MILL & FIL - Final Instalement: 'Til Next Visit

My late Aunt used to say guests were like fish - they went off after 2-3 days.

MrsA has a BF with her at the moment visiting for 10 days, and after 4 nights, she's wanting her space back.

When Mum visits (for months at a time) people comment to G what a great son-in-law he must be to which he answers, 'I'm at work, it's ms-havachat and MissM who have to put up with her' (he says it with a smile and love). Mind you, she would stay for the weekend regularly when we lived a mere 40 minutes away.

MrsB has a 7 night maximum on all guests. I've heard her explain to people over the phone, she's classic!

Several friends in various parts of the world deliberately don't have a guests bedroom so can't have anyone stay but are happy to organize a local hotel or B&B and have the visitors eat lunch/dinner and hang out - but not sleep over.

There are definitely 'better' guests than others.

We've chatted before about Guests. Some guests you are very happy to see leave while others become part of the family while they are with you and are a pleasure to have around. Some help, others like to be waited on because they are holidays or they don't feel comfortable 'mucking in'; the list of the ying/yang of being a house guest is a long one.

MIL and FIL's visit was surprisingly good. Their trips away were spread out well, a few days here, a week away with MissM, a few days here then a three and a half week river cruise in Europe, a week or so here, then 10 days driving around Cornwell, a few days here then a week in Majorca .... then Bath and home to Sydney. Easy to fill 3 months!

Being here for Grandparents Day at school was a highlight for MissM.

Spending a whole week together, just the 3 of them on The Isle of Wight was a huge success, and we certainly enjoyed Barcelona - just the 2 of us.

Barcelona!

MIL and MissM have developed a very special relationship

Pa fixed things

The family holiday in Majorca was fun - the 5 of us swam, laughed, talked, rested, read, played and swam, laughed, talked, rested, read and played some more.

Protur Hotel, Safari Park, Sa Coma

But like all visits, they must end, and sometimes too quickly and when we're not quite ready.

MissM was sad but realistic knowing they had to go back to Sydney and we had to get ready to move to Dublin. A big hug, a kiss and off she ran to watch TV.

MIL held it together very well, tho the tears weren't far behind the door closing.

FIL was fine, ready to go home to his bed and his routine.

G's in Dublin so didn't really have an opinion.

I'm grateful to have my house, and daughter back!

As we say to all our guests, regardless of how long they stay with us 'til next visit, take care, see you on Skype.

As an expat you HAVE to be resilient to visitors - everyone has to go home at some point. We're not unfeeling, gosh, we miss people terribly at times, but we know it's a wasted emotion, especially when you can't do anything about it. So we focus on the good times, the fun memories, make sure we take lots of photos and look forward to the next visit,

We've all become very good at HELLO's and GOODBYE's, but some are harder than others,


With friendship,

Growing up in your parents eyes

We all know if you nurture a plant, give it water and sunshine it grows into a taller, healthy plant. Some people think if you play your plants gentle music, and talk to them they will grow even taller and be happier and healthier.

If you ignore a plant, and simply let whatever rain falls water it, and what ever sunshine happens to touch it's leaves do so, that there's a chance it will grow but not as fast or happily as the one nurtured.

The same is said for children.

As a parent, we know we need to give our kids more than just love and cuddles tho that's a great place to start. We need to feed and educate them, to be role models of right and wrong, of ethical behaviour, about etiquette and how to behave in all manner of social situations, how to handle peer pressure, when to say NO, and when to say yes.

We want them to be able to be independent adults, to know how to make educated decisions about lifestyle choices, to be self sufficient, to love themselves and be loved, to know when and how to walk away from a bad situation with your held high.

To know when to say sorry, and how to accept an apology.

There's so much a parent is responsible for when raising a child.

However, at some point in time the parents job is done - the child is an adult and their personality and character is set. This milestone happens in different families at various times but one would agree that usually by the time our children are 18 years of age, give or take, that they are an adult and while they might ask us for help, guidance, advice they will ultimately do their own thing.

We all want to be friends with our kids - and when they want to be your friend, it's a tribute to how you've handled the endless hours of conversations, been there to listen to them, giggled with them and cried with/for them.

My FIL is a pain the bum.

He has not accepted that G is a man, half of a household, a father, a senior manager in a global organization, responsible for millions of dollars of projects ....... he's moved us to 3, soon to be 4 countries successfully and managed us thru an earthquake.

I find it embarrassing and humiliating listening to the endless dumb-ass questions.

Have you put air in your tyres?
Have you read the lease to know what you have to do when letting them know you are leaving?
Don't forget to let school know you are moving.
How will you manage the banking when you move?
Do you need someone expert to read over your contract to make sure it's ok?
Don't forget there's an election in Australia - will you need to put in an absentee vote?
Do you need to loo before we leave the house?

MIL and FIL have been out today, and it was nice to just be the 3 of us. From the minute they've come back, FIL hasn't stopped talking despite MissM and G being engrossed in a movie and I'm on the laptop sorting thru pics of Barcelona.

I wonder if FIL has an issue with peace and quiet?

He reckons MissM talks a lot! That's hilarious!

I can't think of any more but each one makes me want to scream OMG leave him alone!

He's a grown man!
He's not a child!

G just ignores his father.

He doesn't pull faces, or engage in conversation which might be why FIL asks so many questions. Maybe it's his way of drawing out a conversation with his son.

It's the same when we skype.

I'm listening to the questions, watching G ignore FIL or provide very short answers which borders on being rude, and wonder which came first?

As a parent, we are partly responsible for the way in which our kids turn out, so why does FIL do what he does?

G is a good man, a wonderful husband and father, a loyal friend, (tho he is very selective on who he lets into his inner circle), a solid and reliable employee, he's not perfect by any stretch but I would think one would be proud to be his parent.

I wonder if FIL is proud, but doesn't know how to show it or if he can see how independent and successful G is without him, and his questions are his way of being connected, being involved.

My mum was the same when she was here, so maybe it's not them but us.

Maybe we've been away too long now to know how to communicate and include our parents in things. We have to make decisions together, without outside influence so maybe their questions are normal and something we need to get used to.

I'm not sure.

All I know right now, is that I really wish for FIL to see G as the man he is, and not the child he was.

With friendship
x

MIL & FIL part 2

In keeping up with two themes - (1) MIL and FIL's visit, and (2) sightseeing, part 2 of MIL and FIL's visit is all about Salisbury Cathedral.

First, lunch at Wagamama. If you've never been to a Wagamama you must! Great fresh Asian inspired food.

Another Cathedral, full of wonderful history and incredible architecture.

The sky was that blue today too!

The current Cathedral is the 3rd (previous two were built at Sarum) and last one built in Salisbury, and has a few unique features according to our guide.

• there is no partition between the nave and the choir
• it was built as we see it today (there has been no alterations to architectural style, or additions made)
• it took 38 years consecutive years to build (as compared to other cathedrals when building stopped and started due to wars, politics, or money)

My favourite part is the Cloisters - they are so pretty and peaceful. Photographers would have a wonderful time here as there are so many varied angles and the way the light moves between the arches is quite magical. These aren't our photos (our camera's being charged, sorry)

While we were in the choral area of the Cathedral a lovely guide spotted Mia and asked her if she'd seen the Monkey and with that we were taken on a private tour of several hidden spots within the Cathedral. It was delightful! MissM kept asking questions, and our new private guide chatted away.

We learned the Cathedral is built on only 4 metres of foundation, ontop of 27 metres of gravel which needs to be kept wet to keep it stable. The guide asked if we'd seen the dipping stick ...... MissM said no, so off we went.

That's MIL in the red top watching

THIS much water is there at the moment

Whenever we're in a Cathedral I can't help but think back to Ken Follet's Pillars of the Earth. What a novel! Nowhere is the book more alive than at Salisbury Cathedral. How clever were those builders, centuries ago with no computers, no CAD programs to create such incredible structures that last! Think about the buildings of today, which ones do you think will, or indeed should, last centuries to show people how we lived? 

If you've not read the book, please do, especially if you love Cathedrals and grand buildings. The movie was very good, but it missed so many intricate story lines. Read the book, then see the move. 

The other reason Salisbury Cathedral is a MUST VISIT is to see the Magna Carta. It's the most surreal feeling looking at something like this - to think it was written in 1215, in Latin and is the basis of all manner of Constitutions and Civil Rights documents the world over. There are 4 originals, one of which is housed here. 

I was so inspired this visit that I bought a book on the Magna Carta - figure MissM might have to do a project on it at some stage.

MissM's been loving having MIL and FIL here. G and I have become obsolete in many ways. They put her to bed, read with her, play with her, she's even eating FRUIT for breakfast cos that's their choice to start the day.

During the week, they attended a Grandparents and Friends afternoon tea at MissM's school. Afterwards, MissM took them to afternoon tea to celebrate and they walked home. On Wednesday they kindly stayed home and waited for a tradesman to come while I had a tooth extracted (YUK), and on Thursday they caught the bus into Southampton and explored the city. They really enjoyed the Titanic Exhibition (which is good as I'd recommended it) and historical walk. Friday they collected their hire car and spent a few hours driving around to get used to the motorways. 

It's always interesting how adding guests, especially family and those who stay for a long time to our quiet three-some affects us. Even tho G's THERE Monday - Friday (oops, almost wrote where, quick delete button) it's certainly affected the home coming. Rather than hanging around the house letting him catch up on zzzzzz's, we've been out'n'about.

Dinner time is also different with 5 of us around the table. It's easier for me to cook as it's my kitchen and well, i know where everything is and I like to cook and no one else has offered to cook. FIL is the best kitchen cleaner-uper there is. The sink shines like a star!

FIL asks LOTS of questions, and I mean LOTS - what's the red light for near the stove? what's that light switch for? when was the last time the water filters were changed? who pays for the light bulbs to be replaced? when was the last time you serviced the car? how often do you check under the bonnet? 

MIL is also inquisitive - is Salisbury north or east of home? If we go via Stonehenge how much longer does it add to the trip? The green landscape here is different to Ireland, which was greener, wonder why? 

Simple questions like please show me how the washing machine works, or where does the spatula go are much easier to cope with and answer.

They are taking MissM to Isle of Wight tomorrow for a few days while we go to Barcelona. MissM's only just realizing we won't be in England ..... she's so-so about it.

Not sure yet if I'll take the laptop and bash out a few chats, or leave you in peace for a few days.

Either way, the next few days will be fun for all of us for different reasons.

Hope you have a good mid term if you are on holidays, 

With friendship

x

MIL & FIL's visit - part 1

We are so fortunate that where ever we've lived, we receive lots of visitors from Sydney; family and friends love to travel, and when they can, they include a stay with us in their itinerary.

MIL (mother in law) and FIL (father in law) have been to Dublin, Yokohama and arrived in Kings Worthy on Saturday morning.

My mum as also been to our three homes. Also holding a 100% score card is my godson. Not bad when you realize they all have to travel from Sydney!

Several people have been to two of 3 our homes, and a few have made it to one.

Mum holds the record for staying the longest time - 3 months in Dublin tho MIL and FIL will come close this trip (but they pop off for mini trips during the time they are with us, while Mum stays with us the whole time). B&E hold the record for the most visits to one address.

MrsH gave me a red leather bound journal when we left Sydney and we've used that as our Visitors Guest Book. We all love reading thru who's been and when, and the memories of their visit.

We love hearing Aussie accents fill the house; we love the conversations and giggles; we appreciate the time we can indulge in their company rather than the flying visits we have when we're in Sydney and try to see everyone.

The other benefit to hosting guests is the sight seeing. We get to do favorite things (at least) one more time, and some things for a first time as we save them up. It means, that by the time we're done living somewhere we know it (slightly) better than (some) locals. Like most expats, we live somewhere for such a short amount of time we have a common desire to see and do as much as we can within the time we have.

MIL and FIL are here for 11 weeks (yes, you read right, 11 weeks) so there'll be quite a few chats to be had and LOTS of things to chat'n'share.

After unpacking bags and settling in, we went to Fishers Pond for lunch. It's quickly become a favorite destination for good food and a great view over the pond. Looking forward to going on a sunny day. They followed G and had James Martins famous beef'n'merlot pie.


Sunday, we strolled St Hilliers Gardens, something we'd held off doing as we knew MIL and FIL enjoy gardens. They are having a sculptures event which made it very enjoyable. While watching the Chelsea Flower Show on the BBC this evening, we learnt that St Hilliers has been part of the Show for decades and has won 100 Gold Medals.

Beautiful views

Blossoms remind us of Japan

The artwork was positioned in magic surroundings

Loved the lines and shape of this structure overlooking the lake

Such a pretty sculpture, making the most of the lake

The dragonfly would be really special on a sunny day

There's a vast azalea garden and the colors were incredible

A bed of tulips

Contemplation

Hilliers Home and a nice place for afternoon tea

Fun in the children's garden

Monday, we did a guided tour of Winchester Cathedral. I strongly recommend if you haven't been to Winchester Cathedral and you have a chance to, you should. It's history is incredible. There are guided tours every hour, every day (just double check the website), and during summer they run a series of lunchtime tours focusing on one aspect of the Cathedral each week. 

Winchester Cathedral - the longest nave in Europe

St Swithun's is buried here, as is Jane Austen and as Winchester was the Saxon capital of England, many kings and queens are buried here too. Jane Austen moved to College Street, Winchester with her sister, Cassandra to be closer to her physician and passed away several weeks after moving.

Another lovely girls day out, is to visit her home in Chawton and see where she did most of her writing. Walking thru the gardens, knowing she and Cassandra walked there too is an incredible feeling, but seeing her writing table and chair by the window gave me goose bumps. The pub across the road from the house is nice for lunch.

Above: Headstone in Winchester Cathedral.
Below: The house in College Street where she and Cassandra, her sister,
lived for a short time before she passed away

We had an enjoyable lunch, then picked MissM up from school.

Today they walked around Winchester a bit more, while I had brunch with MsS who has just got engaged to MrE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations xo

Meanwhile, G is THERE for the week, getting stuck into the new project and will be home Friday.

It's all go at our house,

With friendship
x

A Really Lovely May Day Long Weekend

With only 13 weekends left, several of which G's parents will share with us, we decided to make the most of whatever the weather threw at us and planned to do a few short day trips to places of interest.

Saturday didn't start off too well weather wise, so we opted for an indoor destination. We chose Lullingstone Roman Villa simply because MissM's has been learning about the Greeks and Romans in history, and has taken to Horrible Histories and the entire exhibit was indoors (as it was forecasted to rain, and it did indeed pour)

She wasn't as into it as we'd hoped, but long enough that G and I had our cultural/historical fill for the month.

Lullingstone Villa was built during the Roman occupation of Kent. Constructed in the 1st century, perhaps around A. D. 80-90, the house was repeatedly expanded and occupied until it was destroyed by fire in the 5th century.


It was amazing! From the minute you enter, and see what's left of the villa, you can all but imagine people living and working here centuries ago. The information boards were very good too, and targeted children and adults with the way in which the information was presented.

We saw some very unique (in the true sense of the word) artefacts, not least of which is the Chi-Rho fresco, believed to be the earliest Christian symbol found in Britain.

If you live, or visit nearby, it's definitely worth a visit. It's not a whole day experience, but by the time you drive there, spend a hour or so there, have lunch and drive home it's a pleasant day out.

We had a lovely lunch at a pub nearby, and then drove to Knoel House. Neither of these places are on our bucket list, but we're so glad we took the time to see them.

Knole House is very large (356 room, 52 staircases, 12 entrances and 7 courtyards) , very old (built early 17th century), very musty and very dark (to help preserve the interior from damage to sunlight). 

It has a very long and interesting history, and has been in the hands of the Sackville family for centuries. It's worth a visit for the artwork alone - so many famous painters are hung here, on very dark walls, with very little light so they are hard to view,  but they are still incredible to see.

Most notably, among the Sackville descendants, these include writer Vita Sackville-West (apparently, her Knole and the Sackvilles, published 1922, is regarded as a classic in the literature of English country houses); her friend and lover Virginia Wolf wrote the novel Orlando drawing on the history of the house and Sackville-West's ancestors. 

Original manuscript (not sure I should have taken their of these photo
but I couldn't help myself, knowing friends are avid readers)

It was a really big day trip, about 186 miles (299 kms).

We woke to MORE sunshine on Sunday and after skyping with G's parents for an hour or so, we decided to make the most of another glorious day. We headed to one of our favourite locations, The New Forest, and the water.

We took G's new car again - he isn't a car dude like some guys are, but he loves driving nice cars (as most guys do) and he LOVES his new car. We 'burnt rubber' as MissM kept saying and had a ball.

Took a while but we finally found a water front location, and a pub for lunch.

THe Mayflower had a beer garden, and sunshine and seagulls, all that was missing was the smell of a BBQ. We had a yummy lunch in the beer garden, MissM played on the gym equipment and patted a few small dogs. We walked along the sea wall and around the marina, thoroughly enjoying the majestic boats in the water and on dry dock.

MissM and G had an ice cream.

We walked.

We talked.

We laughed.

They skipped stones together.

Last night was a very easy dinner.

How lucky were we to wake up to another day of Sunshine and blue skies.

I feel like such a Brit, talking about the weather like I do, and exclaiming in full voice THE SUN IS SHINING but after months and months of grey bleak skies and wet windy days this is glorious.

We sat on the patio in the sun, reading while MissM played in the vegie gardens, and G did some prep work for tomorrow. We had lunch out there too; and when G brought out the iPod speaker and turned up the volume and started shakin' his bootie I couldn't help but smile and join him.

We've had a super weekend, hope you did too,

With friendship
x