Keeping In Touch Counts

We all know how it's done in the real world. You phone/text a friend, make a date and meet for coffee or lunch. You spend time chatting, laughing, solving problems and just enjoy hanging out together. Some friends you do this with often, while others might be a once a month/quarter/year event. Either way, you make time to catch up.

In the expat world it's a wee bit different. You email or message a friend (who is, more often than not in another time zone), and offer a few dates/times that suit you, having calculated the time difference and try to establish time for a Skype chat.

There's really no difference - or is there?????????????????

Dublin to Sydney at this time of year is 11 hour behind, which is super easy to coordinate. The months when it's a 9 hour difference is more difficult but can be done.

MissM and I often Skype mum or the in-laws on the way to school in the car from my mobile. It's around 7pm there, so perfect for a quick catchup while we sit in traffic. This time offers MissM a quick, short chat which suits her better these days (what's with kids who can talk your ear off in person but clam up over the phone?)

Earlier this week, my niece in Sydney texted 'are you up? Can we Skype?' It was pretty late for me, but when my niece calls, I answer! We chatted for a while, the line kept freezing and dropping out but we kept reconnecting. It was so lovely. She was lounging on her new bed, we caught on ballet news, school gossip, her latest project. We blew kisses to each other and after 40 minutes hung up.

A few nights ago MrsS whatsapp-ed 'I'll be home in 45 minutes. Is it too late to Skype? It was 8pm my time, so no, not too late at all. I popped the kettle on and we chatted til nearly midnight my time. I didn't care one bit. She has a lot of stuff going on and it was my pleasure to sit and listen and offer up my 2cents worth.

MrsW's in the UK, we have a coffee'n'Skype date for Friday morning. We've blocked out a couple of hours and will sit'n'chat while sipping coffee, thousands of miles apart but in real time chatting and laughing. The only thing missing is the hug hello, so we just smile and wave - a lot.

A friend living in Japan said her grandchild living in New Zealand took a few hours to warm to her and her husband on a trip home. He was maybe 2 years old and kept looking at the computer screen. They worked out that he was possibly confused by seeing all of them and not just their heads on the computer screen - OMG These people are real!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Over the past nine years we've shared Christmas morning and birthday's via Skype with family which fills a void; MissM will regularly show her grandparents artwork or her latest ballet routine on our weekend catchups (which don't happen every weekend by the way but often enough), we'll show off the garden, or a new haircut. We're all in the same room, talking, sharing and that's what counts.

Some friends have very busy lifestyles and with time zones adding to that, it's easier to whatsapp chat. While you might miss their voice, or seeing their face, it's still in real time and that's what counts.

We haven't had a landline for nearly 10 years relying only on Skype (we have a local Sydney number that hardly anyone bothers using), and our mobiles. MissM loves going to her grandparents in Sydney and seeing the TELEPHONE. Imagine her expression when she was an old fashioned phone with the dial and cord attached to the wall.  More and more people are ditching their landlines, don't you think?

People must think we live in our pjs and I never wear makeup because we so often Skype in pj's, with no make up on, or with a pretty top on and pj bottoms. It has everything to do with time zones, and nothing to do with lack of personal care. I'm very well dressed, with makeup and hair done for this mornings Skype catch-up.

I used to think wow, all I've done all day is sit and chat on Skype, but then I think about the days when I'm out'n'about with friends catching up, enjoying each others company, and figure what's the difference?

Chatting with friends is SO IMPORTANT, especially when you don't live close by to take advantage of it.

Keeping in touch counts for so much, especially when you are living so far apart.

So, who you going to call?

Landline? Skype? Whatsapp?

How do you manage Keeping In Touch?

Staying Connected or Disconnecting?

There's been so much talk lately about turning off, or at the very least, reducing our time on social media that it's got me thinking about the time I spend online, or on-phone; what I'm doing and what I cold be doing if I wasn't online.

This one has been doing the rounds on Facebook. It's emotionally brilliant, pulling at our heart strings, making us wonder what are we missing out on? Do we care? What did we do with out technological support every minute of every day?

“This media we call social is anything but, when we open our computers and it’s our doors we shut”… Click here and find out what we're talking about. 

It suggests that because we have our noses in our phones or laptops ALL THE TIME we are missing out on what's going on right in front of us. Maybe that's true. Maybe I've been guilty of it at times but are we as bad as the video makes out? Is it an age thing?

I genuinely believe I use social media to my full advantage. I love having an app on my phone for maps (means finding my way around a new city easy), or dining out, or music. One thing to replace the job of several.

On Facebook, I participate in several groups ranging from a book group, to a photo club, Ikebana groups and the IWCD. Some are public groups where anyone can join and share, while others are closed which means they are invitational only. It's a brilliant, easy way to stay connected with friends who share your interests, or make new ones you'll probably never meet but their passion inspires you.

I tried Pinterest but found it too hard going, while others love it to bits.

LOVE my blogging buddies! A whole new world has opened up for me as an individual and a blogger. How I yearn for thousands of followers worldwide, with numerous comments attached to each blog.

The worst thing I did was add Skype, Facebook and emails to my iPhone. It meant I was always contactable. I didn't like it at first, but like most things, I have no idea how I ever managed without it before. A few friends still live without a mobile (how do they manage?), and MrsP admitted to using her phone as that, a phone. No FB, Skype or emails will be received by her unless she is online - and she's self employed! So what the hell am I doing?????????????????

The first thing I do in the morning is check to see what everyone's been up to while I've been asleep. You see, living in Ireland, with friends in Australia and S E Asia, our time zones aren't conducive to real time conversations, so this is the next best thing. But I'm starting to think, do I have to start my mornings in this way? What would happen if I waited til 9am or even later to find out?

Last year, I consciously decided to leave my phone next to my bed in the morning and not have it with me while making breakfast and school lunches. It was also left in my bag between the time MissM came home from school and the end of homework, so I could focus on her.

Having Skype on my phone is brilliant as MissM and I can call her cousins in Sydney while we drive to school and know we've a good chance of catching them. It's a quick call, a simple HELLO, what's new kinda newsy conversation and is good for the soul. If we waited for the right window of time to benefit everyone, someone has to stay up very late!

Like all technology, emails, texts, voice messages etc can be ignored .... and are, sometimes.

G often referred to FB as Divorce Book until a few months ago, when desperate for more lives on Candy Crush he joined FB and has become an expert in posting comments and threads, LIKING pages, and posting pics of 'stuff'.

I play SCRAMBLE and WORDS WITH FRIENDS with friends in Sydney, Winchester, Tokyo and more recently G, who's either at work, or next to me on the couch.

It's time consuming, and does take me away from where I'm at, but I'm WITH friends, they just aren't with me! When the time zones work in our favor, and we are online at the same time, we chat via messages which is great fun.

Am I ignoring the people I am with? Yes, but not for long. It's no different to taking a phone call, or going out for a few hours, is it?

Another emotive suggestion going around social media is this one

G and I always have our phones with us - I've no idea why I do as I'm not on-call; and with his new role, he's not anymore. Obviously, if MissM's home with a sitter, we have them with us, but do we really need them on the table when the 3 of us are together?

We went for dinner on Saturday night and for 'fun', we didn't pull out our phones. We still chatted as usual, had quiet moments when no one spoke, ate and had a nice night out. We actually don't play games on our phones when we're out'n'about. But they are present.

We've lived thru periods of time when G's phone has rung and he's answered it, interrupting dinner, a movie, he even missed touring the Book of Kells due to a business call he HAD to take.

His role has changed, and this doesn't happen (as often) anymore.

My phone is always with me - in my bag, or in my back pocket, in my hand, or next to me. It's always charged, ready to go  ............... why????????????????

I think my fear is of being uncontactable by family in Sydney if anything happens and we need to be contacted. Imagine, if there's an accident, or worse and they can't contact me/us for hours? They are stressed, we are unknowing.

I guess living in Japan for three years, with earthquakes being a constant threat also meant you needed to be immediately contactable (which in hindsight is silly as all communication stops in natural disasters).

Maybe I'll disconnect just a little bit, it'll probably do me the world of good.

Staying connected is very important, does it really matter HOW we do it?

With friendship
x

Busted! Who? ME? No. WHO? You?

I was raised not to open other people's mail.

It's rude.

You collect the mail and leave it in a prominent position where they can see it when they come home and you leave them to open it in privacy.

Sounds old fashioned, and it might be, but that's how I was raised, and how we are raising MissM. Even when there's snail mail for her, we don't open it. We give it to her, and allow her space to open it in in private, and then she can choose to share with us what's inside.

G seldom opens mail, even tho 98% of the snail mail is for him - what I should say is addressed to him. It's just something as an expat wife you get used to. THEY have the job, THEY get a different visa status, THEY get the mail.

It's one of a handful of tiny weeny things he does that annoy me. Every so often, I remind him there's a build up of mail, and offer to open it and sort it out for him (my clairvoyant in Sydney told me I'd be 'like an administrative assistant or private secretary to my future husband' so I'm cool with this role). I stack things in their neat little piles, sometimes attach post-it-notes with questions on them and file the rest.

One such piece of mail arrived a few weeks ago, addressed to G. It was a plain enough envelope, with a Dublin return address printed on the top left hand corner. But it looked official.

He didn't open it (or several other pieces) for a week or so.

I texted him to ask if I could, as he hadn't and he said sure.

My heart started to race.

OMG - BUSTED.

I have to make this disappear.

Quickly.

Quietly.

What a waste of money.

A speeding ticket!

I saw the street and time and thought OMG I've been busted speeding on the way to school.

I've never had a speeding ticket before - E-V-E-R!

Quick.

Great, I can pay it in cash at the Post Office.

I filled in form, grabbed some cash and went to the PO on my way to collect MissM from school.

The woman at the PO took the form and my debit card and started to process the payment. Phew,  thought - G will be none the wiser. Now, there'd be no bother if G knew, and I'd probably end up telling him at some point, but OMG a speeding ticket! He's always banging on at me to slow down.

OH OH! The 'system' wouldn't accept the details or payment as I wasn't G and the fine was in his name.

BUSTED!

I had to confess my sins and get him to go to the Garda (police) and have them reissue the fine in my name.

After dinner that night, I gingerly told him my story to which he started to roar with laughter. Now, those of you who know G know he doesn't often roar with laughter, but trust me he did.

It was HIS FINE!

He'd been busted on the way back from a meeting in the city ..... he'd been to the Garda because he's on his Australian liscence.

BUSTED! He, Mr Oh-So-Careful-Driver, Seldom-speeds-driver got busted for speeding. While I, daughter of a racing driver, Ms Speedy did not.

He then asked me why I was feeling so guilty .... GUILTY? ME?????????

Yes - the fine was addressed to him. Why did I think it was mine?

Because it was it was a week day at 2.43pm and i was probably running late for pick up. Because so little of anything is in my name these days, that I thought the car was in yours, afterall his car is a company car so anything like that would go to him c/ work (wouldn't it?).  I prattled on for a few minutes and his laughter got louder and louder so I stopped.

What's so funny I asked?

YOU! You are! he said with a huge smile.

There you were, running around town, with cash and a completed form ready to pay your way to a free conscious (mind you, he did want to know how long I thought I could hold out not telling him) and it was my fine all along.

He's right - I would have confessed. I always do (not that I do that much wrong LOL)

But the funniest thing of all is HE GOT BUSTED, not me.

With friendship
x

4 More Sleeps 'Til School starts

MissM's new school is certainly starting in fine style.

We're receiving information via email for NEW FAMILIES in small batches a couple of times a day. It's not annoying, but rather useful pieces of information in enough detail that you feel informed and not overwhelmed.

Today, as promised, we received the email from the Music Department outlining all there is to know about what's on offer, when, what you need to provide, what school provides, teachers contact details, timetable of lessons, price list for group and individual classes, during and after school options, registration process, payment requirements .... for the first time in a long time, I can't think of one question!

MissM is delighted she can continue her singing lessons, tho the school choir is for year 4 onwards which is a shame, but gives her another 12 months to mature into performing.

The information for Extra Cirricular Activities was just as informative. MissM squealed when she read Drama was available. I'm happy that swimming lessons are offered, and there is an option to do ballet too. I've emailed the ballet teacher to ask about RAD (Royal Academy of Dance) examination options before committing her.

We have even been sent a note introducing her to her teacher! His profile is on the school website, so she's been able to see him before meeting next week.

The information for parents in terms of Coffee Mornings (one of my favourite things), the Annual Dinner and other relevant dates has been received and entered into my trusty iPhone and backed up in my ol' fashioned pen'n'paper diary.

We put MissM's name stickers on her 14 text/work books last night and she had a quick peek inside each book (first time she's shown any interest in them).

I'm about to heat up the iron to iron on her name tags to clothes (check out Stuck on You for brilliant name tags and other fabulous stuff). Another clever Australian company that ships overseas!

Amongst all this happiness and satisfaction I can't help but feel anxious for MissM.

She's talked about how she feels about starting over A-G-A-I-N with friendships, how sad she is not to be starting year 4 with her friends in Kings Worthy, she's scared no one will like her (goodness knows where this is coming from, as she's never had a problem making and keeping friends), she's asked lots of questions about bullies, and we've talked about being different, and what's important.

This is her 5th school and she's only just turned 9.

It's not unlike your first day at a new job. New people, names to remember, slightly different ways of doing things, different policies and procedures. Even remembering where the loo's are or the canteen/cafeteria (what will they even call it?) is daunting.

I remember chatting the day we dropped her to school in Kings Worthy - we didn't know a soul, didn't go there by recommendaiton, and yet we kissed her on the cheek and hugged her at 8.15am and picked her up at 4.10pm and asked, 'did you have a great day?' it's absurd when you think about it.

Yet, here we go again this week.

My hope for MissM this time round is that she continues to be happy at school, that she makes a few good meaningful friends, that the teachers find what makes her tick, and allow her to be that person; that they guide her in a caring and kind way to where she needs to be, and that along the way they have fun, that she rises to challenges, tries lots of new things and maybe discover she likes some of what she tries, that she's the best MissM she can be.

It's what we all want for our kids, right.

With friendship
x

Change For Good

A few weeks ago, maybe longer, I had a lovely (and emotional) coffee'n'chat with MrsH, an Aussie, who's lived in the USA and now down the road. They left Sydney about 12 years ago, and have bought a house in a delightful village and they are here for now.

The timing was perfect. I was really struggling with the long hours G was working, I missed his company at night, and MissM was missing him and taking it out on me. In protest of his long hours, I subconsciously stopped cooking dinner, as he never knew what time he’d be home. We’d grab whatever was easy depending on the hour. Pulling things from the freezer and popping them into the oven was the norm. We were eating anytime from 8.30pm onwards unless it was so late, he’d grab something on the way home.

This was not what we were used to, not how we wanted to live. It was taking a toll on us in many ways.

Our conversation quickly moved onto our own experiences of moving around the world, and ending up in Greater Winchester, the various coping mechanisms we use to fit  in, how we keep busy, make friends,  difference with one child vs 3 and more.

She’s flat out with 3 kids at three different schools and a husband who travels constantly. Her friends are in the village where they live, she plays tennis twice a week, and that’s about it.  

Asking her how she copes with 3 kids at 3 different schools and a husband who is away a lot, she simply said, I have to. She shared with me some tough love lessons about being the mother of three school aged kids, and the wife to someone who’s rarely home.

She eats dinner with the kids every night. If her husband is home to eat with them great, if not, there’s a plate in the fridge ready for him to heat up when he gets home. She’s in bed no later than 9.30pm. OMG that’s so early – it has to be she said quite matter of factly, otherwise I’m too tired to cope.

Other friends in similar situations are so used to their husbands being away that when they are home it’s a (lovely) bother. Some friends have said it’s easier when they are away; the house and kids seem to flow better.  One friend tallied up her husbands business trips to just over 6 months in one year!

Timing is everything when it comes to life lessons, and for me, the AHA Moment happened at this point in time. Several friends might read this and think 'what? We've had the same conversation!?' 

And we have. And I did listen. The circumstances weren't right for me to act.

While G’s home late, he’s home. Obviously this transition period of him working/living in Dublin Monday – Friday will end as soon as we all move in August. It’s learning to cope with the long hours that needed my attention.

There have been some huge changes in my life; all were life lessons (some more than others). One of the biggest changes in my life was the based in theory, and change management practices, and teams and helped me understand CHANGE was when I was on the management team at News Ltd in Sydney, launching NewsColor to the newspapers.

• CHANGE has phases.
• CHANGE needs to have buy-in from all concerned parties.
• CHANGE needs to move in the same direction.
• CHANGE is a team effort.
• CHANGE needs to be thought out well.
• CHANGE needs agreement from all parties involved for it to be truly successful.
• CHANGE is a lot of fun.
• CHANGE is constant.

Sometimes CHANGE is thrust upon you and you simply aren't ready for it. The breakdown of a relationship, a death of a loved one, an international move, being made redundant at work, dealing with growing kids, aging parents, moving house, gosh, just simply day-to-day life is full of change – all these (and more) are changes that we simply have to deal with.

Some changes are more like challenges. Apparently these ones make us stronger.

Some changes teach us lessons. These ones give us wisdom that we didn’t have before.

Some changes are brought on by ourselves for we were foolish beforehand.

Numerous friends are corporate single mums Monday – Friday and I’ve always admired how they just get on with things. The husbands simply fit back into the family’s lives and not the other way round. But it’s just as MrsH said – and the time was right for me to listen and learn. This sounded a bit rude to me at first, but now I get it (this is the lessons learned type of change, so good change)

I knew before G completed his first week away that MissM and I needed to re-evaluate our week to see how we’d best manage ( I was scared we’d fail miserably)

We talked about some of the things we could do together to make our time fun. MissM suggested we cook and eat dinner together every night.

Homework/bath/dinner/bed is more streamlined – tho not sure why as G was never home for this bit. Maybe I’m more committed to MissM being in bed promptly so I can be in bed early. Maybe we’re managing the changes around us really well and it’s just working!

MaMaybe we’re being normal, cos we can. Maybe this is what having a nearly 9 year old is all about.

I am taking advantage of going to bed early while G’s in Dublin. I’m hoping it will be my ‘thing’ by the time we move. Lights out by 11pm (that’s early for me) mid week. So far so good! I’m not so tired, which is already a bonus.

In Japan, G would be home at a reasonable hour, see MissM before or at bedtime, and we’d cook dinner and eat, then if he needed to work, he’d do so from home. We’d have a coffee together, and he might grab an hour of TV to relax, before going back to it.

I miss those nights. So does he. We hope to regain them.

Obviously as he climbs the corporate ladder things change. I’m not that naïve.

Obviously as MissM gets older, things change. I’m not that naïve.

It’s not that I want things to stay the same it’s just that they’ve changed so much, so quickly and there’s been limited opportunity for me to keep up.

So for now, we (MissM and I) are coping with the CHANGE thrust upon us as a family by changing the way we do things to suit the new situation.

CHANGE is constant and needs involvement and agreement from all parties.

It’s not ideal, but we are managing and the most importantly, we are all happier than we’ve been for months.

With friendship

x

Growing up in your parents eyes

We all know if you nurture a plant, give it water and sunshine it grows into a taller, healthy plant. Some people think if you play your plants gentle music, and talk to them they will grow even taller and be happier and healthier.

If you ignore a plant, and simply let whatever rain falls water it, and what ever sunshine happens to touch it's leaves do so, that there's a chance it will grow but not as fast or happily as the one nurtured.

The same is said for children.

As a parent, we know we need to give our kids more than just love and cuddles tho that's a great place to start. We need to feed and educate them, to be role models of right and wrong, of ethical behaviour, about etiquette and how to behave in all manner of social situations, how to handle peer pressure, when to say NO, and when to say yes.

We want them to be able to be independent adults, to know how to make educated decisions about lifestyle choices, to be self sufficient, to love themselves and be loved, to know when and how to walk away from a bad situation with your held high.

To know when to say sorry, and how to accept an apology.

There's so much a parent is responsible for when raising a child.

However, at some point in time the parents job is done - the child is an adult and their personality and character is set. This milestone happens in different families at various times but one would agree that usually by the time our children are 18 years of age, give or take, that they are an adult and while they might ask us for help, guidance, advice they will ultimately do their own thing.

We all want to be friends with our kids - and when they want to be your friend, it's a tribute to how you've handled the endless hours of conversations, been there to listen to them, giggled with them and cried with/for them.

My FIL is a pain the bum.

He has not accepted that G is a man, half of a household, a father, a senior manager in a global organization, responsible for millions of dollars of projects ....... he's moved us to 3, soon to be 4 countries successfully and managed us thru an earthquake.

I find it embarrassing and humiliating listening to the endless dumb-ass questions.

Have you put air in your tyres?
Have you read the lease to know what you have to do when letting them know you are leaving?
Don't forget to let school know you are moving.
How will you manage the banking when you move?
Do you need someone expert to read over your contract to make sure it's ok?
Don't forget there's an election in Australia - will you need to put in an absentee vote?
Do you need to loo before we leave the house?

MIL and FIL have been out today, and it was nice to just be the 3 of us. From the minute they've come back, FIL hasn't stopped talking despite MissM and G being engrossed in a movie and I'm on the laptop sorting thru pics of Barcelona.

I wonder if FIL has an issue with peace and quiet?

He reckons MissM talks a lot! That's hilarious!

I can't think of any more but each one makes me want to scream OMG leave him alone!

He's a grown man!
He's not a child!

G just ignores his father.

He doesn't pull faces, or engage in conversation which might be why FIL asks so many questions. Maybe it's his way of drawing out a conversation with his son.

It's the same when we skype.

I'm listening to the questions, watching G ignore FIL or provide very short answers which borders on being rude, and wonder which came first?

As a parent, we are partly responsible for the way in which our kids turn out, so why does FIL do what he does?

G is a good man, a wonderful husband and father, a loyal friend, (tho he is very selective on who he lets into his inner circle), a solid and reliable employee, he's not perfect by any stretch but I would think one would be proud to be his parent.

I wonder if FIL is proud, but doesn't know how to show it or if he can see how independent and successful G is without him, and his questions are his way of being connected, being involved.

My mum was the same when she was here, so maybe it's not them but us.

Maybe we've been away too long now to know how to communicate and include our parents in things. We have to make decisions together, without outside influence so maybe their questions are normal and something we need to get used to.

I'm not sure.

All I know right now, is that I really wish for FIL to see G as the man he is, and not the child he was.

With friendship
x

So This Is How If Feels

For some reason, while using FB on my iPhone last night, as I do ALL THE TIME, the app just closed.

I've obviously changed my password to one I've never ever used before cos I can't get back into my FB app on my phone. FB's links to fixing passwords ain't working (for me at least) so I haven't even been able to attempt to fix it. I've even written down all the variations of the passwords I usually use and entered them one by one to no avail.

I'm scared YES SCARED if I close FB on my laptop I'll never be able to access my friends and their news again unless I set up a new account and have to start over.

IMAGINE!?!?!?!?!?

I've got several years of my life and friends lives invested in FB.

I'm one of the rare folk who would be more than happy to pay a monthly fee to FB so long as they stopped mucking around with my privacy settings, and making unnecessary changes.

It's such a life line to the outside world!

My FRIENDS are on FB!

As most of us live thousands of miles from each other, FB is our permanent link to each other. We can meet up once every 5 years (as I'm doing in a few days in Dublin) and will be able to pick up a conversation because of the chats, photos and more we've shared on FB.

The friends who live up the road are busy so we keep in touch in between face-to-face time on FB.

Sadly we don't send cards anymore, but you still get to wish a friend happy birthday, or congratulations when they share good news, or write them a private message when times are tough.

FB is a habit, and yes, I am probably addicted to it.

I know I use it way too much.

I know I probably rely on it way too much to keep in touch.

I know I sometimes share way too much, but hey, that's just me.

Having lost FB off my iPhone I am wondering do I need it back or merely want it back - does the world have to see a pic of me at lunch when I'm actually there? Do they need to know at 3.58pm we were leaving such'n'such a place? Do I need to know every couple of hours what friends are up to? Can't it wait til I'm home?

FB is an odd phenomena that has over taken our, OK, my life but it's a good addiction, at least in my opinion tho i did read that FB is loosing millions of users a month according to many.

The thought of starting over with a new social media isn't attractive at all - it's like changing your bank, or private health insurer.

Do you access FB from your phone? WHY? How often?

Do you think you'd manage without it?

Any suggestions on how I can retrieve it would be most grateful as the withdrawal is already awful for me at least,


With friendship
x

Inspired

Not sure what's going on but I've got chat topics coming at me from every direction.  Safely filed as 'ms-havachat conversations' they are partially written, being reworked over and over, waiting for the right time to post.

My late Uncle Jack used to keep a pen and notebook at his bed side table to capture those AHA moments just as he fell asleep. Better to be written down than forgotten during the night, or worse still, keep you awake he'd say. When I was working in advertising I did the same - and it works. There are times when life gets busy that I still do it, and it still works.


Inspiration comes from all sorts of places, any time, anywhere and you have to be ready to catch it.

The blogs I follow promote thought.
There's amazing posts on FB that friends share.
There are 'situations' to comment on - both good and not-so-good.
There's LOTS of observations of the different ways people live and behave.
There's the feeling of keeping in touch with you on a regular basis.
There's a desire to be like some of the really great bloggers I follow, to have 'LOTS' of followers, and turn this into a job as well as a pleasurable hobby.
There's the day to day musings of an expat.
There's constant change.

You'd laugh if you knew how many chats get written then deleted.

You'd cringe at some of the words that end up on the screen and then get deleted.

You'd be amazed at the ways in which YOU capture my imagination during a Skype chat, or an email.

A song, a photograph, a memory jumps into my head and I turn the laptop on to record the thoughts just in case there's more to be added later.

My goal is not to bore you with day to day trivia, or shove my opinions towards you.

My goal, maybe even my need is to stay connected, ensuring ensure friends remain part of our life even tho we are thousands of miles apart. For new friends that will never meet in person, and to expats that have found ms-havacht, my goal is to help you in any way I can engage in each and every adventure you have.

A big thank you to every one and every thing that inspires me.

What or who inspires you?

With friendship
x

ssshhhhh! it's still a secret

This morning there were 3 text messages, and one email all asking the same question where's THERE and YONDER'

It's really pleasing to know that there are friends taking time to read ms-havachat as I really enjoy writing each chat. Once again, THANK YOU!

THERE and YONDER are still a secret as there's no way I want to jinx either one, however, talking about them even in loose terms is very helpful, as there's no one close by who would really understand the 'guess what' of the texts G received, or the call to action we're experiencing.

Even in an expat community you tend to keep this phase quiet - when we were leaving Japan for here, we couldn't say anything public until contracts were signed because there were so many families at school with the same company that if word got back who knew what the ramifications might have been. Of course people in Sydney knew and BF's in Japan knew - gosh, I can't keep that quiet!

The chatter about who's leaving when and where they are going is always fun tho. It usually starts around April/May as most people opt to leave over summer so they can settle into their new home and be ready for school to start in Sept (talking northern hemisphere obviously)

FB is great for keeping up with who's moving where and when. Love receiving messages saying 'not sure if you know but so-and-so-family is moving to Timbuktu. Don't say anything til they announce it on FB'

The vast network of friends and acquaintances that very quickly builds up happens because of this migration of human beings.

Friends used to live here, now live there, and you knew someone from there that lived here so they should meet for coffee.

The other interesting observation is people's reactions - both those who are leaving, and those being left.

MrsK shared with me her experience years ago - she landed in Tokyo and started to make friends thru school. She eventually found herself in a regular group and noticed that one lady who was very open and welcoming at first had become cold and, well rude. Ignoring people generally, not being involved in things. MrsK was concerned and asked if something was wrong, was the woman unwell, had she had bad news, could they help? The answer was a simple everything's fine other than they are leaving ...... she's not recruiting, she's getting ready to go (in 3 months)

This woman had decided because they were moving onto a new adventure that she was 'checking out' of the current one, not 'recruiting' new friends, and pulling back from activities ....... the other side of the same situation is that the person leaving keeps engaged in what's going on around them but the people who are not moving on, close ranks, start to exclude the one leaving, learn to cope without them around.

I've seen both happen and still don't really understand either.

We hang on to what's going on around us til we leave for the airport and we hang onto friends well, forever .....

Not being in an expat community has been fraught with all sorts of issues which I'll probably feel more comfortable chatting about once we've moved on but what I do know is that no one here will understand the phone call/offer/going/not going/back on/oops of it all, so no point talking about it.


Update:

'He' phoned G back yesterday with approval for the type of contract being offered (the company has several different expat contracts depending on the country you are from and where you are heading to). It's a very pleasing contract, but it's still not in writing and there's still the issue of a written job spec. Can't accept a job without knowing what the job is, right?

The people from YONDER haven't replied to G's last email. G has given what little he knows about it some thought and has a lot of questions to ask, before doing any more considering, so I've also stopped doing my research.


It's funny, as in funny weird not funny HA HA that I can share with you what's going on but we've not told our parents or immediate family that we 'might' be moving. It wont' be a surprise to any of them, however, THERE and YONDER are not close to Sydney but they do offer excellent travel opportunities!

As Mum often says, who knew I'd live in Dublin for 3 months, spend 6 weeks in Japan and return to England - she often asks G where's next, and if it's ok if she starts saving to visit.

We've decided now we know there's a very good chance we'll be moving onto Adventure No 4 soon, that we need to focus on a few things:

• Prioritize our UK Bucket List to ensure we do the things we really want to do in terms of tourist experiences. The fact that the weather is improving, and G's parents are here means we'll do a lot anyways, and the long summer vacation helps too.
• Finish the photo albums from Japan - I've never been so behind in album work. 
• Finalize the UK photo albums - doing them online which is easier.
• Go thru the house with a eager eye and de-clutter (not that we have that much left to declutter, but I'm sure I'll find a few things)
• Make a list of what to sell depending on if we go  (a) THERE or (b) YONDER as each destination is very different and housing opportunities will be different.
• I need to focus on my pottery as there's a few specific Ikebana vases I'd like to create.

At the end of the day, like most things, there's only a few ways this 'thing' will go.

Both offers will fizzle out, or we'll decline both of them (doubtful!)
One offer will fizzle out, leaving only one to consider..
Two will be worthy of consideration and we have the luxuary of choosing.

We're quietly hoping that G's signing contracts sooner rather than later so MissM can finish the school year out here, plus G's parents are here mid May - early August and we can move over summer to start the new school year either THERE or YONDER.

But please remember, it's still a secret,

With friendship
x