ms-havachat ponders MIA - Mums in Action

This chat's been sitting on my laptop for a while now. I've been editing it and now I think it's ready to share. Some chats flow so easily from my fingers while others are there in my head but struggle to be related thru my fingers onto the keyboard.

I'd LOVE to chat with you on a daily basis, and sometimes there's HEAPS to share, and other times, not so much. The ups'n'downs of everyday life right? At times like that, our Facebook page keeps us connected (if you've not LIKED mshavachat on FB yet, please do, the more the merrier)

Anyhow, MrsD and I went walking a while ago (actually several weeks ago). I hope she won't mind me sharing this story with you. I'm sure I said then 'this is such a great topic for ms-havacahat'.

That's how some chats end up here. Inspiration from a conversation with a friend, or in a group. It's not all me all the time.

Here we go:

One year, MrsD was unable (can't recall why) to attend the information session at night for parents at the beginning of the school year. You know the one, where the Head of School reaffirms why you've chosen the school, explains the schools philosophy to learning, promotes the upgrades around the campus that should have been finished before school started but are running over time, introduces teachers etc. 

Her husband was home (a very rare happening as he travels a LOT) and offered to go in her place as he could tell having a clash of events was troubling her. 

She printed the list of teachers, they discussed any issues/concerns they had and needed to be addressed, and off he went. After putting the address into the sat nav, he headed off to school and she went out. Her phone rang not long after "I found the school ok, where do I go now?'

Well, I roared with laughter, while also acknowledging, as she did, that it was also kinda sad.

The kids had been at school for a few years ...... he had no idea where to go once there because he'd never been. He, like other expat dads travel A LOT.  MrD is away at least 6 months of the year and he's not the only one. MrsC husband lives/works in another country because they want their kids to have a normal childhood which they wouldn't get living where he is based. Another family has their dad on short term contracts, so moving every 6-12 months just wouldn't work for the kids, so they are based in the UK while dad visits as often as possible. Another set of friends are split mid-week due to the hours hubby works in London, so he opts to stay there rather than come home simply to sleep but has Fridays off to be with the family. And another example, is a friend who's husband's business was sold and relocated by the new owners to another country so he's there for 2 years over transition their kids are at a critical point in their school lives so they decided to stay put and have dad go and visit - often. Another friend has made the huge decision to pop their kids into boarding school in their home country for continuity of education/lifestyle/extended family close by.


These scenarios are not unique. Sadly, in expat life 'family life' takes many forms. There's a community of mid-week-single-mums as the dads work long hours/travel for work, bunker down with family on weekends and go to work again.

Before I go on I should say that this scenario is slowly changing and that there are more and more mums being the expat employee, with dad staying home with the kids. Very rarely do both expat parents work full time.

Some of you might think WT - you have a choice. No one's making you live this lifestyle. What's more important career or family? Change jobs! Move home! Redefine the work hours! Take control of work/life balance!

It should be that simple, but it's far from it.

M I A - Mums In Action! (or DIA, Dads In Action)

Co-parenting is not a term often used when talking about expats.

Single parenting, while keeping the absent one informed and included is key to a happy and long marriage/family.

When the working parent comes home, dividing their time between their partner and kids is difficult as everyone wants and needs their time and attention, friends want to catch up while you just want to bunker down with the family; or you want to sleep!

Two Fat Expats on a recent podcast talked about Lead Parent - that's the one who Leads the way - settling the kids into school, establishing yet another new home, making friends, researching doctors, hairdressers, learning where to shop for what, maybe even learning a new language or navigating a new culture. All this is done while the 'other parent' goes to work, or hops on a plane for a business trip.

At our recent Parent information session, introducing the Middle School program, G commented that there were very few dads there and he could have stayed home while I went. WHY? I asked - you don't travel! it's one a a handful of things he can attend (most stuff is during the day) and I absolutely expect his support and our daughter deserves it. (Footnote; He said it in a joking way, but I took it a little bit too seriously, so I'm just telling you what happened)

The other consideration to acknowledge is new families have only just arrived and don't have anyone reliable to sit with the kids while they go out (huge disruption to date nights), so one parent (dad) offers to stay home so Mum can attend as she's the Lead Parent.

I said to MrsD, I appreciate just how unique and fortunate we are as an expat family that G does not travel for work, he's home every night, and is flexible to a point with his hours so can be home early (providing there's enough notice) to join me at evening meetings.

Mums (or Dads) In Action ..... imagine all of this, multiplied by the number of kids you have! As the parent of one child, I'm in constant awe of friends. I also offer to help out.  Having one child, there's always room for 2 more in our small car; or a spare bed for a sleep over if mum and dad need a spur of the moment date night; or notes to be shared after a meeting at school.

• School runs. 
• Meetings with various teachers. 
• Organising 'stuff'.
• Getting involved in Parents Group/Association.
• Keeping the school calendar and personal diaries up to date.
• Depending on the age of kids, this could mean up to 4 school calendars
• Add sports, drama, music, art, community stuff !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Buying another pair of indoor shoes cos their feet won't stop growing..
• Impersonating a taxi driver every afternoon. 
• One car, one driver needed to be at various places at the same time - IMPOSSIBLE
• Car pooling is a great idea, sharing the dropping off/picking up
• Helping/checking/bribing homework is done, as well as musical instrument practise, sport etc. 
• Encouraging hygiene on a nightly basis.
• Managing use of mobile phones or time online with friends.
• Encouraging them OUTSIDE.
• Cooking.
• Washing.
• Shopping.
• Sorting out the weekends activities around the kids social calendar.
• Organising Date Night

The list goes on ................ so how those of you who work full time outside the home do it is beyond me. 

MrsD (a different one) once told her housekeeper 'I work to hard to keep you employed. If I didn't work such long hours, I'd be able to do this myself, so please help me and do as I ask' (Long story and it's not as rude as it might sound. All good. Everyone's happy.)

Reminds me again of Annabelle Crabb's recent book, The Wife Drought, Why Women Need A Wife and Men Need a Life.

We are a fortunate that G's work allows him to be home every night; that he's able to be involved with what's going on and I do not feel like a M I A. The few times he works longer than usual hours (and they are long at the best of times) for a few nights in a row I 'suffer' but then I think of friends and laugh it off.

Why do we do it?

Probably because the job opportunities at 'home' are less, that the excitement and career prospects are greater overseas, because it's fascinating living in a different country, because we are a team and we agreed to this lifestyle and if one of us doesn't do their role properly, the team (i.e.: family) is affected.

I'm proud of my M I A status. I've learnt so much about myself, my capabilities, my limitations, my strengths. I've put myself into situations I'd never thought about and survived!

So, to all you M I A's (and dads too) well done! Congratulations. You're doing a great job. Find a friend like me, who has one kid cos we're often only too happy to help you out.

Remember those famous words said by a very famous American Lady 'Its takes a village'. And you know what, it truly does.

With friendship
x

ms-havachat rediscovers shopping at Costco

Have you ever been to Costco?

What did you think?

For expats, Costco, like Ikea is exactly the same the world over, and because of that, memories of past homes and friendships flood back just by seeing the signage. On my drive with MrsC yesterday I bored her with stories of mornings that started at Starbucks, where one mention of "anyone need anything at Costco' resulted in a convoy of cars filled with friends going shopping for the day.

This American retail giant is now a global juggernaut with 674 warehouses (they don't even call them shops) in several countries.

I first experienced Costco when I was in Atlanta many many years ago, staying with friends.

I remember the hugeness of the hanger space this 'supermarket' was housed in; the volume of product; rather than shelves, items were on pallets that were easily moved when emptied and replaced by full ones in a matter of seconds; the range of products from diamond rings to soap; the enormous size things came in.

Why did my girlfriend and her husband need to buy 50 packs of toilet paper at once? Pounds of meat or chicken? Why do you buy a watch or diamond ring from a supermarket and not a jeweller? It was so new and fascinating I still remember it all these years later.

It was too much!

Move forward a few decades and Costco Japan was a saviour for all the US expats (bless Kirkland brand) and westerners alike who preferred certain foods over what was available in the local supermarkets, or because of larger families needed to buy larger sizes than traditional Japanese offerings.

My buddy-family-mum took me to Costco a few weeks after we arrived. The visit was hilarious and it's one shopping experience I will remember f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

We needed a multitude of electrical products (sold everything in Ireland), as well as starting over with fridge/freeze/pantry/laundry products.

I filled two trolleys (see my photo below of the trolley bay and you'll realise just what two Costco trolley worth shopping means) and as it was going thru the checkout out I realised it wasn't fair to try to stuff it all into my new friends car, so separated what could be home delivered and what I needed to take with us (frozen/fridge items)

Well, my new friend forgot to tell me they only took cash ..... I had very little on me and was planning to pay by card which is why I went bonkers p'n'down the isles.

When the total was rung up, I handed my credit card to the cashier who shook her head NO.

It took a few minutes of charades before I understood they didn't take cards, only cash.

I had very little can on me.

Once I made myself understood, the cashier was very understanding and started to put back the more expensive electrical items to reduce the bill to meet my cash; I however, wanted to keep these items and put back the food. We were living in Chinatown so food was not a priority.

She would remove/debit the electrical appliances, and I would put them back and swapped them with food. Eventually someone who spoke English came over to help translate what was happening and why. The cashier laughed with me and allowed me to remove most of the food, pay by cash and we went home .... and ate out for a few more nights til I went again with another friend, this time with cash in hand.

I continued to shop at Costco while living in Japan, and having it home delivered simply because we didn't have a car and it was actually easier to buy things in bulk and leave only fresh food items for the daily/weekly local shop. I honestly haven't missed it at all since leaving.

But I digress .................. and went yesterday with MrsC.

Now, this is NOT an advertisement for Costco, merely a chat about a shopping experience in a few countries and how it is very de javu in experience.

While you can definitely shop in the UK very easily, and supermarkets are competitive, shopping in bulk does save you money and time, and heck, who am I kidding? Costco is just pure retail fun!

Like Ikea, it's amazing what you think you need when you see it.

Here's a pictorial visit to Costco UK - see if you can spot any differences to Costco where you are. I could not find one difference (layout was a bit different, but all-in-all, not much)

MASSIVE shopping carts and
LOTS of them. This was but one area of
carts waiting to be pushed around the store. 

On entering the warehouse I smiled and remembered.
Everything is HUGE! The isles are wider than wide; the products
are stacked high, and there's so much of everything!

Ribbons! I really wanted to buy some, but
I don't need any so I didn't but
WOW, just look at the colours and how pretty they are.

Top Left: One section of Cheese.
Top Right: One section of frozen food.
Bottom Left: Preparing fresh salads and sushi
Bottom Right: Supersize pizza's

Gotta love the stationery isle. I remembered fondly the
packs of coloured paper, and sticker sets and pen sets
I bought for MissM to do craft in Japan.

Not a fan of the lunch menu, but many are as the tables were full
of lunch time noshers.

The famous pallet loads of
paper towel and loo paper.
Small retailers would buy these and decanter them
and sell the packs of 4 individually. 

Yes, we have a slab worth of loo paper and a slab worth of paper towel in the garage; 6 rolls of Scotch tape; totally filled the freezer with food (decantered each slab of meat/chicken into 'meal size' freezer bags - a very good suggestion from MrsP in Japan) amongst other enormous quantities of stuff.

I came home with a whiteboard set for our home office and left behind a plastic floor mat for the chairs to glide on; also decided we didn't need new fry pans, or a tiny pan for the perfect fried egg (at least til next shop)

I thought shopping at Costco was fun cos it was a novelty in Japan but I was mistaken.

It's just pure fun because it's so over the top, expansive, enormous and completely unnecessary on so many levels.

Are you a member of Costco?

What's the craziest thing you've bought there?

Do you buy the loo paper and paper towel?

Any tricks to share?

With friendship
x

ms-havachat paints

What a great night!

MrsB invited MrsC and I to join her at a popup art night near London.

MissM went over to MrsC (gotta love a friend who's also a neighbour) so we could get an early train into London, until G collected her and they had their usual daddy/daughter fun evening with out me.

We met at Clapham Junction (such a busy train station) and MrsB had called UBER for a ride to get us to our destination quickly.

The Jam Tree is a funky, trendy cafe/bar/restaurant in Clapham that was the venue for our pop up art class. We had a delicious dinner and a glass of wine and go thru most of our chatting before going into the class.

Thanks Google for the photo.

Thanks Google - the bar was crowded and I wasn't able to get a great photo.

Google image. THIS is the wonderful door we walked thru
to go to class! Felt like going thru the wardrobe in Narnia.

We were chatting so much over dinner (and our wine) that we were the last 3 to enter the class (typical). Fortunately we'd not missed that much. Two ladies kindly moved so that the 3 of us could sit together.

All the canvas' were set up on long tables, and all we needed to do was done an apron and get some paint onto our pallet (see top photo)

Our French instructor explained what we were to do 'add much much water to your biggest brush. Add paint to brush and do this (and he started to paint). We painted to his verbal instructions and watching him actually paint. He'd wander the room from time to time, looking and suggesting things to do but we were pretty much left to our own creativity.

Top image was our goal.
Bottom image was the instructors, step by step visual  guide.

OK - add much much water to brush and start to paint.

We started with yellow.

We added red.

We highlighted with white.

Getting started was nerve wrecking and fun.

Some people were confident and chose their own colours.

Phew. It's nerve wrecking putting paint right onto a canvas when you're not sure what you are doing. I  thought I'd paint like I used to use a microwave, a little bit at a time, building from light to heavy cos it's easier to add than take away, right?

Next came the scary bit - the outline of the skyline. I wish we had a pencil and eraser so we could draw first and paint second, but no. Paint brush, a little bit of paint and draw.

So not to scale!

Then we painted in the black. This bit was the most fun for me as it was just a solid paint job.

MrsC's finished piece at the front, mine's in the middle and
MrsB's at the end. 

TA DAAAAAA! Mine, close up.

The dripping paint is deliberate (G wasn't sure about it when I showed him. He thought I was impatient and some the paint had run). That was just water over the damp paint.

It's not that bad for a first attempt over a two hour period, tho it will take time to work out where, if anywhere we'll hang it. MissM is very proud of me and wants it next to her Minnie Mouse painting.

It was a really fun night with friends.

I'd recommend it :)

With friendship
x

ms-havachat - what makes a house a home?

MissM asked me a few weeks ago, how do I make a house our home.

What an interesting question!

What a mature observation.

There is a HUGE difference between a house and a home, and what you can do if you own your own home or are renting.  Of course there's so much more to a house/home than the material things, and different cultures have their own definition of the word, but deep down in all of us, we want our home to be representative of us, to be a safe haven, to be 'ours'.

As constant renters, moving every few years, it's something we do automatically. We have our criteria for house hunting which we provide the relocation company or real estate agents, we look at what's available (hopefully there's a choice, but not often) and make a decision.

It's curious MissM asked the question. She's had a new home every couple of years. For some, that might be rather unnerving, but she's settled and happy and fine everywhere we've lived.

We are always excited to move in, and get the Adventure started!

MrsW and her family moved here the same time we did; I popped over with coffee and cake the day their international shipment arrived. They had thousands of boxes (I exaggerate, but they had a LOT).  I was excited to visit yesterday to see how everything fitted (and to snoop at her stuff). She welcome me with a huge smile and the words "WELCOME TO MY HOME, it's no longer just a house".

Those words resonated with me all day and into the evening, so much so it's time to chat about it.

How do we/I make a house our home?

What goes into making it FEEL like ours?

How do we remove the people who were here before us, in their 'home'?

If only it was that easy !

Here's what we do. It's a combination of our own experiences and what I've observed/heard from others.

Delivery Day:

• Unpack boxes directly into cupboards where possible, limiting times on 'flat surfaces'
• Remove empty boxes as quickly as possible (flat pack them for easy removal)
• Keep some for storing items you might not need in this particular house
• Keep some for storing items that might end up in a garage or boot sale/or need to be taken to a charity shop
• Flatten and fold white wrapping paper 
• Donate to local school for art projects
• Keep some for your kids for art projects
• Recycle rest
• Flatten and fold bubble wrap
• Keep some for the next move!
• Great to have on hand for gift wrapping

THEN ..................

• Get the internet connected!
• Get the TV connected and working!
• Learn how to use the kitchen and laundry appliances.
• Work out the light switches.
• Make the beds.
• In order of importance, get the rooms sorted
• Kitchen/dining
• Bedrooms
• Laundry/Utility room
• Home Office
• Lounge/sitting rooms
• At the same time as the above is happening, keep the following rooms neat and tidy
• Garage
• Attic/basement

All of the above happens within the first week or so, at least in our house it does, or has. We're a bit slower this move.


Next, we turn to making the house your HOME. This takes time, and varies move to move, so be kind to yourself and breathe, you'll get there, we all do :)

• Make a list of the new items of furniture you might need (not every place you rent has what you need in terms of storage)
• Think about your ideas for a week or so before rushing off any buying the pieces you might regret. 
• Know which direction the sun rises/sets in terms of the amount of light/heat that might come into the room/s
• Recognise the way the family enters the house - thru garage, front door, back/side door.
• where's the heavy foot traffic?
• where do school bags tend to be dumped?
• Take measurements with you so you know the items will fit where you need them to go.
• Obvious, but .........
• Go to Ikea. I don't work for them, they have no idea I'm even chatting about them, but every expat knows, Ikea is great for cost effective, attractive, storage ideas. 
• Check measurements before purchasing
• Build Ikea and put stuff away. 
• Put up artwork on the walls!
• Invest in a variety of 3M wall hangers. They are easy to put  up and don't leave any marks on the walls. 
• Check the weight of what you are hanging as 3M hooks come in a variety of hanging strengths.
• Check the attachments on the artwork, posters etc to know what type of hook will be best i.e. wire? rope? hook? 
• Count how many 3M packs you need of each
• it's super annoying to be in the middle of hanging stuff up and run out!
• If you have rugs or carpets, get them out and into position.
• Pop some fresh flowers into vases. 

It takes a few weeks to find the 'flow' of the rooms, where you live as a SAHM as opposed to when the whole family is home. So breath and let things happen naturally.


We're slowing turning our house into our HOME, like MrsW has accomplished already, and as we have done several times before, and will do again. (Slow, deep sigh)


About half our paintings are hung. We're still deciding on where to put the remaining ones.

We've been to Ikea, and have built 2 desks (home office is on it's way to being done, but sharing the one room with G and MissM might be tricky). Still have to get cork boards and a white board and maybe even a book case - but there's time to think about that.

Our new Ikea kitchen storage solution is on order and I am excited to know that in a few weeks ALL the remaining boxes will be emptied and I will be able to find everything, all the time.

Our bedrooms are done.

The living room is (nearly) there.


After spending time in Sydney and visiting friends who have renovated, or are renovating, I'm sad and a bit jealous that we'll never be in the position to choose the colour of our walls, or design our kitchen, or invest in the perfect chair for the corner of the lounge room as MrsD has done (love the chair she chose too).

Are you wondering what I told MissM when she asked me, how do I make a house our home? I told her it's simple - being together, with our memories around us, friends visiting, making new memories (and having enough storage space so that things can go away and rooms can be neat'n'tidy)



We are only a matter of weeks away from feeling like we can open our front door to friends and say HI! Welcome to our home.

ms-havachat's all for Equality for Geeks.

How cute are these dudes?

Over the summer holidays, MissM discovered Minecraft.  A few boy friends (not boyfriends, but boys who are friends, she asked me to make that very clear) welcomed her into their group to play/build/create together. They also show each other cool new stuff, or help solve problems together.

I'm not into Minecraft nor do I understand it, but they do and they are happy and that's fine with me.

What I and the other mums love about it, is that the kids are simply TOGETHER. Boys. Girls. TOGETHER. There's no jostling for power, no bitching, it's equal and balanced and well, normal. MissM got teased a little bit at her last school by some of the girls about MrH being her boy friend but she just shrugged it off and agreed, saying yes he's a boy and yes he's my friend, in fact he's one of my best friends.

When Geek Squad was offered as an after school activity at her new school, MissM jumped at the chance to learn more about Minecraft, hone her skills on Scratch (an animation coding site) and anything else the group offered.

She wasn't too impressed with the name of the activity and didn't want to be seen as a geek (don't blame her) but her desire to play online games once a week after school with friends was too much, so she signed up. She said 'daddy's a geek so it makes sense I'm one too'.

She was very surprised that she's the only girl in a group of 18 boys, tho she doesn't mind at all, in fact the reason this chat is happening is because of something she said in the car and I asked her if I could share it cos it's a really important message.

'Mumma, I think I am going to do my iTeam project* on How To Encourage More Girls Into Geek Squad cos I'm the only girl and that's just wrong. I can do the one about making a cosy home and how does my voice sing another time'

Pardon was all I could say as she caught me by surprise.

"Well, I'm the only girl doing Geek Squad and I think that's sad, don't you? I want to know why the other girls didn't sign up and I want to change their mind'

'Sounds like a fantastic iTeam topic. Does it bother you you're the only girl?'

"NO! I don't mind at all, but it would be fun to have more in the group.'

'So you've got all the boys to yourself?' giggle giggle giggle.

'MUMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop it' giggle giggle giggle. 

So far, they have seen and used a 3D printer, she has honed her skills on Scratch and is excited to be going to a local retirement village to show/help the residents how to use iPads.

How cool is our kid?

As part of grade 5 homework they have to complete a set of touch typing exercises each night; they have been given a couple of maths websites for practice; French homework this evening was online, IT is a subject and they are given school iPads to work on, so Geek Squad is pretty apt for all of them.

MissM was so excited she thought she could throw away pen and pencil forever (unless it was for art) and not have to finesse her handwriting (printing is acceptable if the kids don't want to do cursive) but the work is split between tapping away online and writing.

In preparing her iTime project, she interviewed some of the boys in the Squad, as well as the teacher. She also asked several girls a series of questions in order to work out WHY the girls weren't signing up. Turns out, the girls prefer to dance (on at same time) or didn't know enough about what they did in Geek Squad to sign up for it.

Her iTime project has encouraged conversation at home about types of jobs geeks secure, and when you think about it - desktop publishing, web designers, coding specialists, artists/designers, engineers, architects - the list goes on. Even the guys in Ikea last Sunday were using desk top publishers (or similar) to help people plan their kitchens.

What are these young girls thinking asked MissM!

It's kinda cool to be a geek - look at all those career opportunities!

So, after a couple of interviews, 3 weeks of Geek Squad and a few chats at home, MissM reckons its absolutely cool to be a girl geek.



PS: iTeam* project is a 6 weekly project, the topic is chosen by the student and can be anything!
Week 1 - Nominate topic and develop a starting point and finishing point (aka what do you want to know and why, what do you hope to learn)
Week 2 - Plan strategy
Week 3 - Implement strategy
Week 4 - Build case and start putting a presentation together
Week 5 - Finalise presentation and rehearse
Week 6 - Present to class (no more than 5 minutes)

What a great way to motivate the kids! Can't wait to see what other topics will be chosen by MissM and her class mates over the coming months.

Are you or your kids Geeks?

What does the word mean to you?

Do you think it needs a revamp? 

With friendship

x

What? I'm British?

Tomorrow night MissM and I are on a plane to Sydney to finalise our UK visa application with G.

It's been nearly 7 weeks since he left for Sydney to start the process while working UK hours, sorting out 'stuff'. You can feel the excitement in the air.

My telephone call with G yesterday afternoon:

G: Can you please bring our marriage certificate with you?
Me: Yes.
G: And MissM's birth certificate.
Me: Yes.
G: Do you have your dad's birth certificate?
Me: No. Why?
G: What about your parents marriage certificate?
Me: No. Why would I have that?
G: OK, we'll have to order them.
Me: WHY?
G: Oh, sorry. The lawyers have told me that you're visa application is going to be rejected.
Me: WT????????????????? (and laughing at the same time, cos this move has been horrendous in so many ways)
G: You have a legal birthright to be British and so that's what you'll get. Not a visa.
Me: Pardon?
G: You can have a thing called a Right to Abode, but not the T2 you usually get.
Me; Which one's better? What's the difference?
G: From what I understand, the British passport is better cos in a few years, MissM and I can apply too because of you which makes moving around EU so much easier.
Me: Oh. Ok then. British it is, but I'm still Australian!
G: Yes. You're not giving that up - just gaining the other
Me: O-kay ... guess so then.


Apparently he'd been dealing with this new issue for a day or so in Sydney and wanted to wait til he had all the facts before sharing it with me.

Dad was born in Scotland and therefore I am ENTITLED to be British and will be granted a RIGHT TO ABIDE (abode?) status/passport and not a mere T2 visa.

The odd thing is, I had one when we were here for Adventure No3. Apparently birthright trumps work visa's and possibly someone made a mistake last time cos apparently I should not have received the visa two years ago.

Can you imagine how it feels to be told you HAVE to become another nationality, just like that. It's hilarious, if it wasn't so serious.

Now that I've calmed down, I can see there are huge advantages to this discovery that this is happening but the fact that I am being TOLD irks me somewhat.

In addition to all the paperwork that has already been submitted, we now have to order things like Dad's birth certificate and have it priority posted to Australia to prove he was indeed born in Scotland; Mum and Dad's marriage certificate to prove he married mum, and my birth certificate to prove he is on my birth certificate as my father, tho of course, you can father a child without being married so this one's lost on me. Once all this is obtained, submitted and approved, I'm British.

Who knew it was that darn easy?

G and MissM will have the visa stamped in their passports while I'll come back with nothing different in my passport, and a heap of paperwork to submit here in the UK on our return.

The benefit to this lat minute chaos is that after a year or so, G and MissM can apply for same British status, based on the fact he's married to moi, and she's my daughter. It'll come  in very handy for MissM if she wants to go to uni/college in the UK, or work here.

My god son and my younger cousin are really miffed cos they would LOVE to be able to do what I've done and work/live in the UK but have to go thru the long process as no parents were born in UK so there's no birthright.

Any of you have a direct parental birthright to the UK?

Apparently, they WANT you!

Has anything like this happened to you? What did you do?

ms-havachats WORSE MOVE EVER

Combining our 1st and 4th Adventure with our
3rd and 5th one

All moves are different.

We learn from mistakes.

We make new ones (hopefully fewer and less dramatic as time goes on) tho the more moves you make, the easier it should be. You know what you are in for, you know what to expect, you plan accordingly.

Sometimes, however, things beyond your control make the move hellish.

This has been one of those moves. Several things have gone awry, but the physical packing and shipping of our things should not have been one of them. We had 5 quotes, and decided to go with the company we were recommended to as there wasn't much difference in the prices. We felt confident with the company as their representation from the time of quote, to email follow ups, their patience with us in confirming dates etc was very good. However ................. from the moment the guys DID NOT wrap our furniture I started to get anxious.

As you know, this is our 5th international move so I can confidently say I have experience in watching packers pack our stuff. I've never seen anything like this before, nor do I want to again.

Imagine seeing your beds, lounge suites etc being propped up in a truck with just those funny fuzzy pieces of packing blanket tucked in-between then. All I could think of was bed lice YUK.

We did NOT use Sterling, despite their being one of their
boxes in the photograph. They moved us from UK to Ireland
two years ago and were great. 

As you can see from the photo, the truck was very high, and they just kept stacking our possessions higher and higher.

Our glass top outdoor table and chairs - unwrapped. Coming up from UK to Ireland, the chairs were boxed in the most creative fashion and the glass top (not legs) was wrapped with monster bubble wrap and packing blankets. Not this time!

Thank goodness our dining table and chairs was still in the packaging it left the UK in (we didn't need it as the landlords left theirs in the house for us to use).

The guys started to bring in boxes and more boxes and furniture. There seemed no logical pattern as to how the boxes were coming off the truck. Soon I was drowning in the kitchen with boxes and paper and no where to put things (such a badly designed kitchen, but we're slowly working it out)

I asked them when they were going to start unpacking only to be told nope, just delivery. WT?

I called G in Sydney, who phoned the office in Dublin .... office made a mistake, it was unpack too. PHEW. Though in hindsight, not such a great idea.

MrsD phoned to see how things were going and heard in my voice that it wasn't going great (I tried so hard to hide my frustration). Within half an hour, she was at the front door with coffee and chocolate. She stayed for a while, calmed me down and helped sort out a few more boxes. While she was doing that, I popped upstairs to see how things were going.

I should have stayed in the kitchen!

Check out the disaster I saw:

Inside 4 boxes - as opened. No wrapping.
No protection for our possessions.

I was so upset when I saw how they had packed my
beautiful silk orchard which was a gift from friends when we left Yokohama. 

I walked back into the lounge room and put my hands up like a traffic cop and said PLEASE STOP!

There was the computer printer - why wasn't it in the office?
There were our vases and some ornaments on the floor - why?
All the DVD's were scattered on the floor - why not in the drawer they came from?
Photo albums precariously stacked on top of the lounge!
A cracked mirror!
Several items were in their original boxes (you remember that chat from a while ago), and rather than simply popping them into a packing box, they TAPPED the box closed, so when you take off the tape, your remove the cardboard from the box too. WHO DOES THAT?
One of my Ikebana vases wasn't wrapped but merely perched ontop of our SHOES in a box.

Who in their right mind would think this
is an acceptable way to pack a fragile item?

No way is this our 7 years of bad luck!!!!!!!!!!

In our bedroom and MissM's bedroom, they had simply upended the boxes which had our clothes in them! There were knickers and bras, undies and sox everywhere. The clothes were in huge piles ontop of our beds (where did they think we were going to sleep?)

Top Left: Our bedroom.
Top Right: MissM's bed.
Bottom Left: The other side of MissM's room.
Bottom Right: Hangers just thrown on the floor of our bedroom. 

Every single one of G's shirts needs to be ironed! They are beyond creased.

I could go on but I won't.

We have an insurance claim in for all the breakages, and a formal complaint to the company about lack of service, the fact we paid for a full load and got a part load; the unprofessional unpacking and more.

And these guys were recommended to us!

No idea what's gone wrong or why and frankly don't care.

It's taken HOURS of extra work to be just kinda-settled (took me 3 days to find sheets for the bed).

WORSE MOVE EVER!

A friend said it could be worse - she knew of someone who lost their entire household contents off a ship! The container was one of several that slid off in a storm. (Which reminded me of my Ikebana teacher who also lost thousands of euros worth of stock in the same way)

She's right.

It could have been worse.

Do you have a Worse Move Ever story?

Do you have photos?

What suggestions do you have to avoid a repeat drama?

mshavachat's first award listing

A few months ago, my friend who blogs as Hilda By Design suggested ms-havachat enter the 2015 Irish Blog Awards. So, I did.

In fact, we both did.

It was a big of fun.

It got our blogs out 'there' where ever 'there' is.

THANK YOU to those who voted!

I'm proud to say, ms-havachat was LONG LISTED.

I am officially entitled to add this fabulous button to the website (which I still haven't updated which might be why this is as far as the blog got.)


There were over 5,000 entries as bloggers and readers-of-blogs nominated their favourite blog under various categories.

Apparently there's still voting to be done on the Short Listed entries then a huge Awards Night is planned where the winners of each category are announced.

I would like to wish my good blogger friend LoveTomTom all the best as she made the short list for her category, and deservingly so.  She's an Aussie/Italian living and loving Dublin, Ireland. Her blogs are so stylish.

Have to admit, it was a bit of fun waiting to see just how far ms-havachat could go - and really lovely to see the blog mentioned.

Seems a few people are enjoying it, which is very lovely.

Thanks for the support,

Hugs
x

ms-havachat Will Not Be Beaten By A Sat Nav.

This has nothing to do with Garmin, but everything to do with sat nav industry.

Navigating has been made easier because of sat nav's - right?

Maybe it depends on the brand. Or where you live. Or if the sun and moon and starts are aligned. Or entering in the address the way the sat nav needs it to be done.

When you've just landed in a new city, and you literally have no idea where you are going, and you don't have a great sense of direction to start with, and short term memory skills are fading fast, sat nav's are on of your Top 10 Best Friends in the Whole Entire World.

I've lost count of the hours spent sitting in the car, ready to go and the sat nav won't accept the address being entered.

Without them you become dependent on other people.

There's no lunch dates (unless some one picks you up)
There's no food in the house (unless you go online and have it home delivered)
There's no kids going over to a friends house after school cos you can't collect them (unless other mum is prepared to bring them home)
You can't go exploring when there's nothing else to do.
What if you need to take the kids to the doctor or worse, A&E (which I had to do yesterday, but that's another chat)
Or get to the airport to pick hubby up (forget it, he can take a taxi)

Of course I'm exaggerating, but only a little.

There have been several times these past few weeks our sat nav is lucky it wan't chucked out the window and stamped on it til it burst into a zillion tiny pieces of plastic and computer chips. Of course then I'd have been totally lost, so to relieve my stress at the constant oh-so-annoying voice saying:
RECALCULATING RECALCULATING
or
TURN AROUND WHEN POSSIBLE
or
GO LEFT, THEN TAKE THE FIRST LEFT, THEN IN 150 YARDS TURN LEFT

I swore and yelled at 'it'.

Years ago a friend suggested John Cleese's voice, as Basil Fawlty would be the perfect voice for a sat nav. Imagine 'which LEFT didn't you understand?" (or am I showing my age by suggesting this?)

On FB today, MrsW commented 'The most common word heard all day was RECALCULATING'
I burst out laughing and could so relate to her frustration. Another one of those YEAH it's not just me moments.

Today I wanted to attend the American Women's Club of Surrey's September meeting. Like the IWCD, today was the first meeting of the year and important for all the newbies who arrived over summer.

The meeting started at 9.30am about 35 minute drive away.

I left school around 8.55am after programming the sat nav with the postcode of where I was heading (love UK postcode system, it's so specific!) and by 9.20am I had gone around in circles, driven up no less than 4 dead-ends, was guided to 3 private roads and ended up back at school.

Can you imagine my frustration?

I texted the lady I was meeting and said I am on my way if the ***** sat nav behaves. She kindly tried to tell me to get onto the A????? then the M????? and I admitted sheeplishly that I wasn't listening and would try one more time. That the ***** sat nav was NOT going to win.

So, I turned the sat nav OFF then ON and re programmed the postcode.

Funnily enough, rather than telling me to turn right from school I was told to turn LEFT ... AHA! Maybe now we'll get to where we want to go.

I made the meeting by 10.27am and fortunately there was still heaps happening (first meetings of the year are always long and full of information)

The sat nav behaved beautifully on the return trip.

Maybe it knows I don't like it and prefer my Google Maps on my Samsung phone and that's why it misbehaves.

As soon as I can pop my UK SIM into G's 'old' Samsung (it's only a year old, and silly me forfeited a new one so he could have the new one) I'll be back to being uber confident with the directions being given to me.

In the meantime, it's going to be lots of deep breaths and swearing.

The great thing tho is of course I made it to the meeting. Of course MrsW made it to where ever she was going.

We are strong, intelligent, independent women on a mission to settle our families regardless of what obstacles  may get in the way.

We will not be beaten.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WORN DOWN BY A SAT NAV?

WHERE?

WHAT HAPPENED?

Ms-havachat about Community - What A Start!

Expat's make friends very quickly.

It's like speed dating.

You met because your kids are in the same class at school, or you have mutual friends from a past adventure who introduce you via email or Facebook, or they are the wives of your husbands work colleagues, or you met at the International Women's Club or the gym, tennis club, running club, pottery class or art course.

You smile, make small talk.

"What! You too?" WOW. Small world, eh?

There's a list of  standard questions that can be a heard all over the globe on the first day of international school as returning parents meet new arrivals over Welcome Coffee Mornings.

• When did you arrive?
• Where are you from?
• How long are you here?
• Do you have Kids?
• How many?
• Age?
• Where are you living?
• Do you have a car?
• Will you be working?
• Who does hubby work for?
• What does he do?
• Does he have to travel?
• Oh, do you know .........?
• Where else have you lived?
• When were you there?
• Oh, do you know .......?
• Are you a member of (insert name of gym or Club)?

If you've played this game you know it's not merely a Q and A session but rather, a very important  conversation that allows each of you to quickly work out if you want to swap phone numbers. It's the beginning of girl dating. 

Thanks to girl dating I've been on a few coffee dates, accompanied MissM on a Friday afternoon play date and been to lunch. Nothing but nothing could have prepared me for last Tuesday.

Last Tuesday morning MrsD phoned and asked if I'd like to join her and MrsW (newbie) on a quick little look-see of her favourite shopping spots in the locale. We met at the school car park and went in one car.

We drove to Egham High Street and had a quick walk around, then to Staines Shopping Centre where we grabbed lunch from Marks and Spencers after a quick look-see at the main bits of the area.

Now, I have had a niggling pain in my hip for a few weeks (yeah yeah) and over the course of a few hours it got worse. My thigh was so painful I could hardly walk. MrsW confessed that she thought I had a limp but didn't recall me limping when we first met a few days before. When MrsD asked me if I was ok, MrsW realised I didn't have a limp but was in pain. By the time I had to collect MissM, I was finding it very difficult to walk and the pain was apparent to others as several mums said 'are you ok'

MrsD saw me and told me to sit down; she grabbed MrsB and asked her if MissM could go home with her as she was taking me to A&E. I drove home. MissM was delighted to have an impromptu palliate and sad I wasn't well and MrsD went home, organised her 3 kids and met me at the hotel.

Three hours later, waiting in A&E, and much bonding was done. I'm sure I talked more than her as the pain was pretty bad. She phoned MrsB and explained we would be hours and could MissM sleep over; she then phoned another mum (I only know her first name) and asked her to collect MissM from school the following day so I could 'rest'.

MrsD and I laughed so hard when she had to help me get undressed and gown up for X-rays. We've met twice in a large group for coffee and now this! The man in the next bed commented on how lovely it was to hear such genuine laughter - we heard thru the curtain he had leukaemia and was worried about a burn he got over the weekend being infected. That stopped us laughing quick smart.

MrsD pushed me in the wheel chair to and from X-ray and out to the car .... if we're not BF's after this I don't know what we are.

After a series of X-rays, and a few push-pull tests there's nothing wrong other than strained muscles (no idea how/when I did that). They gave me super duper pain killers and anti-inflamatory tablets.

On Wednesday afternoon, MrsD met MissM at reception and introduced her to the 'mum' who brought her home; she then kindly offered to collect MissM Thursday and bring her home so I could have two full restful days.

MissM was so kind - asking me if I was ok. I was more concerned about her as I had disappeared and she had spent a night with a family we didn't know and was brought home by someone unfamiliar to her. She took it in her stride and said muma, they are school mums. I was fine. HOW ARE YOU?

WHAT A START!

I'm usually the one offering to help and organise so being on the receiving end from women I have literally only just met was truly incredible.

MrsD has done a few expat stints and kept saying 'its' what we do, we can't rely on the husbands so we have to rely on each other'. Talk about girl power!

Her husband travels more than he is home; MrsW husband is still in their previous home finishing his contract; the other lovely mums husband also travels 'a lot' for work; another mum I met is pretty much a full time single mum as her hubby is based in the UAE and she and the kids are here - they all support each other when ever the needs arises. There's no thank you cards or flowers sent - it's just a given that you do what you can do when you can do it.

Thank goodness G doesn't travel. Though if he did, I know I'm in a great community and would be just fine.

With friendship
x

ms-havachats arriving phase - Home away from Home

Such a pretty entrance.
Stock photo c/Google images.

Look where are are now calling 'home' - the stunning Macdonald Berystede Hotel and Spa. From the moment we drove into the car park and the porter welcomed us and offered to help us with our luggage, we were impressed.

The lobby is old world full on charm. Can just imagine the fires during winter, and people sipping port after a day out'n'about in Surrey.  MissM grinned and said, this is very posh.

My photo of one area of the main lobby near reception which is
tucked away in a corner, out of the way. 

Check-in was swift and friendly.

We walked down the long corridor to our room, and the porter arrived a few minutes later. I always unpack (do you?) regardless of how long we are in a hotel room. G doesn't mind living out of a suitcase, but I can't. As we're here for goodness knows how long, unpacking made sense, even to him.

Oops, forgot to take a photo before we messed up the room.
Here's a stock photo from Google.

We have a twin share room like in the photo. If you google the hotel, you'll see there are some stunning 4-poster beds, and other equally beautiful rooms.

My one pet hate of hotels is there's seldom enough hangers for clothes or shelves/drawers for clothes. The wardrobe here is ample. There's even a fold away ironing board and iron in the room.

G didn't stay here as he flew to Sydney the night we moved in. Shame, he's missing out on the fun of posh hotel living. When we've arrived at a new location we've usually done serviced apartments, or moved straight into our new home. This is the first time we've lived in a hotel while waiting.

It's not convenient in terms of not being able to make MissM's lunch for school (fortunately there's a great canteen at school), or an afternoon snack (she's thoroughly enjoying the menu offered at the lounge area). We found a laundry to wash clothes; and we emptied the mini bar from the fridge and replaced the contents with our own drinks and cheese and cracker snacks from the supermarket (way less expensive).

I recall a new family to Yokohama spent several months in a hotel while looking for the perfect house.  Remember the chat we had yesterday about breathing and being patient ..... this is another perfect example! I'm reminding myself that soon enough we'll be back to reality, so make the most while it lasts.

I've taken a few photos on my phone to share with you:

The bar area. The only negative is you have to walk thru here
to get to the dining room.

The dining room is where we have breakfast and dinner.
The windows to the left overlook the alfresco dining terrace. 

Perfectly set table.

There are lovely comfy lounge areas to sit and eat, drink or just relax. This is where I've spend most mornings this week. Today I sat at the table at the front with the red bench seat facing the windows overlooking the carpark out to the massive trees. 

The colours, the furniture - love it. 

I have an appointment at the Spa for next week; there's an indoor pool, an outdoor hydro-pool, sauna and gym in a separate building.

Indoor Pool - thanks Google images.
No way I could take such a fabulous shot.

The grounds are simply stunning. Tall trees, manicured gardens and lawns. This place would be perfect for a summer garden party or a wedding (of which they host lots).

Looking thru the gardens to the Spa centre.
The building isn't as modern as this pic suggests but
the gardens are this magical.

The complimentary WiFi is easy to use and very reliable throughout the Hotel. We've got multiple devices linked into it. The only negative with the rooms is a lack of power points to charge everything, but we're managing.

There's ample car parking, tho some is a distance from the entrance, so make sure you've an umbrella with you in case of rain. Suggest dropping bags and family members to the main entrance before parking the car when you arrive.

We are very content in our posh, home-away-from-home, tho as lovely as it is to be waited on, not have to shop, cook, clean etc, I can't wait to get into our house ASAP.

We've enjoyed our stay so far and joined 'The Club' loyalty program as the Macdonald Hotel group have hotels all over the UK and a few in Spain. If they are all like this, we'll be regular guests for sure.

For what it's worth, I highly recommend the hotel.

With friendship
x

PS: Please know these comments are all mine, no one else's. I've not been paid for this review or received any form of compensation/reward.  It's simply another chat about the arriving phase of Adventure No5 Part 2.