ms-havachat's blogging is back - HELLLOOOOOOOOO!

Hello Dear Friend,

Hope you are well! It's been ages since we chatted. How's things?


WOW, time flies right?

I would like to apologise for the long and unexplained absence these past few months. Nothings wrong. The words just didn't flow. ms-havacaht on Facebook has filled the void as it's been somehow easier to type out a '30 second sound bite' than write an essay.

Do you follow me on Facebook, or just here at the blog?

Why not do both? Love your company. Here's the link. Look forward to seeing you there.


So, what have you been up to these past couple of months (I know, MONTHS!) Our last chat was back in early April! But as we're friends, you know that we'll simply pick up where we left off and it'll be like yesterday when we sat and chatted.

Are you curious about what I've been doing that's stopped the flow of words from my head thru my fingers onto the laptop? Hope so, cos here it comes, in no apparent order:

• Nominated interim president of the expat women's club
• Steep and fast learning curve about the club, the policies and procedures in order to run board meetings, host general meetings, prepare for AGM, answer questions, and be available to 14 board members.
• Honoured to be voted in as President for the new year, and the learning curve got even steeper if that's possible. 
• Been on a few lovely guided walks in London boroughs (not called suburbs), enjoyed a couple of delicious lunches. 
• Tween has had a few tween issues with friends. Boy did that take a lot of hugs and chats. So proud of tween in how she's handled things. Hopefully it's all behind them now.
• Hubby's been away for business a lot! But we're ok with it. Monday - Friday are full, afternoons are busy and sometimes cheese on toast for dinner and a glass of wine, followed by binge watching TV is all a girl needs.
• Talking of bing watching
• Big Little Lies! WOW! Have you seen it? What did you think? If you haven't you absolutely must!
• Tween and I started to watch Gilmore Girls from the very beginning. At times Laurali and Rory and the parents are so frustrating, but it's great tween/mum time on a rainy afternoon.
• 13 Reasons Why. It's not really something you'd rush to watch, but it is worth watching. From a parents perspective is frightening! It's a great piece for opening conversations with mid-late teens. Social media, and how we treat people is so easily abused by younger generations. Some kids know exactly what they are doing while others innocently do what other's are doing; they don't think about consequences. MrsJ watched it and I was shocked (Based on nothing more than what i'd heard about it) She suggested I watch it - how relatable it was on so many levels, how easy it is for things to get out of hand, be misunderstood, for someone to be hurting and keep it quiet. 
• There's been Formula 1 racing with Hubby on weekends to watch.
• And the news! OMG. The news. As you know, I'm a news junkie but I find myself pulling away, not wanting to know anymore (you the same?)
• We've been in a sort of expat Limboland these past few months waiting on the announcement for the tender Hubby's involved with - we figured in our minds, if they lost, we'd be gone (along with others); if they won then there's a better chance of staying one more year pending re-negotiations of contract which expire in November. FUN and GAMES.
• That got me started thinking about 'the move' even tho there wasn't one confirmed.
• Started purging; researched boot sales (they don't do garage or yard sales in the UK, at least not here); 
• popped a few things online for sale (a few went, most didn't)
• Started making The List of Things To Do pre-move (for a move that is not happening)
• Took full advantage of lovely mornings and went for walks with friends. Did one on my own - same route, seemed to take f-o-r-e-v-e-r without company. Podcast kept dropping out as the wifi kept dropping.
• Read a few books.
• Started using our English Heritage membership on a Sunday and went for long drives to walk around grand mansions or fabulous ruins followed by a pub lunch. Highly recommend it. Gets everyone off their electronic devices!
• Invested time in researching online photo album sites to no avail. I love and miss mypublisher.com  more than I can bare - so much so, I'm years behind which is making the search even more frustrating. 
• Love my mornings at home with a cup of coffee, Skyping for hours with a friend. It can so easily reach lunchtime and all I've done is chat and sip. I highly recommend it! Makes friends feel not so far away - you'd be chatting and sipping in a cafe or at home anyways, so doing it online is (nearly) the same. We so often solve world problems and help each other too, as well as catch up with family life and 'stuff'.
• Bought a walking machine from a friend. It's in the garage. I use if when it's yucky weather and can't walk outside. I really bought it for Hubby so he can get 15 mins of movement in a day - he's walked on it once. Not sure I'll keep it much longer. 
• Have had lots of home-alone days which in the beginning were frustrating but I have to admit, I've grown to enjoy them. There's something naughty and indulgent about being home. When the house is clean, the washings done, ironings away etc it's very lovely to relax amongst it all. 
• There are times over the past few months when I've felt maybe the Monster from Winchester was returning, teasing me when it felt it could get a swipe in. I'm taking care of myself and feel confident I know the signs. 
• OH! I also finished on the school parents board. The person replacing me is going to be terrific! 

So all that's been stopping me blogging is me :) 

If I said 'writers block' would that sound more official, more acceptable? Maybe I should delete all of the above and simply say 'writers block'.

The next hurdle is 'this time of year' aka farewell season as friends get ready to leave for new adventures or repatriation. Maybe it's the annual routine. Maybe it's the fact we know what it's like to be the ones' leaving AND staying, and sometimes leaving is so much more fun as in it's exciting to be heading off on a new adventure vs one-more-year.

Staying means a long summer, kind-of; it means saying hello to a lot of newbies, getting to know them, making a couple of new friends, thinking you've a friend when you don't, missing hanging out with friends who have moved on and are settling in so communication isn't as frequent; waiting out the year til it's your turn to be the one leaving.

There's much to be said about living in the family home for 20+ years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While writing this I realise that maybe there's more to my writers block ......... 10 years an expat and you come to accept so much is repetitive while so much is unknown. Maybe I'm ready to just settle? Maybe I'm over moving and starting over. Maybe there's not much more to be said and if I just blog about personal stuff it's more like a diary and I'm sharing way too much and the reason for the blog in the first place is lost in self indulgence.

I could simply go back thru the archives and rehash, maybe update the 'pre summer' blog themes, cos really they don't change - people moving on, people arriving, making friends, sharing summer holiday ideas and tips, maybe even a few photos of what we get up to. The first day of school chats, orientation, suggestions on getting involved, making friends, girl-dating etc.

Groundhogs day for expats.

How's your summer shaping up?
What plans do you have?
If it's winter where you are, how are you coping?


Promise to chat with you here more often, and I hope you'll join us over on Facebook.

With friendship
x

ms-havachat's on the move - Signing UP and Signing OUT

Love these littles guys on Google Images

We've entered the TRANSITION phase of international moving.

The time when you SIGN UP while SIGNING OUT.

Thankfully there are so many helpful 'local' websites, ready to aid in assimilating to your new area. You just need to make the time to Google Search various subjects and BAM! information overload.

So far, I've SIGNED UP to two local community closed groups on Facebook which promote local activities, markets and special events in the area we'll be living. It's a lively group and we already feel connected in a weird way.

Naturally, the local tourism websites are also valuable finds - the greater surrounding area is so pretty, with lots of history to learn, places to discover, and things to do on weekends.

As I hope to be back'n'forth to London mid-week, I've rejoined various Facebook pages and websites for galleries and theatres, museums and National Trust.

While SIGNING UP and getting excited about what's to come, it's sad to SIGN OUT of Dublin based Facebook pages and groups and remove my name from various email lists.

I'll really miss Dublin Free Event Guide, it's an amazing feat of love and commitment from one man. We've had some very enjoyable days out thanks to the Guide.

Menuepages.ie is helpful in sourcing a new place to eat. The ability to book online, review and earn points to spend in restaurants is a good concept (imagine if TripAdvisor did that - rewarded you with real points to spend in real places for quality reviews)

The OPW Card is a great investment, encouraging us to get out'n'about and see some amazing sites Ireland has to offer.

MissM received a few gift vouchers, and G has won a few, so we've been shopping a bit more than usual spending them. MissM bought herself a lovely bracelet with a clover on it, to remind her of Ireland.

The SIGNING OUT reminds me that we've had a great time in Dublin (again).

The SIGNING UP reminds me that we're going to have a great time in Surrey.

If you are moving try to keep a balance on what you are leaving and where you are going. While you don't need your inbox or FB feeds to be full of stuff that is irrelevant, it's nice to be reminded of how helpful they were - you never know who might need to know about them!


With friendship
x

ms-havachat's on the move: Getting Organised For Moving Day

Thanks again Google Images. You make life so easy.

There's a lot of deja vu going on around here these past few weeks as we get ready for our 5th international move in 9 years. It's not as many or often as some people, but more than others. Thank goodness we improve each time, learning from mistakes and sometimes making new ones, but not often.

If you've been following ms-havachat for a while you might have gathered I'm a pretty organised person, and the house is usually tidy. But it needs to be super organised and tidy for a move. Several packers come in at once, with boxes and tape and crates, each one goes into a different room and starts packing whatever they see.

I've learnt that everything needs to be in it's place, presented in the way you want it delivered at the other end for a chance that it arrives in one piece. We've only had a few insurance claims on things that have broken or been damaged in moves, and it's because the packer wasn't thinking. It's devastating to see an ornament broken or a piece of furniture scratched or worse, because someone didn't take care.

So much of the move is out of my control as I am unable to pack as it negates the insurance, so here's a quick helpful guide to Getting the House Organised before a move which are things I can control.

• Cupboards
• Kitchen
• Remove everything from the cupboard and wipe/spray clean the entire cupboard.
• Lay down paper towel before replacing items.
• Food cupboards
1. Check with your moving company what you can/can't take
2. If they can't help, check online with embassy or customs
3. Throw out anything that has expired or is close to expiring (depending on how long the transit is)
4. Toss or give to a friend, the 'last bits' of stuff, especially oils and oil based products. If these leak OMG it's a mess. 
5. Ensure everything that's opened is very securely sealed closed. 
6. To save on space, pop things into plastic ware (they are going with you so might as well be filled with food or other items to save space - I fill several plastic ware containers with decorative pebbles from vases and candle holders or MissM's beading stuff)
7. Keep an eye on what you really need to buy from the supermarket the week/s before moving. It's amazing what condiments you can do with out for a while.
• Laundry/Utility Room
1. Repeat Steps 1 - 5
• Bathroom
1. Repeat Steps 1 and 2 especially for medicines. 
2. Check expiry dates of medicines you are allowed to take with you 
3. Depending on where you are going, you might want to buy a few more bottles of Calpol or Panadol, especially for the kids; friends also recommend tampons or sanitary pads are a good investment; make up (never know what skin tones will be available where you move to)
4. Moving is a great time to purge all the bits'n'bobs of make up and other items we tend to collect over time. 
5. Work out which items you'll take with you and which items can be packed for the shipment (again, this probably depends on how long your shipment will take to get to you)
6. Donate any bits'n'bobs to a local women's shelter.
• Linen/Press
1. Moving is the perfect time to sort thru the sheets, towels etc and make sure you have complete sets, without holes or loose elastics. 
2. Donate what you are discarding to local vet or animal shelter. They are always in need of this sort of thing for bedding. 

• Fridge/Freezer
1. Repeat Steps 1-5.
2. Don't buy any more food, other than eggs, milk etc until the contents of fridge/ freezer are eaten. You might be preparing a little bit of this and a little bit of that but that's ok. It's better than throwing it out.
3. Keep to a strict shopping list in the week/s leading up to the move.
4. Make sure you invite a few friends over, with their freezer bags the night before the packers come and give them your left over foods, condiments etc. Or organise to donate to a local food charity.
5. Once fridge/freezer is empty, give it a really good washing out (read instructions as the way to clean might vary from manufacturer)
6. If you are renting, check with landlord if they want the fridge/freezer left on or not. 

• Wardrobes
• Depending on the age of your kids, they can do this themselves, otherwise you'll need to help them (and a lot of patience if they are teens)
• Keep a large donation bag open and fill it with stuff the kids have grown out of, or don't wear anymore, or simply don't like. Same goes for you. If you haven't worn it for 2 years or more, get rid of it. 
• Shoes too!
• Coats. Hats. Gloves. Scarves. Sports clothes/items.
• Toss odd sox, wholly ones too. 
• Toys'n'Games
• Moving is a great opportunity to purge the games that the kids have outgrown, or simply no longer play. (We give ours to MissM's old Montessori or donate them to the kids hospital)
• If you are downsizing, or moving to colder climates think about trampolines, outdoor toys etc (we recently gave MissM's sand'n'water table to friends who have 3 kids under 6. They love it and she's over the moon)
• Undo all the made up Lego into ziplock bags with the instruction book so you can easily make them back up.
• Same with those funky ball shaped puzzles. 
• Ziplock bags are brilliant for packing up beading, jigsaw puzzles (image the box if coming off and the pieces going everywhere?), colouring in pencils/pens/markers etc. 
• Bubble wrap the kids special pieces in their room and set aside so the packers can see them before boxing them up.
• Probably best to give paints to a friend, save them exploding in transport. 
• Sticky tape game box lids down so they don't open and you loose pieces. 
• Garage/Attic/Basement
• These places tend to be dumping areas for things you can't find a place for, or use annually.
• Visit a Howards Storage or specialist organisational shop (there are so many different ones) and invest in storage solutions with lockable lids, in various sizes as these (a) last longer (b) protect your things.
• Christmas decorations, Halloween, Easter etc should all be boxed and labelled accordingly. Don't mix the contents as it's easier to grab the box/es you need.
• Sentimental stuff from the kids need to be packed very well to protect from mould and mildew. If you move often as we do, you really need to be very specific in what you keep. 
• Make sure you are keeping only those tools that work, the fresh batteries etc. We don't have a typical garage of stuff so I've really no idea what to suggest other than make sure the stuff works and you need it.
• Our attic is our storage, so other than making sure we still need what's up there, we keep schlepping it around with us.
• If you do use these areas as dumping grounds, then you might have to set aside a fair bit of time and go thru everything and make some tough decisions. 

• A few lessons learned over the years:
• Take photos of ALL your furniture so you can prove any damage in transport
• Take photos of ALL your jewellery, artwork, coffee table books etc to prove you actually own them in case things go missing or are broken.
• Write down the serial numbers and take photos of major items like TV's etc (a friend had 3 TV's when they left their home, and only 1 turned up - the removalists had written 3 TV's on the inventory but the same serial number ... when you're presented with 10+ pages of inventory to sign off, you don't check these things. They had no recourse on insurance)
• Create an inventory of CD's, and DVD's etc
• Take ALL important papers (marriage certificate, birth certificates, mortgage papers, wills etc with you. DO NOT ever pack them with the shipment. 
• (or scan them and take USB with you)
• Remove batteries from things.
• Roll cords nearly and label them (or attach them to the item they go with) to avoid a tangled mess at the other end. The packers won't necessarily do this, so best you do before they arrive. 
• Insist packers DO NOT undo Ikea furniture. It's only made to be built, not dismantled and rebuilt. 
• If any items are to remain in the house your are moving from, use Post-it Notes or similar to denote DO NOT PACK as the packing team won't remember. 
• I've also kept a lot of the original boxes and packaging stuff came in, so the bread maker and slow cooker, ornaments go back into them when we move. 

I'm exhausted just thinking about it! How about you?

We are also in the mode of making sure things are where they belong before the move. If it's a lounge/sitting room item, then it stays there not the kitchen or it'll end up being packed into the kitchen boxes. 

Just stop reading for a minute and look around the room you are sitting. Is absolutely everything where it should be? Imagine all the bits'n'bobs lying around ..... that's what I'm talking' about.

Then there's the deep clean once the packers/removalists have been. Thank goodness I don't have to pack up the house (how lucky am I!) there's the deep clean ... skirting boards, tops of cupboards, carpets, oven (love love love the self cleaning one we have in the current house), bathrooms etc. 

Add to that sourcing 3 quote for moving companies and 3 quote for deep clean.

Oops, there's the doorbell. Quote No 2 for moving is early. 

Hope this helps your next move, 

With friendship

x

Terminology of a whatever-it-is-I-am

What's in name, right?

LOTS!

There have been numerous articles published recently again discussing the semantics of the lifestyle we lead - some of them are highlighted in the image I found on google images. This one in particular, in The Guardian and shared on Wall Street Journals Expat Community is a good read,  however I disagree about the expat bubble - how I would LOVE to live that kinda expat gig!!!!!

We live normal every day lives. G goes to work. MissM goes to school. I'm a SAHM who fills in her day how ever best I can without going bonkers. We make friends, have a social life, we spend time exploring our new city/country, we take advantage of travel opportunities.

It's a topic of conversation amongst our tribe too, as we all come with different experiences and expectations of our lifestyle and what we prefer to be called, if anything.

The Diplomatic community have been moving around the world for decades, as have military families. Corporate families have slowly but surely caught up and in many ways surpassed these groups. None of us have immigrated cos we're never anywhere long enough, nor do we choose to leave home permanently.

Immigrants have helped make countries strong and rich. I need only look at Australia to realise the richness immigrants have made there - Greeks and Italians, British and French, people from S E Asia, the sub continent  - all these nationalities and cultures in a fabulous country, blending food and fashion, adding value to business and society. Compare that to the mono-culture of Japan, where there is virtually zero immigration. Most non-Japanese are indeed expats  - they may well be long term, some have lived there 20, 30 years, but they haven't immigrated (legally)

Let'ss  tart with the dictionary definition:

EXPAT
From the Latin word ex (out of) patria (country or fatherland)
A person taking up residency in another country for a set time period
A common term for a person working for their company outside of their home country.
Someone who is living/working in a country that is not their home country, for a specific amount of time, they haven't immigrated but rather are there with some kind of visa requirement.
The time in the country that is not their home country comes to an end.
The legal requirements are unique and more often than not, are tied directly to the employee/employer.

IMMIGRANT:
To immigrate means to decide to leave your home country to live somewhere else as permanent resident or future citizens.
There is a long term, permanency to the decision to leave the home country.
One does not necessarily have a job when initial immigrating.
The legal requirements are unique.

GLOBAL NOMAD:
A term not heard of before 2000.
Describes employees who live a global and international lifestyle, seldom settling in one place for long.
The reason for regular movement is linked directly to the length of time one is employed.
Most global nomads (aka expats) remain with the same employer and simply move around the world, sharing their skills and experience with employer.

TRAILING SPOUSE:
A term used to describe the spouse/partner of who follows their spouse/partner to another city/country for a work assignment.
The first use of the phrase was in 1981 (it's no longer popular for many reasons which I think are obvious to you guys)

As we've chatted about before, the expat life tends to be very patriachial, that is, the majority of the time it's the man who has the contract, and the woman resigns from her job and together they (and kids) go on their adventures.

Some women enjoy the break from work and adjust well, other's don't; some are able to keep working remotely thanks to technology, while others start their own businesses, or blog. It all depends on your visa and what you choose to do with your time.

It's interesting when chatting about these terms how people feel.

I am an expat. We are global nomads. We integrate as much as possible for the time we call the place we are in home.

We left home because the industry G is involved with is small there, and he had career goals that would only be achieved overseas. I was already a SAHM (stay at home mum), as MissM was a toddler, so the move for me wasn't bad. If I was still working full time in advertising, it would have been a huge change and I'm not so sure how I would have coped.

My heart breaks when I meet women who struggle with their new life. It's very hard to 'give up' something for someone else, no matter how much you love them. When you are lonely, or fighting with school applications, or trying to navigate the medical system, or learning to drive the car on the opposite side of the road, sometimes in a different language you can't understand, it's very easy to lay blame at the other person for taking you away (hence, trailing spouse). Frustrations rise. Tempers flare and that's a whole other chat.

Expats tend to make a home somewhere for 2-3 -5 - ? years, then pack up and move on. They live as locals, but at some point in time they know they will leave.

Expats tend to be linked directly to a contract which has a start and finish date. In our situation, we arrive knowing our expiration date! Of course, it can be extended, but until that time comes, we know when we are expected to leave.

Please don't call me, or any of my friends a trailing spouse. I don't think I've met one of those - every woman I've met has been independent thinker, and made the decision in consultation with their husband/partner. We stand beside them, in fact, more often than not, we're out in front, blazing the way.

Remember Who's an Exptat? chat a few months ago? Friends who have lived in Ireland for 20+ years. They have residency, or have married an Irish man, and have raised their kids here, but they don't feel Irish. Their accents are thick from their mother tongue which they speak as often as they can (usually daily) and they crave for food-from-home but they are not expats, and will tell you so loud'n'proud. They have immigrated, chosen Ireland over their home country for permanent residency - they won't be leaving any time soon.

What you 'feel' is very personal.

How you choose to live, where you live is personal too.

It's more important to live well, with respect of the country you are in, adapting to the culture to the best of your ability, for the time you are there - be it as a tourist, expat or immigrant.

The funny thing is all the online forums, all the Facebook groups have the word expat in them, not immigrant, so maybe there is a difference after all.

What are you?

Do labels bother you?

Another Opportunity to Go With The Flow

Our landlords want their house back.

They moved back from their overseas posting, have had baby no2 and quite rightly want to 'come home'. They've been living with her mum and dad for several months, waiting patiently for the lease to expire.

We were quietly wishing they would be able to wait another year or two but in reality knew they would want their house back - heck, we would if we were in their shoes.

We often have opportunities thrust upon us with which we learn to breath deep, and go with the flow. No point getting angry or upset. It is what it is, we can't change it, so we make the most of it.

Meanwhile, truth me known I want to scream NOOOOOOOOOOO.

We love it here!

Great location.

Great house for entertaining.

Green outlook.

Private.


We dream of a mortgage. Of owning our own home. Decorating it to our style and taste, tho goodness knows what that even is. Choosing paint colours, designing our kitchen, landscaping our garden.
Blissful dreaming.

The beauty of renting is, all care and beyond paying the rent, no real financial outlay towards the upkeep of maintenance.

Up til now, we've never been asked to leave at the end of a lease. Our landlords have always been very happy to have us stay on, or we've moved onto the next Adventure and we've paid the rent until the end of the lease or they find a new tenant.

International moves means international packers and shipping. It's stressful but it's all done for you.

I can't remember the last time we had to do our own packing or arrange our own move. My head is already spinning with things to organise, and we only found out officially half an hour ago.

How many house moves have you had?

I can recall 14 in Sydney + 4 international moves.

Another opportunity to purge. I'm already looking through cupboard doors and thinking of what to keep, and what to get rid of. Quite a bit of stuff here belongs to the landlords, so I'll need to sort their stuff out from ours - imagine if it get's packed and moved with us!

Another chance to start over with new neighbours (tho we've not really got to know the one's here), short cuts to school, local shops.

Next house we'll make sure we've got gas on the hob/stove/range as we've not enjoyed using the induction hob at all. We'll miss the 3 ovens, especially the steaming oven. I won't miss hitting my head on the bathroom cupboard as I bend over and under to clean my teeth - the basin is narrower than the cupboard. The half wall to the shower it too short, so the water from the shower head (which comes out farther than the glass wall is long) goes all over the bathroom floor - won't miss that!

We'd love the next house to have one extra room for toys/arts/crafts/TV.

Miss the huge storage space in the attic!

Love the remote control garage door (not common in Dublin).

And free off street parking (so many friends live with metered parking or no street parking at all)

We'll miss the incredibly open, light, bright, warm kitchen/dining area; it's been great for entertaining and the odd cooking demonstration.

The yard is huge and despite the crappy weather, we do enjoy it when we can.

So there are pro's and con's as always to a new beginning, regardless of how ready you are for it.



Summer can be the best, and worst of times to move.

Best, because people tend to move over summer; worst because so many people are moving in, that there's a mad rush to secure the house you want.

Rents in Dublin are on the rise (again) purely due to supply and demand.

Only last month, daft.ie reported a 'chronic shortage' of rental properties, and those on the market were hugely inflated.

Friends have been looking to rent something for months and can't find anything decent or of value; while others have opted to buy instead of rent, and they are struggling too. I'm not looking forward to this at all.

With MissM settled in school, and our gym membership, and G's work within walking distance, we really want to stay in the area, however that might be nigh on impossible if there's nothing to rent.

At least they've had the decency to give us fair notice; we've til August to find somewhere and move. Fortunately we've not got a long summer vacation planned. We've time to look, purge, sort, pack'n'move.

So, please keep your fingers and toes crossed for us that we'll find another beautiful home soon. And, if you live in South Dublin and know of a 4-5 bedroom home coming up for lease please let me know via a quiet message here or email.

With friendship
x

Three Simple Words

It's amazing how powerful the combination of just three words can be.

I love you.

I'm leaving you.

Don't leave me. 

You're my friend. 

Please, help me. 

I am pregnant. 

You're not pregnant.

Please call me. 

You're my everything.

Get well soon. 

Come back safe. 

Words can hurt.

Safe and sound.

I  trust you.

You are welcome.

Got your back. 

You are family.

Let it go.

See you soon.

All of the three-simple-words above (and on the link) conjur up different memories and emotions for all of us; being told someone loves you or you're pregnant can be either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on circumstances. What's you're favourite? Which one makes you want to run away?

I've been trained over the years to be very wary of 'Can We Talk'. An ex-boyfriend who didn't really want to be in a relationship was always saying 'can we talk' and being young and (I thought) in love, i listened, we discussed the topic and continued on our odd-way together. Then one day, out of the blue it was me saying 'Can We Talk' and I told him 'I am leaving' which is what he wanted all along but just didn't have the guts to say.  

However, and yes, I'm going to play the expat card here; when the main income earner of the household comes home and says 'can we talk' you know instantly that it's either:

• My contract's been extended.
• For how much longer? 
• Do we want to stay?
• Do we leave?
• Is it a good time to stay/go re: kids schooling?
• My Contracts been cancelled/not being renewed.
• Where do we go?
• When do we leave?
• They want me to go local.
• WT?
• Can we afford to?
• Do we want to live here permanently?
• Can kids stay at their school or do we have to move them?
• I've had a job offer.
• Where?
• Who with?
• To do what?
• You considering it?
• When would we leave?

I should probably also include I'm leaving you (which happens more often than you realise)

Changing jobs when you're settled isn't a big deal, usually. You tend to stay put in your home, the kids don't change school, you might have to work out a different route to work, or a change in hours. 

Changing jobs as an expat is a HUGE deal more often than not. It can mean moving countries for starters. Sometimes, the need for change is not yours and therefore a total surprise, sending shockwaves thru the community (think GFC and friends in banking and finance who literally disappeared within weeks, or the aftermath of the earthquake/tsunami in Japan); you can have a niggling feeling that somethings up, but not quite sure what/when; the difference between thinking you know what might happen and actually knowing is when the definitive happens and you have to react. 

Several friends have had the 'My contracts been cancelled/not renewed/they want me to go local' talk of the past few months/weeks. Of course, with school age kids, the closer one gets to the end of the school term the more nervous one becomes in terms of contracts rolling over, or not. You kinda live on the edge, sort of aware that  maybe you might need to start thinking about the next move. Mind you, this happens regardless of when the contract date is, but most expats tend to move over summer to start school in September, or move over Christmas to start school in January - it's a global dominos effect. 

Of the two 'they want me to go local' only one has said yes. The other one decided while they love living in Dublin, it's not there forever home. I totally understand that. While we've not lived in Sydney for nearly 10 years, we haven't left it to live permanently somewhere else. 

The others are all leaving over summer. Some have new adventures in new cities which is exciting/scary while others have decided to repatriate 'home', which is also exciting/scary in different ways. They are all making the most of Ireland/Europe and have taken off for lots of short breaks seeing the things they thought they had more time to see. There's a few farewell parties, but nothing like we experienced in Japan with Sayonara parties - they are unique and so special. 

The one's moving onto new adventures are on various forms of over-drive. As one friend said, been-there-done-that-different-city-same-shit.

• There's housing to be found. 
• Schools to be researched.
• Packing dates to be confirmed. 
• Inventory sheets to be completed. 
• Cupboards to be purged. 
• Household items to be sold or given way.
• Cars to be sold.
• Various utilities, loyalty cards, subscriptions etc to be cancelled or forwarded to the new unknown address.
• Farewell parties to be organised. 

All this happens (mostly) while the employee is often travelling between the 'current' job they are winding down or handing over, with the new job they are getting familiar with. 

So, to all of you who've had to make, or are making life changing decisions BEST OF LUCK.

Remember, this too shall pass. We all end up where we need to be, even tho at times we have no frigging idea where that is, or why. 

The world is a small place, you're sure to meet up with friends again, and if not, there's Facebook, and of course, here. A great place to catch up and chat. 

With friendship

x

Rain, Rain Go AWAY!

Opposites.

We need them to keep the universe in balance.

In Ireland, as in England, the weather is a popular conversation. In fact, it's hard not to go for a few hours without someone mentioning the weather.

It's either too much rain and hoping for sunshine.

Too much sunshine, and wondering when that inevitable rain will come, because the good weather won't last. 

Glorious day today, hope it lasts.

No such thing as bad weather, just different kinds. 

The weather has to break soon.

There goes summer. 

Those few days last week were spring. 

Bad winter means good summer.

It's pissing down. 

Have you seen the weather report?

Weather's supposed to change tomorrow.

They want to start charging us for water? In a country that has an abundance of the stuff? Madness!

I didn't know what to wear today - raining when we woke up, sunshine when we left the house.

Layers - you must wear layers and always have a coat and umbrella for just in case. 

Desperate to go on holidays and get some sunshine.

The flowers must be so confused with the crazy weather. 

It does your head in, and can play havoc with your soul. MissM's surprised to see a sunny day (how sad is that) and often comments 'it's Ireland mama, what do you expect?' or as I open her blinds in the morning 'another grey ol' day'.

She doesn't mind when it rains on Tuesdays and Thursdays cos then they do indoor games as opposed to outdoor sports.

The weather also plays games with one's social life and weekend plans, however, you do kinda get used to it (or maybe we've lived here too long and are becoming localised with our attitudes).

There's always an indoor alternative.

Even over school holidays, plans have to be made with an alternative - we'll go to the park if it's dry (we don't even talk sunshine anymore, dry is good enough), and if not, we'll go bowling/come to our place.

We were told years ago, it's got nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with the right clothes.

So off we went and bought the 'right clothes' - rainboots, raincoats, waterproof hats.

Thank goodness they are fashion items! Great colours, lots of variety in style.

We can deal with rain but now it's the wind that's the deterrent! See, if it's not one things it's another. I have a sneaking suspicion this is one reason the Irish are so light hearted and have such a great sense of humour.

Todays' one of those days - the Japanese Community are hosting a Japan Experience Day from noon, and we are so excited to go. A Hanami in Dublin sounds interesting to say the least. We can't compare it to our experience in Japan, but it will be fun.

Not my photo, but we've done similar hanami in Yokohama.

After 4 glorious sunny days, with blue skies, and gentle breezes (everyone discussing their hopes for spring) it's pouring today.

The rain is heavy enough that you can see the patterns the wind is blowing, currently it's diagonal!

There are many reasons to visit Ireland, the weather is not one of them, but it does ensure the most amazing shades of green grass in the countryside, and lush gardens, and teaches you to simply get on with it, coats, hats, boots and all.


PS: To be fair, we had similar conversations while living in Japan, tho it was only during the wet season (obvious, huh?) and summer - those summers were so friggin' hot and humid - again, it was having the right clothes to cope; having indoor alternatives to the park on extreme days; and having the right attitude to cope.

The ying/yang of life.

Learning to adjust, to cope with what ever's thrown at you - even if you can't do much about it.


With friendship
x

Nearly Over For Another Year

Seems the year is flying by - again, or is it simple getting faster and faster and there's nothing we can do about it?

Easter break is nearly done.

Tomorrow is the last day.

We've had a great couple of weeks.

Dinner with friends of MissM's class mate. In fact, it was a really lovely evening. We laughed and chatted like old mates. We don't have those kind of nights that often, and when we do, we relish them.

They are a newish family; mum has the gig, dad's a stay-at-home-dad (which in itself is a great conversation to have, role reversals and how it works especially in expat life).  This is their first overseas assignment, tho have moved around the US a few times. This has been their norm since their first daughter was born.

What I loved most was being able to laugh with someone about the various expat lessons we all learn along the way. It was wonderful to confirm 'it's not you' with regards to several topics of conversation. Even G joined in the chorus of 'please don't feel bad, it's not you'. We all laughed and they felt more relaxed knowing it wasn't them but everyone else!!!!!!!!

I see the dad at school; the girls are best friends; now that G and MrsM have met it's complete and phew! we all got along really well. How can I tell? Because we laughed, a lot. We didn't stop talking. We appear to have similar expectations of our kid/s in terms of behaviour, manners etc. which was revealed thru several topics of conversation that just flowed.

MrsM's work is interesting; they were keen to learn about G's work and what takes us around the world, where we've lived; how I settle and keep busy, how MrM does the same but differently; the kids; holiday destinations done or on the wish list; sports/hobbies/interests - it was a great first date!

There was a sleepover on Monday night when the OtherMissM stayed over. Too much singing and dancing and gymnastics and giggling makes for two cranky tweens the next day.

On Thursday we headed off to Belfast for a few days. Not that impressed with the city. The Black Cab Tour was emotionally draining as you'd expect; Titanic Museum was a little bit disappointing (but then I really enjoyed the Titanic exhibition Southampton); the day trip to the Giant's Causeway was great! The new information centre is fantastic as is the audio guide (I'll blog about the trip separately so you can see pics and links)

MissM went to chess camp - yes, C H E S S! with MrH. They are great mates, tho don't tell anyone at school cos apparently boys and girls can't be friends when you're 10 years old - they aren't mortal enemies, but they are definitely not supposed to hang out together.

There two get along like a house on fire, as do the families.

MrH came home with us this afternoon. We had nearly two hours in the sunshine at the local park (unheard of in Dublin), and he stayed for dinner.

Tomorrow we have an appointment with the Australian Ambassador to Ireland to discuss MissM's role in the 2015 ANZAC Day Memorial Service (how exciting is that, and yep, another chat for another time)

Then, believe it or not it's back to school Monday for the LAST TERM OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.

Yep, it's nearly over for another year - ALREADY!

In less than 6 weeks 4th Class (grade 4) will be a memory .......... which means, wait for it .... deep breath .... we have to start thinking about summer f*****g holidays ....... nearly three f*****g months to fill.

How was your Easter Break?

How do you celebrate Easter?

When do your kids finish school for the year?

When do you start thinking about summer holidays?

With friendship
x

Finding A New Friend

Think for a minute, where did you meet your friends?

Let me guess - at school, at work, the gym, thru your kids, your place of worship, thru the local sports club, neighbours, friends of friends, on holidays ......... all pretty normal places.

When MissM was born, my hairdresser introduced me to a lady who had a son the same age. She was having trouble with her little one - he was clingy, wouldn't sleep, didn't like the car, didn't like the pram. MissM was completely the opposite and my hairdresser thought maybe I could invite the lady and her bub out for coffee and offer her some helpful support. She knew I was involved in a local playgroup who met regularly and asked if it would be possible to include her.

As we were new to the area, I agreed. I knew how difficult it was to make friends being not only new to the area, but having a new baby.

We became friends. She came along to our playgroup and the rest is history. We're not in touch any more, but that's ok. We shared the first year or so of our children's lives and went our separate ways.

Expat life teaches you  to be open to opportunities of friendship. Maybe at some point you think you've enough friends - life is busy enough to have too many. Most people can't see the friends they have often enough, so adding more isn't necessary.

We were like that before we left Sydney. Our circle of friends was complete, and we knew that as MissM grew up and started school we'd meet people thru her and hopefully add a few more friends to our list. But we didn't 'need' any more than we had.

Each time we move we do so knowing there are so many people we have yet to meet, who will be our friends, and that's a pretty cool concept. Because expat assignments come and go, are off'n'on until the contract is signed, nothing is ever a forgone conclusion, so fate, destiny whatever you want to call it does play a major role in the path you take.

It's all about being at the right place at the right time. All the planets being aligned so magic can happen.


In a past chat, Friendship Is In The Air, we talked about girl dating aka, the beginning of a new friendship, and it still rings true.

A few weeks ago, I was standing in a very long line, soon a cold, grey Dublin morning waiting to go into the office to renew my drivers licence. There was a young man infront of me, talking about something to do with when he lived in Khartoum to his relocation contact (I gathered this simply because I was listening)

He had a rather posh English accent, and for some reason that I will never know I excused myself and said 'I couldn't help but overhear, you've just arrived in Dublin from England. Welcome. We were in Winchester before moving here with my husbands work' and so began a lovely 3-way chat. I learned where he was working, when he arrived, when his wife and kids arrive, that he was waiting on confirmation on a lease, other places he'd worked.

I then did something I've never done before, and offered him my mobile phone number if we could be of any help, and suggested when his wife and kids arrived, we get together.

He texted a few weeks ago and thanked me for my friendship and said he and his family would like to catch up if the offer was still there.

Today was the day. (G even recorded the Rugby)

Over tea'n'scones at our place, we laughed and chatted as if we'd been friends for ages.

MissM was a bit thrown by having a 4 year old and an 20 month old in the house. She took the kids onto the trampoline for a while, then brought them inside cos it was cold. She much preferred sitting with us at the table. Think it'll take time for her to be used to little ones (she's never really hung out with little people, other than her friends siblings)

The conversation covered the usual questions .... where have you lived? what did you think of it? did you learn the language? how's the new house? are you feeling settled? what school? what preschool? can you recommend a (insert gardener, babysitter, hairdresser etc)? fav restaurants? Ikea. Packing/unpacking tales. Ridiculous rents. Recreational ideas with/without kids. What sports do you play/watch?

We didn't exchange surnames.

But we did exchange mobile phone numbers.

I shared one of our child minders details.

I invited her to come along to the Int. Women's Club meeting next month.

The guys were talking work. Culture. Hours. Attitude. Comparisons to other offices they have worked in around the world. They are in completey different industries doing different things, but the fact they have both worked in different countries gave them a common thread.

We were talking parks, playgrounds, hairdressers, Easter holiday ideas and about the Club.

There were smiles and laughter. All good signs.

There was nodding in agreement.

The conversation flowed well.

I think we might have found new friends - it's not often G and I meet a couple for the first time together, and our double-date went very well.

Hope they like us as much as we liked them.

Time with tell.

That's the thing with finding a new friend - you just never know where it'll take you.

Keeping In Touch Counts

We all know how it's done in the real world. You phone/text a friend, make a date and meet for coffee or lunch. You spend time chatting, laughing, solving problems and just enjoy hanging out together. Some friends you do this with often, while others might be a once a month/quarter/year event. Either way, you make time to catch up.

In the expat world it's a wee bit different. You email or message a friend (who is, more often than not in another time zone), and offer a few dates/times that suit you, having calculated the time difference and try to establish time for a Skype chat.

There's really no difference - or is there?????????????????

Dublin to Sydney at this time of year is 11 hour behind, which is super easy to coordinate. The months when it's a 9 hour difference is more difficult but can be done.

MissM and I often Skype mum or the in-laws on the way to school in the car from my mobile. It's around 7pm there, so perfect for a quick catchup while we sit in traffic. This time offers MissM a quick, short chat which suits her better these days (what's with kids who can talk your ear off in person but clam up over the phone?)

Earlier this week, my niece in Sydney texted 'are you up? Can we Skype?' It was pretty late for me, but when my niece calls, I answer! We chatted for a while, the line kept freezing and dropping out but we kept reconnecting. It was so lovely. She was lounging on her new bed, we caught on ballet news, school gossip, her latest project. We blew kisses to each other and after 40 minutes hung up.

A few nights ago MrsS whatsapp-ed 'I'll be home in 45 minutes. Is it too late to Skype? It was 8pm my time, so no, not too late at all. I popped the kettle on and we chatted til nearly midnight my time. I didn't care one bit. She has a lot of stuff going on and it was my pleasure to sit and listen and offer up my 2cents worth.

MrsW's in the UK, we have a coffee'n'Skype date for Friday morning. We've blocked out a couple of hours and will sit'n'chat while sipping coffee, thousands of miles apart but in real time chatting and laughing. The only thing missing is the hug hello, so we just smile and wave - a lot.

A friend living in Japan said her grandchild living in New Zealand took a few hours to warm to her and her husband on a trip home. He was maybe 2 years old and kept looking at the computer screen. They worked out that he was possibly confused by seeing all of them and not just their heads on the computer screen - OMG These people are real!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Over the past nine years we've shared Christmas morning and birthday's via Skype with family which fills a void; MissM will regularly show her grandparents artwork or her latest ballet routine on our weekend catchups (which don't happen every weekend by the way but often enough), we'll show off the garden, or a new haircut. We're all in the same room, talking, sharing and that's what counts.

Some friends have very busy lifestyles and with time zones adding to that, it's easier to whatsapp chat. While you might miss their voice, or seeing their face, it's still in real time and that's what counts.

We haven't had a landline for nearly 10 years relying only on Skype (we have a local Sydney number that hardly anyone bothers using), and our mobiles. MissM loves going to her grandparents in Sydney and seeing the TELEPHONE. Imagine her expression when she was an old fashioned phone with the dial and cord attached to the wall.  More and more people are ditching their landlines, don't you think?

People must think we live in our pjs and I never wear makeup because we so often Skype in pj's, with no make up on, or with a pretty top on and pj bottoms. It has everything to do with time zones, and nothing to do with lack of personal care. I'm very well dressed, with makeup and hair done for this mornings Skype catch-up.

I used to think wow, all I've done all day is sit and chat on Skype, but then I think about the days when I'm out'n'about with friends catching up, enjoying each others company, and figure what's the difference?

Chatting with friends is SO IMPORTANT, especially when you don't live close by to take advantage of it.

Keeping in touch counts for so much, especially when you are living so far apart.

So, who you going to call?

Landline? Skype? Whatsapp?

How do you manage Keeping In Touch?

It's Our Anniversary

an·ni·ver·sa·ry

ˌanəˈvərs(ə)rē/

noun

1. the date on which an event took place in a previous year.

   "the 50th anniversary of the start of World War II"

   • the date on which a country or other institution was founded in a previous year.

     "Canada's 125th anniversary"
   • the date on which a couple was married in a previous year.

     "he even forgot our tenth anniversary!"

Today is our 9th anniversary being expats. G laughed when it was mentioned. He's not quite sure why it's a date I remember every-single-year, tho when reminded him of the definition of the word and he simply said, oh ok then.

We left on Qantas flight 11 on January 5th for Dublin with a two night stop over in Los Angeles to stretch our legs. We had a day at Disneyland, and time by the pool. MissM was two and a half and slept all the way (we medicated her as it was her first overseas flight and she was so tiny). Love looking at the album photos! She was so tiny. We were much slimmer.

We had no idea what we were doing, but were very prepared to give it a go, and see what happened. After all, we only had a two year signed contract! If we didn't like it, we'd go home.

What's happened has been amazing for so many reasons.

Nine years. 4 international moves (plus two unplanned stints in Sydney) means MissMs been to 5 schools, each with it's own cirriculum challenges. I experience the same feeling every time she has a first day - we're sending her off into the unknown and expect her to make friends, be happy and enjoy school. So far, we've been bloody lucky that's happened!

She's worn uniforms and worn casual clothes. She's had school lunches provided, and home made lunches; she's had huge grounds to play in and tiny concrete areas on which to make the most of playtime. Each time, she's made friends and settled well and been happy. What more could we ask?

Lessons Learned: Our daughter is a very kind, caring, resourceful, adaptable, creative, strong, considerate, independent, charismatic kid. If these qualities stay with her she'll be an awesome adult. I've learnt that it's difficult at times to raise a child without support from extended family and that a support network is vital to a parents sanity. My admiration for people who are doing this alone for whatever reason is 10-fold! As soon as you know you 'might' be moving, check out the schools and make enquiries about available places. If you're lucky to have a choice of schools, GO SEE THEM and ask questions, make sure it's a good fit for your child/ren; don't accept a position just because it's offered (tho sometimes you don't have a choice); it does get more complicated as they get older in terms of continuity of subjects, teaching styles, adapting learning styles, friendships but it will all work out! Depending on the age of your kids, get involved in the parents groups, volunteer  - tho remember not all schools function this way, so ASK first. It's OK to buy second hand uniforms, bags, text books etc. Allow the kids to take time to fit in and navigate their way - it's the same as your first day in the new office. It all takes time. As the kids get older, it reduces the opportunity to be involved with school thereby reducing mums social network opportunities. 

We've met so many generous, funny people along the way. Made lifelong friends in a matter of months. Expat life moves fast! You never know when you or they will be moving on, so you have to make the time you have count.

Lessons Learned: Sometimes you have to let people go, or they choose to let you go and you know what, it's never personal as ironic as that sounds. I've learnt that the crowd you're IN with is your crowd and not to be bothered by the other crowds. That you really don't need a lot of friends, you just need a few good ones - people to laugh with, cry with, explore with, and to confide in. I've learnt that the saying 'never judge a book by it's cover' is so wrong! If I did that with people I'd met these past 9 years, I'd have missed out on some of the most unique friendships that have come my way. I've learn to be quiet(er) in certain social situations, to let others have their say/their way, to keep some personal things secret, people don't need to know everything about you (the beauty of expat life is you get to do-over regularly). Be slow to trust others and be quick to be trusted. Listen more than talk (don't laugh, it's true!) and be respectful of differences, great friendships can happen if you let them. Remember, there is much truth in six degrees of separation, especially with Facebook! Be open to meeting a friend of a friend whose just moved to your city, or is about to move to where you've lived. The common factors might just allow a new friendship to grow. Join the local International Womens' Club ( or similar), investigate volunteer roles at school or with local charities - keep busy! Sign up to a course, continue a hobby or sport. 

The world is an amazing place.  Cultural differences are to be celebrated. Each city we've called home has offered us different perspectives and interests.

Lessons Learned: We actually enjoy travelling and sight seeing. G and MissM, once out of the house are great explorers, even tho we have different tastes, we make it work. Our suitcase packing skills have vastly improved, and we manage with less. We love planning and researching trips. We're great in planes, trains and cars. We're terrific walkers when on holidays, and can go into chillaxing mode with the click of a finger. We don't do hot'n'humid very well, tho we do enjoy a pool-resort vacation. Include the child/ren in planning what to do/see on vacation. Mix up the days so everyone's tastes are taken into account. Take lots of photos and make albums of the best ones and write little stories so you remember the good-funny and not so good times of the trip. As the kids grow older, or you repatriate, you'll relish these memories.

We had no idea we'd be unofficially running a B&B. We love having guests stay with us, and showing them around our new home. We can indulge ourselves with friends much more this way and genuinely catch up even if it's a 48 hour visit. The more bedrooms we can offer friends the better.Our happiest times in Winchester were when all 3 guest bedrooms were full. Even now, we can sleep an extra 5 people (two on the sofa bed, one on a single bed, and two in the guests bedroom). It's a great excuse for us to do local sight seeing that we might otherwise not do.

Lessons Learned: always provide guests with a prepaid mobile phone with important mobile phone numbers already in the contacts (yours, the house phone, taxi, hospital, GP, and one or two reliable friends in case you are uncontactable for some reason); always ask friends if they have any dietary requirements you may not be aware of (a cousin informed me she was a vegetarian two days before arriving for a week - there went my menu planning!); precook and freeze as many meals as possible so you're not slaving over the stove/hob their entire visit; if you can, rent a TV for their bedroom as a means of offering them private time; give them your WIFI passwords when they arrive; keep to your kids routine as much as possible or the kids think that yo have guests, they get a day off school; don't be shy in asking guests to catch coach (or similar) to a closer destination to you than the airport, saving time and money; learn to say 'no' if you really prefer people not stay with you. Alternatively  if you offer a sleepover, be prepared for the person to phone one day and say they are coming for a visit! Have everyone who stays sign a guests book - they are one of the most treasured possessions we have. 

Food and Festivals. Local culture. As nowhere is quite like 'home' everywhere is exciting! For us, our time in Japan has been the most eye opening simply because our cultural differences. Being part of an International School added another invaluable dimension to our experiences.

Lessons Learned: Participate in every single thing that you can - Google search the event beforehand so you have an idea what's going on, ask questions when you're there, take photos, be as open minded as you possibly can and that includes ALL your senses. Say yes to invitations. Find out what events are 'annual' and when they occur and plan to participate; if you miss out one year, make sure you make a note in your diary for the next year! Enjoy getting lost - you find the most incredible things. Catch a train or bus to the end of the line, or pick a stop and get off and walk around; there's so much information online to Google, or lookup on trip advisor, or read DK travel books, or Lonely Planet. No excuses for being bored, or missing out. 

It's you and him and the kids; you are a tight knit family unit who face the world, literally, as a team. You land in a new city, calling it home knowing only each other (maybe a few other people but not often), and have to 'start over' establishing friendships, creating a life, exploring and learning to live day to day in a new environment. Strong marriages! If, when things go wrong, you've each other to lean on, tho how much honesty you share with one another is a huge question. Does He really need to know how miserable you are? Will it make a difference to the contract? If SHE knows the job isn't what I thought it would be and I hate it, will that make her nervous about moving? If SHE's bored batty, her days too long and unfulfilling how does she get the energy to 'pretend' its fine, so she remains interesting to her employed husband? Too many marriages breakdown in expat life .... if they were 'home' would they have survived?

Lessons Learned: No matter what, find a way to be honest with each other. Secrets get you into trouble. Make sure you can look each other straight in the eye and say 'Despite doing my very best at <><><><, I <><><><' and begin a conversation. Get help - see a councillor together or individually if need be; ask a friend to have the child/ren for a night and get away for a break; have regular DATE NIGHTS (I cannot stress this one enough!). If you can't find a sitter ask a friend and repay the favour (babysitting or childminding clubs are popular amongst expats depending on where you live); See, none of this is unique to expat couples! What is difficult at times is the total reliance on each other for stuff, as there's no extended family or uber close knit circle of friends to support/help/talk thru things with. Never go to bed on an argument, and never leave the house angry. Always kiss each other goodbye and hello. 


Talking of missing out, we have missed out on stuff. So much going on at home in Sydney with family and friends. Obviously if MissM was only two and a half when we left, so was our nephew and our niece was 6; we've missed out on birthdays, school concerts, picnics, hanging out, growing closer, sharing secrets and more. Time we'll never get back. Time that Skye doesn't allow to happen. Friendships also need to be cared for and invested in; people's lives get busy and let's face it, our day to day is here and theirs is there, so you can't be part of it.

Lessons Learned: Make the most of the time you do have together; embrace technology as your friend, don't let time slip by cos you're busy or time zones don't meet up; post a card every so often, send a small gift; Friendships also need to be cared for and invested in; people's lives get busy and let's face it, our day to day is here and theirs is there, so you can't be part of it. Don't let the distance or absence eat you up - it's not worth the stress.

For a lot of expats, that hardest relationship to navigate is that with our parents. None of us are getting any younger; siblings who are close by are the ones to support and comfort aging parents, depending on situations a trip home several times a year isn't feasible but we'll all make the trip if a parent or sibling is diagnosed unwell, or worse. A disagreement over Skype or email is blown out of proportions as opposed to it happening 'in person'.

Lessons Learned: Gosh, I'm not so sure about this one. Call, Skype, email, Facebook often; never finish contact on a negative note; don't share the ins'n'outs of any sad or negative situations cos they can't do anything about it miles away, nor do they really understand your perspective and they only dwell on it while you've moved on (guess the same goes for their news); do share important stuff if someone's unwell, or achieved something great; don't bang on too much about what you're doing and where you're going as sometimes expats come off as a tad spoilt or indulged; ask questions, share light news; expat life is pretty normal and can be mundane, it can also be hugely exciting so be careful to balance conversation. Other than that, love to hear your lessons ..... I still feel I fail miserably with this one. 

I've also learnt:

• We don't NEED a car, but having one makes things easier.
• The are very few genuine global brands.
• Words might sound the same, but have completely different meanings, so check!
• Libraries and/or Kindle are a great way to indulge one's love of reading without the weight of books.
• Just cos you can see it online doesn't mean the company delivers to your country/area. 
• PayTV offers you hundreds of channels, most of them are rubbish. 
• Balance your news - CNN isn't always the one to watch. 
• Keeping in touch with news from home online helps to converse with family and friends. 
• Never ending days of social isolation (for some) is dangerous as it affords the mind time to think.
• Learn to ask questions - about anything! Good conversation starter, plus you learn stuff. 
• Let your Embassy know you are newly arrived, especially in countries that have natural disasters like earthquakes. Just makes it easier IF something happens. 
• Better to have a wardrobe of 'transeasonal clothing' than specific seasons as it lasts longer in more countries. 
• Invest in a good coat, warm boots, colourful hats/gloves and scarves when living in colder climates. Everywhere's heated so you don't need to overdress. 
• Find a good hairdresser, doctor and babysitter as quickly as you can by asking for recommendations. 
• Don't share your babysitter!
• Accept that everywhere is different, and what you did in one place with one group may not be how it is in another. 
• Keep busy, even if it means going to a movie in the middle of the day on your own. 

I'm sure there are more ...................

We hope when we share our Adventures we do it with humility and consideration and don't bore people. We aim to be the best hosts we can be when we have guests, and that we make as most of the opportunities afforded us.

Are we the same as when we left? Well, is anyone the same as they were 9 years ago? We're basically the same, just a bit older, chubbier, with a few more experiences, lots more friends, and great memories. .

Being an expat is bittersweet but it's the life we live, and while we've no idea what the future brings, we'll continue to enjoy it and get back to Sydney as often as we can.

So, Happy Anniversary G, love you.

What lessons have you learnt since being an expat, or living 'away' from home?

If you've not moved, what would you like those who have to know?

Do you acknowledge when you started your Adventure?

Join In NOW

What a morning!

Over 30 vendors, Club members and guests, milling around shopping and chatting over tea'n'coffee, raising money for charity.

Good for the soul, especially when you are on the organising team, or volunteering on the day.

I can't stress enough the importance of joining the local International Women's Club, or American Women's Club or French Womens' Club or any other expat oriented Club the second you arrive in your new city.

If you simply Google INTERNATIONAL WOMENS CLUB you will be amazed at how many there are. Each one will have it's own criteria for membership, but they all share the same mission, tho the words might be slightly different - to help new arrivals settle quickly and well into the City, and to make friends. Some Clubs are more philanthropic than others, some are more social - you'll find the one to suit you. And if it's not 'you', don't disregard it too quickly. JOIN! Take a few months to see what it's like. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Some of my BEST friends over the past 8 years started over a coffee at an IWCD meeting, or thru an introduction simply because we were both from Australia. I've met the most interesting ladies thru the Club, and learnt so much.

I am a strong advocate for membership to International Women's Clubs and was over the moon when I was asked to be Vice President this year. Everything I do is paying it forward, giving back to the Club that made me so welcome and helped me so much on our first expat adventure.

Sadly, the distance and time frames of activities in/around Tokyo prohibited me from joining that one;  The community at school more than made up for it. I've no idea how I'd have fitted everything in if I joined.

Winchester to London is just that bit too far to be guaranteed of getting in/out between school hours, plus the cost was ridiculous. The train ran from Winchester to Waterloo well enough (if there wasn't track work, or other delays) but getting from Waterloo to ?????? might have been another 30+ minutes and that's going in - double that to come home. So again, I didn't join the Australian Womens' Club or International one.

Trust me, I know what's it's like to be disengaged, to feel uncomfortable and lonely. The IWC's can and do have a huge impact. I know that if things had been different, and joining was an option, our time, my time in the UK would have been so different.

Being able to re-join IWCD was one of the highlights of returning to Dublin.

This year we had a committee of 10 organising the Bazaar, of which 4 were new members to the Club.

They had great ideas, shared experiences from previous Club's they belonged to, saw how 'we' do things, and more than that, instantly connected with members who have been with the Club for  a long time, and were seen by others as being involved!

Moving countries often requires you to learn very quickly how to fit in, where you'll make friends, establish a social network and, if you're visa prohibits you from gaining employment, keeping busy!

Volunteering is the best way to immerse yourself; learn the ropes, hang out with people, be seen to be active and participative. If you would rather not be on committee's there's oodles of things to do:

• sell raffle tickets, 
• bake cakes, 
• be the one to collect donations of books etc,
•  put your hand up to be on a roster to work behind a stall;
• pick up members who don't drive and would otherwise not attend,
• rustle up a few donations from local businesses for the raffle, the following is a helpful list of business we ALL know, who might consider giving a gift voucher. Vouchers are brilliant as they are worth nothing until someone uses them - and then you end up spending more than the voucher. 
• gym instructor
• tennis coach
• pilates teacher
• yoga teacher
• beautician
• hairdresser
• dry cleaners 
• physio
• chiro
• masseuse
• favorite restaurant
• favourite cafe
• local fruitshop
• local butcher
• local fishmonger
• florist
• babysitting or child minding
• gardening
• home help (cleaners, ironing service etc)
• get the idea?
• Help with decorating the venue
• Offer to create a music sound track 
• Be there early to help set up, or offer to stay back to pull down event
• If you're handy with social media, offer to manage the FB and Twitter side of the event
• Creative people can design posters or invitations
• Depending on the event, there may well be lots of envelopes that need stuffing and stamps going on,
• Bring friends to the event!

There's a role for everyone who wants one. 

While it's lovely to be asked to participate, please don't be shy - offer!

There are so many places needing volunteers - this is but one aspect of volunteer work. 

As an expat, I guess the obvious places are school, preschool, church, sports clubs, as well as IWC's; but there are local charities that need help too. Ask around for ideas, or Google them.

Depending on where you volunteer you might need to be interviewed, offer up references, have a police check done etc. 

Sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zone, to do something we've never done before. It's exciting and scary but so worthwhile. The environment offered by IWC's and one would think any organisation you would be volunteering with is warm and friendly as most of the people involved are volunteers with good intentions. 

It's a great opportunity to add value to existing skills and a relaxed way to learn new ones.

Our raffle overflowed with prizes, all donations from local business and the vendors present; it took us over 25 minutes to call them all out (something we have to address for future as it stops people shopping with vendors, and unless you're winning, it can be pretty dull); our Bric'A'Brac table sold out (which means someone's trash is really someone else' treasure) and our we sold a lot of preloved books (the remainder will be donated to charity). Our bakers were so busy and created delicious treats and took orders for delivery pre-Xmas.

We raised a lot of money for Special Needs Parents Association which is the foundation of our Annual Bazaar, but we also made a difference to our members, especially our new ones, who had never been to the Bazar before.

To receive emails of thanks for a great day, or, I'm so proud to be part of this Club after yesterdays event, to offers of help for next year is really pleasing.

It feels kinda weird today knowing that the two Bazaar's are behind me ...... I'm looking forward to getting back to the gym, catching up with friends, not having my phone beep'n'ring all hours, but in a strange way, I'll miss it too.

G asked me last night, am I now winding down for the holidays, or winding down to wind up for the next event? I didn't dare say the next event LOL.

With friendship
x