art course.

You smile, make small talk.

"What! You too?" WOW. Small world, eh?

There's a list of  standard questions that can be a heard all over the globe on the first day of international school as returning parents meet new arrivals over Welcome Coffee Mornings.

• When did you arrive?
• Where are you from?
• How long are you here?
• Do you have Kids?
• How many?
• Age?
• Where are you living?
• Do you have a car?
• Will you be working?
• Who does hubby work for?
• What does he do?
• Does he have to travel?
• Oh, do you know .........?
• Where else have you lived?
• When were you there?
• Oh, do you know .......?
• Are you a member of (insert name of gym or Club)?

If you've played this game you know it's not merely a Q and A session but rather, a very important  conversation that allows each of you to quickly work out if you want to swap phone numbers. It's the beginning of girl dating. 

Thanks to girl dating I've been on a few coffee dates, accompanied MissM on a Friday afternoon play date and been to lunch. Nothing but nothing could have prepared me for last Tuesday.

Last Tuesday morning MrsD phoned and asked if I'd like to join her and MrsW (newbie) on a quick little look-see of her favourite shopping spots in the locale. We met at the school car park and went in one car.

We drove to Egham High Street and had a quick walk around, then to Staines Shopping Centre where we grabbed lunch from Marks and Spencers after a quick look-see at the main bits of the area.

Now, I have had a niggling pain in my hip for a few weeks (yeah yeah) and over the course of a few hours it got worse. My thigh was so painful I could hardly walk. MrsW confessed that she thought I had a limp but didn't recall me limping when we first met a few days before. When MrsD asked me if I was ok, MrsW realised I didn't have a limp but was in pain. By the time I had to collect MissM, I was finding it very difficult to walk and the pain was apparent to others as several mums said 'are you ok'

MrsD saw me and told me to sit down; she grabbed MrsB and asked her if MissM could go home with her as she was taking me to A&E. I drove home. MissM was delighted to have an impromptu palliate and sad I wasn't well and MrsD went home, organised her 3 kids and met me at the hotel.

Three hours later, waiting in A&E, and much bonding was done. I'm sure I talked more than her as the pain was pretty bad. She phoned MrsB and explained we would be hours and could MissM sleep over; she then phoned another mum (I only know her first name) and asked her to collect MissM from school the following day so I could 'rest'.

MrsD and I laughed so hard when she had to help me get undressed and gown up for X-rays. We've met twice in a large group for coffee and now this! The man in the next bed commented on how lovely it was to hear such genuine laughter - we heard thru the curtain he had leukaemia and was worried about a burn he got over the weekend being infected. That stopped us laughing quick smart.

MrsD pushed me in the wheel chair to and from X-ray and out to the car .... if we're not BF's after this I don't know what we are.

After a series of X-rays, and a few push-pull tests there's nothing wrong other than strained muscles (no idea how/when I did that). They gave me super duper pain killers and anti-inflamatory tablets.

On Wednesday afternoon, MrsD met MissM at reception and introduced her to the 'mum' who brought her home; she then kindly offered to collect MissM Thursday and bring her home so I could have two full restful days.

MissM was so kind - asking me if I was ok. I was more concerned about her as I had disappeared and she had spent a night with a family we didn't know and was brought home by someone unfamiliar to her. She took it in her stride and said muma, they are school mums. I was fine. HOW ARE YOU?

WHAT A START!

I'm usually the one offering to help and organise so being on the receiving end from women I have literally only just met was truly incredible.

MrsD has done a few expat stints and kept saying 'its' what we do, we can't rely on the husbands so we have to rely on each other'. Talk about girl power!

Her husband travels more than he is home; MrsW husband is still in their previous home finishing his contract; the other lovely mums husband also travels 'a lot' for work; another mum I met is pretty much a full time single mum as her hubby is based in the UAE and she and the kids are here - they all support each other when ever the needs arises. There's no thank you cards or flowers sent - it's just a given that you do what you can do when you can do it.

Thank goodness G doesn't travel. Though if he did, I know I'm in a great community and would be just fine.

With friendship
x

ms-havachat on the arriving phase - JUST BREATHE! Oh, Bite me.

Google even had this little gem waiting for me today.

Just breathe.

Be patient.

Things take time.

Don't rush.

It'll all work out.

As expats, how many of you have heard these pearls of wisdom?

When you are in the arriving phase, (we're not even up to the settling in phase), all you want to do is have things move quickly and smoothly so that your family, especially the kids can 'settle' and 'feel at home' so that life can adopt a normality again.

While hubby is at work, and the kids are at school, you are running around trying to make new friends, find a hairdresser, unpack boxes, work out how to do an online grocery shop, drive on the 'wrong' side of the road, remember how to work the sat nav, collect kids from school, prepare dinner (or order take away) and collapse into bed ready to face another day. 

Just breathe.

Be patient.

Things take time.

Don't rush.

It'll all work out.

Yeah yeah. BITE ME!

Sorry, heard it all before. In fact, I've probably even said it and meant every word. But when you're the one having to be patient, forget it. Things do take time to sort themselves out - sometimes longer than others, but that's OK. Each Adventure is unique. Yeah Yeah. BITE ME!

I've been sitting in the posh lounge area at our second temporary home since arriving in the UK last Thursday most of the morning. There's genteel music being piped thru the BOSE sound system, the rain is bucketing down and I just noticed the trees are starting to change colour. I'm breathing in and out knowing full well the  next few weeks will be crazy busy, with lots of ups'n'downs, so for now I'm being patient. 

The morning has been filled with taking MissM to school; a lovely long chat with MsA  (We used the whatsapp phone and it was really good), read a few news articles online, commented on a few things friends posted on FB, checked out my favourite bloggers and what-do-ya-know, it's lunchtime!

Haven't moved a muscle! The waitress asked me if I'd like to see the lunch menu .... yes please. Lunch just arrived. A delicious smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel with salad, and a latte. Not even sure I need to find anywhere else for lunch for the next few days, as the atmosphere here is delightful! 

The Art of Doing Nothing. 

G left for Sydney last night. 

MissM coped really well. I was the mess. 

Two nights ago I had a panic attack. I've never had one before. I don't ever want to have one again.  Have you had a panic attack or been with someone who has. They are awful!

It started around midnight. I woke with a fright from a dream - no money; no house; a car registered in another country; our belongings in storage in another country; I felt abandoned and so very alone. I think I paid too much attention to a podcast of Two Fat Expats a while ago about expats who divorce and the ensuing drama's ... not that G and I are divorcing. Far from it. This move has been fraught from the get-go with issues beyond our control. I'm still not quite in the right frame of mind to chat  about what's been going on, and continues to go on but I will. 

It'll all be fine. 

Just breathe.

Be patient.

Things take time.

Don't rush.

It'll all work out.

So for the rest of the day, til school pick up, I'll be online, checking out Facebook updates, reading the news online, listening to the music and hoping the rain stops, if not subsides in time for pick up. Oh no, a spark of lightening and a huge clap of thunder. A real storm. Haven't had one of those for years. 

After pick up, we'll come back to the hotel, chill out in the room before going to the dining room for dinner. Then we'll go back to the room, have showers and go to bed. I'll try to download a TV show to listen to on the laptop with headphone so MissM can sleep next to me (my kindle got packed up, totally my mistake). Hopefully G will ring before MissM falls asleep.

Wonder what tomorrow holds? 

The Art of Doing Nothing. 

Trust me, I'd much rather be in our house, overwhelmed by unpacking boxes and making the house our home for the next few years than doing nothing, tho I've mastered doing nothing just as well as being busy. 

A potential new friend who I met at school yesterday said she feels she should be doing more to settle in. I said why ... there's time. She hasn't even found a house yet, let alone anything else. Her husband left for where they were living to finish out his contract, so she's single-parenting in a strange country (not unlike me at the moment, tho we've lived here before and have friends scattered around the place)

Many expats rush to fit in, get settled, sort things out, have everything the same as before, when it's not.

She asked me how we were going in terms of settling in .... I don't know her well enough to dump on her so I simply said, it's fine. We've a few issues to resolve but it'll all happen. She said she has no idea how we move so often and still smile and asked me for any tips. 

So, here's a few tips for her and those of you who have just arrived,

- Breathe.

- You're not alone. 

- Make lists of things that you need to do, or your husband needs to do, or the kids or your employer: and stick to them.

- Prioritise each thing to be done. 

- Set yourself only one or two things to accomplish each day (more than that is stressful and can be demotivating IF you don't get them done)

- Celebrate every single small success (especially if you are living where you don't speak the language or don't understand the culture)

- Make time to be flexible when people invite you for coffee or a walk, or to take you somewhere. Cultivating new friendships is a priority, regardless of what's on the list.
- If you can't access a mobile phone right away, make sure you have a pen'n'paper handy to write down phone numbers and at least be able to text or whatsapp or viber or FaceTime ..... there are so many apps that work on WiFi.
- Have a reliable sat nav to help you get around.
- Sign up to the Parents Ass. at school or your place of worship so that you 'belong' somewhere and have something to do and somewhere to go.
- Seek out and join the local International Women's Club (or similar)
- Breathe.
- Be Patient.

Tomorrow I'll phone a few people I've been introduced to via email and tee up a coffee; we're off to friends for lunch on Bank Holiday Monday, which only leaves Saturday and Sunday to fill in but I have a few ideas. 

The Art of Doing Nothing.

Just breathing.

With friendship

x

ms-havachat's On The Move - Again.

Thanks Google Images :)

How I wish we could just move like the picture I found on google represents.

Just pick up the house and move it, with all your stuff to a new location and start over.

Except as expats we can't. We purge, pack, transport/ship, unpack, settle. And that's just the contents of the house.

We only unpacked 2 years ago. I can not believe how fast that time has gone.

Here we are again, much to our surprise preparing for another international move in less than a month.

There I've said it.

We are moving.

Expat life is full of ups'n'downs, comings and goings, packing and unpacking, saying hello and saying goodbye, joining in and opting out. As one or two friends like to remind me 'it's your choice' and 'you could always come back' what they don't seem to understand is we move with the job, we don't move by choice (tho we do have some say over the destination). If there was work back home, we'd consider it for sure, like we do every other opportunity that comes G's way.

An expat friend said to me 'expat life can be so inconvenient sometimes' and she's right.

The timing of this move is the problem. We are all so happy and settled here and the move has happened so quickly we've not had time to get used to the idea. We knew we weren't here for ever, but one more year would have been lovely.

While some aspects of expat life are easy to get used to, others are not. It's healthy to be sad about leaving one place yet excited about arriving in another. In Third Culture Kids The Experience of Growing up Among Worlds by David C Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken, we learnt from others that there are various phases we go thru like grieving, disbelief, anger, excitement, acceptance etc when moving often.

In chapter 13, Dealing with Transition, they talk about building a RAFT when moving ...

• Reconciliation
• Affirmation
• Farewells
• Think Destination

We're up to the Farewells and Think Destination bit while friends are just finding out, they are back at Reconciliation and being upset bit.

It's a complicated lifestyle. Many of our friends have said they have no idea how we do it, and you know, if I was to analyse it, I'd probably agree with them.

This is our 5th move in nearly 10 years and we feel confident and competent that we do 'it' well and we keep focused and engaged right up to the minute we leave for the airport. Some people disengage as soon as they know they are leaving and that's sad but it's a coping mechanism.

The opportunity came out of the blue and we are still in a kind of fog even tho we have started the leaving/arriving process. Here's a quick list to give you an idea of what's involved if you are contemplating an international or interstate move, or wondered what on earth expats go on about!

We aren't doing all of these as we're only going across to the UK from Ireland. But 3 of our moves were huge and required lots of planning. Wish I'd had a list like this for our first move!

• Cancel/resign:
• Utilities
• Household insurance
• medical insurance
• Car insurance
• Any type of regular home help
• Gardener
• cleaner
• window washers
• School
• Gym
• Any extra curricular activities
• Mobile phone contracts
• Cable TV
• Unsubscribe from local websites
• Unfollow local Facebook pages
• Sign up to 'new' local websites
• Find 'new' local Facebook pages
• Research new schools
• apply to new schools
• visit new schools (if you can)
• Sell/rent out your home
• We haven't had to do this, so I've no experience to offer, but it's something to be aware of and make lots of enquiries so you make the right decision
• Follow real estate alerts in order to find a new home
• Prior to packers coming in, purge (recycle, give to friends, donate to charity, sell or tip) and while you're at it, clean:
• Kitchen cupboards
• Laundry/utility room
• Wardrobes
• Attic
• Garage
• Garden shed
• Book cases
• Toy cupboards
• Source quotes for final clean of house, including. These might need to be sourced from specialists, so make sure you have the time to get the quotes and then plan a sensible time line for things to happen (carpet cleaning is usually the very last thing to be done)
• carpets
• windows (inside and out)
• Check diary for any plans you've made from 'now' on and amend them accordingly.
• eg: I have theatre tickets for October and a friend had to sell her 3 One Direction tickets.
• The car/s
• Sell vs take with you
• In the last month or so before you leave, slow down the grocery shopping to avoid throwing out too much
• Eat everything in the freeze even if the meals don't make sense
• Shop daily or every other day for what you 'need' to keep a minimal inventory
• As we're not going far, our stuff isn't in transit for long so we can take laundry and pantry stuff with us, just have to make sure it's all sealed and secure for packing.
• When we were leaving for /leaving from Japan we had a shopping party where friends came with their shopping bags and took all our left over food, grocery items, laundry items and alcohol as we couldn't take them.
• Or have a party!
• Depending on how far your going, you might be with out your stuff for a few days or several months. Therefore, you need to plan what you'll need in terms of:
• Clothes
• Shoes
• Jewellery (always take this with you and NOT in transport)
• Games/books for the kid/s (depending on their age and how long you're without your stuff for)
• Medicines (again, depending on their age and how long you're without your stuff for)
• Depending on how long your shipment takes, you might want to think about packing a case (or posting a box to work address) with basic crockery, cutlery, towels etc otherwise you'll end up buying them when you arrive and end up with more than you need.
• Don't laugh but you'll need to find new homes for indoor plants, fish, hamsters/guinea pigs/mice etc
• If you've a cat or dog and are taking it with you check with the vet the minute you know you might be going so you can be aware of all the requirements of your new country in terms of vaccinations and quarantine.
• And talking of vaccinations, what about you and the family?????????????????
• Ask your hairdresser to write down the codes of the colour they use for your hair.
• Request summary reports from:
• GP
• Chiropractor
• Optometrist
• Orthodontist
• and any other medical practitioner you or your family members have been seeing.
• If you take regular medicine, make sure it's available where you are going, otherwise research what you can take instead or how you go about 'importing' what you need.
• When we moved to Japan, I invested in bras and undies as I wasn't sure if the stores would stock my size (and they didn't). G was OK but not easily bought for either, so we shopped annually on holidays and usually out of season. MissM was fine, tho Japanese kids fashion isn't always cool on a western kid. 
• If you are moving to a country where your mother tongue isn't spoken, think about books for the kids, games, magazine subscriptions etc to keep the families mother tongue strong. 
• This also goes for:
• hair products
• skin care products
• off-the-shelf medicines

Have I forgotten anything? Please let me know as it'll be helpful to others.

So, all I really wanted to say was, we're moving .................

With friendship

x

A New School Year Is About To Begin

WOW! May 30 seems like only a few weeks ago. Back then, we had 3 months of summer holidays ahead of us and now, we've only a 7 sleeps left til the new school year starts.

How did you fare these summer holidays?

You ready to 'go back to school'?


MissM is ready to go back. She misses her friends and teachers and freely admits to 'enjoying school' which is what every parent loves to hear. A teacher-friend once told me, a child who enjoys school is half way 'there'!

I am ready for her to go back too in some ways, but not others. I'm happy for her to be back with friends, and enjoying school; happy to have 'my' time back to do the things I want to do, but not looking forward to early starts, trying to create healthy school lunches every day and worst of all, the thought of homework already has a stress ache in my neck and shoulders.

Deep breathes.

This year will be different.

It HAS to be. We're both a year older, wiser, settled.

Even tho she's only just turned 10, this is MissM's 5th education system starting with Montessori in Dublin, Reggio Emilia and PYP (Primary Years Program) in Yokohama (with two unplanned stints in school in Sydney), followed by an independent school in Winchester, and now the Irish system.

G went to two schools, as did I. We started and finished elementary/junior school on the same campus then we went to High School (middle/senior college).

Our two schools (to the age of 18) vs MissM's FIVE schools - and she's only 10, not even half way thru her education!

While it's no excuse, it's a damn good reason she is sometimes confused, frustrated, unsure of the academic side of school - when it comes to ballet, singing, piano, drama there's no problems as each one evolves based on her ability/RAD assessment/LAMDA exams etc.

You'd think school reports would be helpful too. Right? WRONG! They are merely a guide from one school to another, if they even bother to read them.

Now we are ALL experienced in many schools from curriculum, to philosophies on education, to welcoming new families, community spirit, offering guidance and support to students, we've come to believe that school should be about exploration, creativity, lateral thinking, problem solving, fun, nurturing, friendships, not just working towards a test or exam to show the teachers you've learnt what they taught. Have you watched any of Sir Ken Robinsons TEDtalks on education? If not, you must!

You'd think moving from one to another would be fairly easy, especially for a child in elementary (aka primary) school. Right? WRONG.

Maths is maths - not really. There are several ways to do long division, or long addition and once you know one way, and someone comes along and says we do it THIS way, without having the maturity to know there's more than one way to do somethings, it's very frustrating for everyone.

Even spelling has it's pitfalls - one system teaches phonetics only while another is learnt by lists of words each week to drill. Both reckon they are the best way to teach a child to spell and maybe they are.

And handwriting! OMG. Some systems focus on printing and encouraging the children to earn their 'pen certificate' while others go straight to cursive or others are on MacBooks.

Some give no homework; others give weekly projects on a Monday due on Thursday while others give 40-60 minutes per night. There might be weekly tests (maths, spelling are the hot ones), or pop quizzes; or more formal 'end of term papers' to be completed in record time.

Text books and work books vs working online with MacBooks.

You'd think these issues would confront in middle (high school) but not if you're an expat kid.

Several people here are home schooling their kids for various reasons. You can only imagine my admiration for them! It would take a very special parent/child relationship to do this and keep the parent/ child relationship going.

MissM's teacher last year said he loved having her in his class. He was surprised at the things she knew and her attitudes for a (then) 9 year old, but at the same time he was surprised at what she didn't know and should for her age. She was ahead of her peers in some things, and behind in others. Fortunately they had to resources to help her with these gaps.

That kinda sums up MissM very well indeed.

We've just got the class lists for this school year and we're all very excited with her teacher.  She tutored MissM last year so knows her well. MissM is very happy to have her too!

Let's hope a second, happy year at the same school will help MissM consolidate everything she's experienced these past few years, and that I learn to settle down too.

With friendship
x

MissM Works Out How to Tell Friends She's Moving

How many times have you moved your family? Did you live at the same address until you moved out to Uni or college? Have you lived in the family home for years, and are thinking about downsizing cos the kids are moving on with their lives, or are they still at home saving to be able to move out?

G and I have been together nearly 13 years, and we’ve shared 8 addresses, plus 3 short-term addresses in between expat moves.

MissM is nearly 9 and she’s had 6 of those addresses with goodness knows how many more to come before she makes her own way in the world.

When we left Sydney for Ireland in 2007, it was for a signed 2-year contract. We had no idea what would happen after that. Gosh, we’ve still half a house of furniture in storage!

Guess a lot of expats are in the same situation – you just keep moving at the conclusion of each contract until you decide you want to ‘go home’ – job pending. Some people know they are only going to expat until their eldest child starts high school then the family repatriate. Others just keep roaming. Some return home to look after elderly parents while others make a new permanent home in a city they have enjoyed living.

The thing that complicates moves are the kids. Their friendships, hormones and loves will always come before a required move. High school aged kids need continuity of friends and subjects to get them thru the key exam years. Having one child should make this relatively easy, and I admire friends with 2+ kids who have to juggle multiple educational environments. And for those with kids with special needs - well, that is a whole chat of its own!

Moving from Ireland to Japan was relatively easy as MissM was only four and a half. Moving from Japan to the UK was also easy (well, easy enough). We’d had a few friends leave before us, and MissM knew that Skyping and emails were a brilliant way to keep in touch, and that despite not being able to hug someone, you could certainly share news and remain friends. If you were really fortunate, visits during school holidays can happen!

The concept of a long distance friendship at 7 and 8years of age is a rather mature one to understand. Usually kids of this age are still into the here and now, outta-sight-outta-mind mentality. However, expat kids learn and accept this as the norm. You make the absolute most of the time you have with friends while you can.

One often wonders what it was like living this life without Skype, Emails and Facebook! Very difficult for sure, yet people survived. Not sure I could have.

G told MissM on Saturday that we had decided to move to Dublin because K needed him there every week, it made more sense to move all of us permanently than for him to travel Monday – Friday and only be home with us on weekends.

(Luckily) she agreed.

They came to the patio where I was sitting, looking like they were sharing the worlds best secret, and MissM smiled and said 'it's ok, I know we're moving to Dublin and it'll be fine. We've lots of friends there', and that was that.

Do you have any questions? Yes. 

·      Can I have a dog in our new house? No.

·      Can we please find a smaller house? We'll see what's on the market.

·      Will I go back to Kidzbiz? No, Kidzbiz was your Montessori and you're in school now but we could always visit.

·      What school will I go to?Not sure yet, there's two to choose from. You’ll come with us to see the schools and meet the teachers and we’ll make the decision together.

·      Who knows we are moving? (I mentioned a few people)

·      How did you tell them? (I shared with her how)

·      That's all. Moving to Dublin will be fun but I wish it were Sydney. (Now I wasn’t expecting that comment)

And off she went to look for her grandparents to continue playing.

An hour or so later, she comes to me and asks 'how will I tell my friends? They all think I'm leaving in year 5, and we haven't even started year 4. They might be upset, or angry with me'.  She started to stress, not about leaving, but how her friends will react.

At this point I thought 'thank goodness I re read Third Culture Kids' by David C Pollack and Ruth E Van Reken only recently so I knew the right response. Also, with 3 Adventures behind us, I'm feeling confident that we know what we're doing when it comes to relocating.

Chapter 13 of TCK says 'there are five stages in any transition experience: involvement, leaving, transition, entering and reinvolvement" The rest of the chapter deals with things like:

There's grief in leaving a place, or being left behind. So accept it, allow it to happen, understand it, and let go.

Leaving a place well, helps to arrive somewhere else properly. No one needs negative emotional baggage at the best of times, so take care in HOW you leave.

Build a RAFT - Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewells, Think Destination.

There are 4 key areas which we need to farewell; People, Places, Pets and Possessions.

Acknowledge the grief and feeling of loss when moving on.

The light at the end of the tunnel is reinvolvement; new friends, new community, new memories.

In all transitions, we gain as well as lose. It’s the ying/yang life thing all over again. Accepting that there is the good and not so good everywhere helps one keep balanced. Nowhere is perfect, but some places are better than others.

Keeping all this and more in mind, I suggested to MissM that she might like to do what I've done, which is to tell close friends, in person. Remind them how important they are to you and make sure they know you will do everything you can to ensure the friendship grows, despite not being around the corner. Accept their response as they give it – they might be sad, or nonchalant about it. Give them time to process what you’ve said.

She asked, ‘Just like with MissN and MrM left Japan and I had to work out what to do without them?’

Yes, just like that. Any my heart cracked a little bit more. 

She beamed agreement, then panic again. It was Sunday night, and school started the next day (yesterday), she didn't have much time to get to them.

We popped around to the twin’s house at 6.30pm and MissM took them into their lounge room and closed the door. When the three of them emerged, they were holding hands and looking sheepish.  MissM reminded them of all the weeks left to hang out together, and that when we’ve gone, they can Skype often, email regularly and swap postcards. She told them that Dublin was only an hour or so by plane, and that friends had even come to visit with their car on the ferry so spending holidays together would be easy.

'Yes, but will you still come to our birthday party in September?" they asked.

Sorry, no cos we’ll be settling into our new home and school, but we can celebrate before we leave!

Hugs all round.

Friendship in tact.

MissH got home around 8pm on Sunday, too late to pop over; the earliest MissM is going to get to tell her is Wednesday afternoon, before ballet. MissM is determined that her BF's need to be told by her, in person so she can help the understand cos 'we're not in an expat place, are we mama? People here won't understand like they did at YIS'

(As I hadn’t finished this chat, MissM told MissH and MissE quietly at recess, and then her whole class, as she couldn’t hold the secret any longer. She hoped that was OK with us)

When did our little girl become so wise?

Has she heard us talking at night, and is she merely repeating what she’s heard, or does she really get what we are and the life we lead? I’ve realized living here that being an expat is different, didn’t stop and think for a minute that MissM knew too. Mind you, she’s handled it so much better than me!

We left Sydney for Ireland Adventure No1 when she was two and half; Yokohama was 3 years of her short life, the UK a mere 20 months ....... SHE IS A TCK, or maybe the newer term being used, Cross Cultural Kids (CCK)

Her friendships, like ours are made quickly and firmly. They last in terms of being able to hang out in person between 2-5 years (at this rate, 3 years has been our longest home), and we all work hard at keeping in touch despite the distances between us.

If she continues to be mindful of her friend’s feelings the way she is demonstrating now, she'll be a damn fine friend to have. 

G and I are so proud of MissM. She has taken the news well, and has shown great care towards her friends in telling them.

I pray that the next few weeks will be as easy, but somehow I know they won’t be.

With friendship

x