Sunday, 2 June 2013
Growing up in your parents eyes
We all know if you nurture a plant, give it water and sunshine it grows into a taller, healthy plant. Some people think if you play your plants gentle music, and talk to them they will grow even taller and be happier and healthier.
If you ignore a plant, and simply let whatever rain falls water it, and what ever sunshine happens to touch it's leaves do so, that there's a chance it will grow but not as fast or happily as the one nurtured.
The same is said for children.
As a parent, we know we need to give our kids more than just love and cuddles tho that's a great place to start. We need to feed and educate them, to be role models of right and wrong, of ethical behaviour, about etiquette and how to behave in all manner of social situations, how to handle peer pressure, when to say NO, and when to say yes.
We want them to be able to be independent adults, to know how to make educated decisions about lifestyle choices, to be self sufficient, to love themselves and be loved, to know when and how to walk away from a bad situation with your held high.
To know when to say sorry, and how to accept an apology.
There's so much a parent is responsible for when raising a child.
However, at some point in time the parents job is done - the child is an adult and their personality and character is set. This milestone happens in different families at various times but one would agree that usually by the time our children are 18 years of age, give or take, that they are an adult and while they might ask us for help, guidance, advice they will ultimately do their own thing.
We all want to be friends with our kids - and when they want to be your friend, it's a tribute to how you've handled the endless hours of conversations, been there to listen to them, giggled with them and cried with/for them.
My FIL is a pain the bum.
He has not accepted that G is a man, half of a household, a father, a senior manager in a global organization, responsible for millions of dollars of projects ....... he's moved us to 3, soon to be 4 countries successfully and managed us thru an earthquake.
I find it embarrassing and humiliating listening to the endless dumb-ass questions.
Have you put air in your tyres?
Have you read the lease to know what you have to do when letting them know you are leaving?
Don't forget to let school know you are moving.
How will you manage the banking when you move?
Do you need someone expert to read over your contract to make sure it's ok?
Don't forget there's an election in Australia - will you need to put in an absentee vote?
Do you need to loo before we leave the house?
MIL and FIL have been out today, and it was nice to just be the 3 of us. From the minute they've come back, FIL hasn't stopped talking despite MissM and G being engrossed in a movie and I'm on the laptop sorting thru pics of Barcelona.
I wonder if FIL has an issue with peace and quiet?
He reckons MissM talks a lot! That's hilarious!
I can't think of any more but each one makes me want to scream OMG leave him alone!
He's a grown man!
He's not a child!
G just ignores his father.
He doesn't pull faces, or engage in conversation which might be why FIL asks so many questions. Maybe it's his way of drawing out a conversation with his son.
It's the same when we skype.
I'm listening to the questions, watching G ignore FIL or provide very short answers which borders on being rude, and wonder which came first?
As a parent, we are partly responsible for the way in which our kids turn out, so why does FIL do what he does?
G is a good man, a wonderful husband and father, a loyal friend, (tho he is very selective on who he lets into his inner circle), a solid and reliable employee, he's not perfect by any stretch but I would think one would be proud to be his parent.
I wonder if FIL is proud, but doesn't know how to show it or if he can see how independent and successful G is without him, and his questions are his way of being connected, being involved.
My mum was the same when she was here, so maybe it's not them but us.
Maybe we've been away too long now to know how to communicate and include our parents in things. We have to make decisions together, without outside influence so maybe their questions are normal and something we need to get used to.
I'm not sure.
All I know right now, is that I really wish for FIL to see G as the man he is, and not the child he was.