ms-havachat on the arriving phase - JUST BREATHE! Oh, Bite me.

Google even had this little gem waiting for me today.

Just breathe.

Be patient.

Things take time.

Don't rush.

It'll all work out.

As expats, how many of you have heard these pearls of wisdom?

When you are in the arriving phase, (we're not even up to the settling in phase), all you want to do is have things move quickly and smoothly so that your family, especially the kids can 'settle' and 'feel at home' so that life can adopt a normality again.

While hubby is at work, and the kids are at school, you are running around trying to make new friends, find a hairdresser, unpack boxes, work out how to do an online grocery shop, drive on the 'wrong' side of the road, remember how to work the sat nav, collect kids from school, prepare dinner (or order take away) and collapse into bed ready to face another day. 

Just breathe.

Be patient.

Things take time.

Don't rush.

It'll all work out.

Yeah yeah. BITE ME!

Sorry, heard it all before. In fact, I've probably even said it and meant every word. But when you're the one having to be patient, forget it. Things do take time to sort themselves out - sometimes longer than others, but that's OK. Each Adventure is unique. Yeah Yeah. BITE ME!

I've been sitting in the posh lounge area at our second temporary home since arriving in the UK last Thursday most of the morning. There's genteel music being piped thru the BOSE sound system, the rain is bucketing down and I just noticed the trees are starting to change colour. I'm breathing in and out knowing full well the  next few weeks will be crazy busy, with lots of ups'n'downs, so for now I'm being patient. 

The morning has been filled with taking MissM to school; a lovely long chat with MsA  (We used the whatsapp phone and it was really good), read a few news articles online, commented on a few things friends posted on FB, checked out my favourite bloggers and what-do-ya-know, it's lunchtime!

Haven't moved a muscle! The waitress asked me if I'd like to see the lunch menu .... yes please. Lunch just arrived. A delicious smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel with salad, and a latte. Not even sure I need to find anywhere else for lunch for the next few days, as the atmosphere here is delightful! 

The Art of Doing Nothing. 

G left for Sydney last night. 

MissM coped really well. I was the mess. 

Two nights ago I had a panic attack. I've never had one before. I don't ever want to have one again.  Have you had a panic attack or been with someone who has. They are awful!

It started around midnight. I woke with a fright from a dream - no money; no house; a car registered in another country; our belongings in storage in another country; I felt abandoned and so very alone. I think I paid too much attention to a podcast of Two Fat Expats a while ago about expats who divorce and the ensuing drama's ... not that G and I are divorcing. Far from it. This move has been fraught from the get-go with issues beyond our control. I'm still not quite in the right frame of mind to chat  about what's been going on, and continues to go on but I will. 

It'll all be fine. 

Just breathe.

Be patient.

Things take time.

Don't rush.

It'll all work out.

So for the rest of the day, til school pick up, I'll be online, checking out Facebook updates, reading the news online, listening to the music and hoping the rain stops, if not subsides in time for pick up. Oh no, a spark of lightening and a huge clap of thunder. A real storm. Haven't had one of those for years. 

After pick up, we'll come back to the hotel, chill out in the room before going to the dining room for dinner. Then we'll go back to the room, have showers and go to bed. I'll try to download a TV show to listen to on the laptop with headphone so MissM can sleep next to me (my kindle got packed up, totally my mistake). Hopefully G will ring before MissM falls asleep.

Wonder what tomorrow holds? 

The Art of Doing Nothing. 

Trust me, I'd much rather be in our house, overwhelmed by unpacking boxes and making the house our home for the next few years than doing nothing, tho I've mastered doing nothing just as well as being busy. 

A potential new friend who I met at school yesterday said she feels she should be doing more to settle in. I said why ... there's time. She hasn't even found a house yet, let alone anything else. Her husband left for where they were living to finish out his contract, so she's single-parenting in a strange country (not unlike me at the moment, tho we've lived here before and have friends scattered around the place)

Many expats rush to fit in, get settled, sort things out, have everything the same as before, when it's not.

She asked me how we were going in terms of settling in .... I don't know her well enough to dump on her so I simply said, it's fine. We've a few issues to resolve but it'll all happen. She said she has no idea how we move so often and still smile and asked me for any tips. 

So, here's a few tips for her and those of you who have just arrived,

- Breathe.

- You're not alone. 

- Make lists of things that you need to do, or your husband needs to do, or the kids or your employer: and stick to them.

- Prioritise each thing to be done. 

- Set yourself only one or two things to accomplish each day (more than that is stressful and can be demotivating IF you don't get them done)

- Celebrate every single small success (especially if you are living where you don't speak the language or don't understand the culture)

- Make time to be flexible when people invite you for coffee or a walk, or to take you somewhere. Cultivating new friendships is a priority, regardless of what's on the list.
- If you can't access a mobile phone right away, make sure you have a pen'n'paper handy to write down phone numbers and at least be able to text or whatsapp or viber or FaceTime ..... there are so many apps that work on WiFi.
- Have a reliable sat nav to help you get around.
- Sign up to the Parents Ass. at school or your place of worship so that you 'belong' somewhere and have something to do and somewhere to go.
- Seek out and join the local International Women's Club (or similar)
- Breathe.
- Be Patient.

Tomorrow I'll phone a few people I've been introduced to via email and tee up a coffee; we're off to friends for lunch on Bank Holiday Monday, which only leaves Saturday and Sunday to fill in but I have a few ideas. 

The Art of Doing Nothing.

Just breathing.

With friendship

x