Three Simple Words

It's amazing how powerful the combination of just three words can be.

I love you.

I'm leaving you.

Don't leave me. 

You're my friend. 

Please, help me. 

I am pregnant. 

You're not pregnant.

Please call me. 

You're my everything.

Get well soon. 

Come back safe. 

Words can hurt.

Safe and sound.

I  trust you.

You are welcome.

Got your back. 

You are family.

Let it go.

See you soon.

All of the three-simple-words above (and on the link) conjur up different memories and emotions for all of us; being told someone loves you or you're pregnant can be either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on circumstances. What's you're favourite? Which one makes you want to run away?

I've been trained over the years to be very wary of 'Can We Talk'. An ex-boyfriend who didn't really want to be in a relationship was always saying 'can we talk' and being young and (I thought) in love, i listened, we discussed the topic and continued on our odd-way together. Then one day, out of the blue it was me saying 'Can We Talk' and I told him 'I am leaving' which is what he wanted all along but just didn't have the guts to say.  

However, and yes, I'm going to play the expat card here; when the main income earner of the household comes home and says 'can we talk' you know instantly that it's either:

• My contract's been extended.
• For how much longer? 
• Do we want to stay?
• Do we leave?
• Is it a good time to stay/go re: kids schooling?
• My Contracts been cancelled/not being renewed.
• Where do we go?
• When do we leave?
• They want me to go local.
• WT?
• Can we afford to?
• Do we want to live here permanently?
• Can kids stay at their school or do we have to move them?
• I've had a job offer.
• Where?
• Who with?
• To do what?
• You considering it?
• When would we leave?

I should probably also include I'm leaving you (which happens more often than you realise)

Changing jobs when you're settled isn't a big deal, usually. You tend to stay put in your home, the kids don't change school, you might have to work out a different route to work, or a change in hours. 

Changing jobs as an expat is a HUGE deal more often than not. It can mean moving countries for starters. Sometimes, the need for change is not yours and therefore a total surprise, sending shockwaves thru the community (think GFC and friends in banking and finance who literally disappeared within weeks, or the aftermath of the earthquake/tsunami in Japan); you can have a niggling feeling that somethings up, but not quite sure what/when; the difference between thinking you know what might happen and actually knowing is when the definitive happens and you have to react. 

Several friends have had the 'My contracts been cancelled/not renewed/they want me to go local' talk of the past few months/weeks. Of course, with school age kids, the closer one gets to the end of the school term the more nervous one becomes in terms of contracts rolling over, or not. You kinda live on the edge, sort of aware that  maybe you might need to start thinking about the next move. Mind you, this happens regardless of when the contract date is, but most expats tend to move over summer to start school in September, or move over Christmas to start school in January - it's a global dominos effect. 

Of the two 'they want me to go local' only one has said yes. The other one decided while they love living in Dublin, it's not there forever home. I totally understand that. While we've not lived in Sydney for nearly 10 years, we haven't left it to live permanently somewhere else. 

The others are all leaving over summer. Some have new adventures in new cities which is exciting/scary while others have decided to repatriate 'home', which is also exciting/scary in different ways. They are all making the most of Ireland/Europe and have taken off for lots of short breaks seeing the things they thought they had more time to see. There's a few farewell parties, but nothing like we experienced in Japan with Sayonara parties - they are unique and so special. 

The one's moving onto new adventures are on various forms of over-drive. As one friend said, been-there-done-that-different-city-same-shit.

• There's housing to be found. 
• Schools to be researched.
• Packing dates to be confirmed. 
• Inventory sheets to be completed. 
• Cupboards to be purged. 
• Household items to be sold or given way.
• Cars to be sold.
• Various utilities, loyalty cards, subscriptions etc to be cancelled or forwarded to the new unknown address.
• Farewell parties to be organised. 

All this happens (mostly) while the employee is often travelling between the 'current' job they are winding down or handing over, with the new job they are getting familiar with. 

So, to all of you who've had to make, or are making life changing decisions BEST OF LUCK.

Remember, this too shall pass. We all end up where we need to be, even tho at times we have no frigging idea where that is, or why. 

The world is a small place, you're sure to meet up with friends again, and if not, there's Facebook, and of course, here. A great place to catch up and chat. 

With friendship

x

Phase 5: Actually Packing’n’moving

Option 1

One family.

One House.

One truck.

One day.

One delivery.

Arrive at new home.

Option 2

One family.

One House.

Three trucks.

Two days.

6 Deliveries.

Arrive at new home one and a half weeks later.

We scored option 2 without even knowing we had an option 1.

The job was described as a 3 day job (the 3^rd was contingency); one truck would cart boxes and furniture to the larger truck parked close by (our road is too narrow and overgrown with trees for a larger truck to drive up) and at the end of each day I would check the inventory with the team leader before they locked down the truck.

We were so excited to be able to confirm door-to-door delivery as we've found and rented a fabulous new house. 

We’re being trucked up via the ferry, which for us is the quickest we’ve ever had our stuff transported!

In reality, it’s been one van yesterday (day 1) which transported 65 boxes to a warehouse in London (where exactly I don’t know); today there’s 2 vans waiting for the rest of our stuff. They will go to the same warehouse and be unloaded next to yesterdays lot.

Then (I’m not sure when exactly) ALL three loads will be packed onto one large truck for the ferry ride, where it will be unloaded into a warehouse awaiting the Irish moving company’s truck, where it will be loaded for deliver to us sometime w/c August 19. The company overseeing the move is a Swedish company believe it or not - with agents in the UK and Ireland. The UK company told me they would be delivering the loaded truck to Dublin and an Irish company will be delivering it to the house. 

Today they said the Irish company is collecting the load. 

Does it matter? Probably not, but it would be nice to actually know what was happening with OUR STUFF.

I’m not sure why I’m slightly stressed as this is STILL the quickest timeframe for any international move we’ve done …. But being told it's door-to-door meant exactly that, we had planned our arrival around being in the house with our stuff Monday!

So we added bits’n’bobs to the truckload rather than the car, extended the hotel booking, will eat out most nights etc, we’ll be fine. We're expat's, we've learned our lessons from previous moves and apply that knowledge to help each move be easier, simpler. We're flexible. We're patient. 

As some of the furniture in the house isn’t ours, we’ve put DO NOT PACK stickers on them. Still I’ve been asked several times ‘is this going?’ DOH! NO, it’s got a sticker.

Walked the guys around each room, instructing them on what stays, what goes; showed them the ONE ROOM we have in the cellar (it’s an 1800s cellar with lots of rooms) and said everything in here is to be packed please’ so they ask ‘what about the grog outside the door’ um NO, just the stuff in this room and only this room please.

Our lounge is now legless, in pieces.

The dining table too. 

Thank goodness the dining chairs stay in one piece.

What will we note the trampoline as? Um, how about trampoline or outside?????

What about this cupboard here? No – not mine. Just the one room in the cellar.

Then he opened the door to next door (which happens to be the landlord) and says oy, you didn’t tell me about this second kitchen. Took me all my time not to shout it’s not my kitchen or I would have told you about it.

175 individual items on the outgoing inventory. 

It's not a competition by any means, but it's always interesting to find out how many boxes/items people move with. We're obviously the smallest as there's only 3 of us and we have an enforced small allowance. I just cope with the amount we have!

MrsP has recently repatriated from Yokohama to the UK after nearly 10 years being away ... she left with 3 children and is returning with 4. She just texted to wish us well with our move and said she's expecting 400 boxes next week, that in addition to having opened the storage unit here, that's a lot of stuff for any family to deal with.

Wonder how the UNpacking will go - her's and mine, and several friends who are moving to new adventures, including repatriating.

Please! If you are reading this and have moved, or are moving internationally or to the next suburb, please let us all know how you coped, and how many boxes/items you had to deal with.

With friendship

x

Phase 5: STILL packing'n'moving

Moving is fraught at the best of times, however when most decisions are out of your control (like choosing the carrier, nominating the dates etc) it's a two step backwards one step forward slow progress.

We're all ready to be packed on Tuesday, Wednesday (with Thursday as a contingency) however, the companies confirmed Wednesday/Thursday only. Seems the 3 hours it took the consultant to get here two weeks ago because of an accident on the M3 wasn't taken as a warning that the road out of London can be fraught with obstacles.

The fact that we have a dodgy private road, which is completely overgrown and so no large vehicles can drive down - they packers will pack our things and pop them into a small truck which will drive to the bigger truck, unload and return empty to do it goodness knows how many more times. The time to do this obviously has been ignored too as a 3 day move has turned into a 2 day move.

THEN we find out the truck driving our stuff over will be unloading our things into a warehouse so that a local carrier can pack it up again and delivery it to our new home - so much for door-to-door confirmation (and rushing to find a home in order to provide them with an address)

I've been packing clothes and a pantry items into suitcases and shopping bags to put into the boot of the car as we're driving up .... all going to plan until THIS MORNING when the local carrier phoned to confirm earliest delivery to the house is w/c August 19-23 which means we're in the house for just over a week with ..... wiht .... not much.

Based on experience, and the desire NOT to purchase inexpensive crappy stuff to 'make do til ours arrives' I'm packing a set of sheets for each of us, towels, 3 pieces of crockery, 3 sets of crockery, 3 coffee cups and a few cooking utensils.

The danger now is that all this stuff won't fit into the car! I'm going to ask the packers to help me on Thursday as there's no way I can do this on my own - the cases are too heavy to lift!

G's just emailed the carriers to ensure we get the earliest delivery possible as we were confirmed door-to-door, not door-to-storage-to-truck-to-door.

In addition to that packing I've been packing MissM and I for 4 nights in a hotel starting tomorrow night. Somehow it's harder than packing for a holiday.

A holiday is what I'm going to need after this week!!!!!!!!!

With friendship
x

Goodbye Winchester

Winchester Cathedral

Adventure No 3 started on October 11, 2011. We moved into Hinton House on November 4. We'll be moving out August 10.

Hinton House. We lived on the left hand side of the house,
(still a very large home!)

It's been a tough adventure this time round - I'm not sure I'm ready to share why it's been tough, but suffice to say there's a huge part of me that's very happy to be closing the chapter on Adventure No 3.

Have you ever felt that way? Happy something is coming to an end?

Thinking about the last two years, there are things of course we'll miss; some things we won't and there's a lot to look forward to ......

Things I’ll miss:

Ikebana classes

Catching up with expat friends who have repatriated from Yokohama

Friends

My hairdresser

Living in a semi rural environment

Pottery classes

The outlook from every single window in our house

Our backyard on sunny days

Days out with English Heritage or National Trust

Exploring ruins, Abbey's, Churches and more.

Our vegie garden and gardner, Jo.

The beautiful thatched roofs on the 'hobbit houses'

Things I‘m happy to be leaving behind

The amount of time I've spent on my own.

Our house, funnily enough – too big when we don’t have guests

Living in a semi rural environment

The feeling of not belonging

The UK education system (at least the bit we've been exposed to)

Heart-FM South radio station

The weather (yeah yeah we're moving to Dublin)

G's incredibly long work hours (tho who knows what Dublin will be like)

Looking forward to:

Being busy

Renewing friendships

Reacquainting myself with International Women's Club

Finishing off the sight seeing from last time

MissM’s new school and all the wonderful opportunities and friendships waiting for her, and us.

Dinner and singing at Johnnie Foxes

G working more family friendly hours

Goodbye Winchester,

All the very best,

See you for a long weekend,

With friendship

x

Phase 6: House Hunting

We're getting THERE slowly but surely.

We're still waiting on confirmation of the dates for the packers to be here, but I'm acting like it's a done deal.

Already done a trip to the local tip to recycle a few things, and have another load ready to go tomorrow. Sorted thru clothes, linen, shoes, towels, pillows, and pantry.

Trampoline is down; sand table legs are off and table is cleaned; CD's are downloaded and in the bin.

Even packed two suitcases of clothes to take with us in the car!

G started house hunting online while we were away and found a stunning house.  He emailed the agent, requesting an appointment to view the house and had the appointment an hour ago.

Sadly tho, before he got there, I texted to let him know the website is saying the house has been let, but they have other similar houses in the area and call if you are interested.

The agent didn't show up.

G's furious!

Not only was it a really lovely house, the agent never phoned/emailed to tell him.

Strangely enough I am not angry or upset about the house (tho the agent not turning up or telling G before hand is very annoying) as it's a house - there are others to see and we'll end up in the one we should be in ..... this one wasn't meant to be.

Fingers crossed I'm still this calm and philosophical next week, or the week after when we're still looking,


With friendship
x

Phase 5: Packing - Deja Vu

AHHHHHHH! Bubble wrap.

Welcome back.

It's been less than 2 years since we were together, and so many memories come rushing back as I hear the pop pop pop as the new roll is unwrapped.

There was so much of you the last time we were together, it was rather overwhelming. I did try to salvage as much as possible for future use, as I know that there will always be another time you'll come in handy, but there was just so much of you that sadly some of you went into the recycling bin.

Some of the saved pieces were used to wrap gifts that were sent to Sydney and elsewhere in the world;  other pieces were used to protect our precious Christmas decorations in their new shiny plastic air tight bins (the boxes were getting mouldy in the cellar). MissM popped a LOT of you just for fun.

G kindly bought a huge roll yesterday, similar to the ones in the photograph. He smirked at me and said 'see how much is left from this lot'

It took me nearly an hour of slicing sheets of bubble wrap and delicately folding each piece of MissM's sentimental bits'n'bobs on her Memory Table like fish'n'chips, making sure that each fairy wing was protected, or that each piece of china/porcelain would be cushioned while in the packing box.

Each piece has a story to share.

Where we were; who we were with; how old MissM was at the time; other things that might have happened around the same time; their place in MissM's life.

There's the Eiffel Tower and Moulin Rouge windmill from our time in Paris; there's the Chinese twins we saw outside numerous restaurants while living in Chinatown in Yokohama; there's the Golden Pavilion, Kyoto (weekend with Nana), magnificent Sakura floating in a glass ball; the 4 seasons Kokeshi dolls; A droplet of Guinness cousin J left for you on his first visit to Ireland; Sydney Tower, the Opera House and Harbour Bridge from 'home' and many more precious memories from our various homes and trips.

Fairies holding crystals received as birthday gifts, a bottle of Fairy Dust your cousin S left for you when they visited,  the doll MsS gave you from South Africa as a gift when we left Yokohama, the Degas Ballet dancers from us as birthday gifts, and more.

If you keep collecting memento's at this rate, goodness knows how many memory tables you'll need by the time you move out of home!

What a wonderful way to remember and treasure your Adventures! Much better than collecting tea towels or thimbles.

It's not only MissM's memories that you help protect.

I usually try to keep as many boxes as possible from the original purchase as this helps greatly in ensuring our things move safely but sometimes it's not always possible (plus not everything comes in a box)

ALL MissM's pottery produced at school these past two terms is now encased in the protection of bubble wrap along with the 4 pieces I made.

As I'm wrapping our precious memories into bubble wrap, I can't help but think I've done this before; and I'll do it again in a few weeks when we UNwrap things and find each of them new locations within our new house. I'll find a place to store all the wrapping, MissM will pop some, some will be wrapped around gifts posted to Sydney .... then the rest will be recycled as there'll be too much to keep.

Then, we'll find out in 2-3 years we're moving and I'll ask G to buy an industrial size roll of bubble wrap to wrap all our precious memories in .... plus a few more we're sure to collect over the next Adventure.

Bubble wrap - I couldn't move with out you.


With friendship
x

Phase 5: Packing'n'Moving

You'd think you' not worry about packing'n'moving until you had a house to move to, but an expat knows, more often than not, you pack'n'move FIRST then worry about the house at the other end.

Our shipment from Sydney to Dublin took nearly 2 months and was devoid of electrical appliances.

Dublin to Yokohama was about 6 weeks, also devoid of electrical appliances plus no lounge suite (and other items we'd accumulated in Dublin but didn't think would fit into a new home in Japan).

Yokohama to the UK was about 5 weeks, you guessed it, no electrical items.

The first stage in a move is for a quote to be done, and a tally of all your worldly possessions so that the company can say 'wow you have a lot of stuff' and then you negotiate for a bigger allocation of container space, which you will more often than not loose.

The fact that we all live differently all over the world isn't a consideration.

The assumption that every family like ours (2 adults, one child) has the same amount of stuff is ludicrous!

We were just under our allocation leaving Japan and are leaving the UK with a trampoline, out door dining setting, electrical (cos we can this time!!!!!!!!!!! Power and plugs are the same!!!!!!!!!!!!!), several small Ikebana vases, a 'few' more framed pieces of artwork, a few more clothes (tho we've had a thorough sorting), a Dyson, 3 small picnic chairs (if push comes to shove, we can leave these), and food - we can take pantry food with us this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like any move organising redirection of mail has to be organised, cancelling subscriptions, purging/cleaning cupboards, wardrobes; cleaning all our door furniture, dismantling trampolines or other play equipment; unplugging all electrical equipment and labelling all the cords; finding instructions to rebuild anything you've dismantled has ot be done.

Plus, with an international move, you've usually got to get rid of food stuffs; alcohol; make detailed lists of CDs or DVD's (name, rating, category); pack for what you will need while you wait for shipment separately; organise visa's (as corporate movers, work does this for us); notify embassy you are leaving/arriving; best to back up ALL computers just-in-case; ensure there's time to sell, give away or dump whatever you're not taking.

You are seldom allowed to pack stuff due to insurance, but I do pack our most valuable possessions (usually those with sentimental value as opposed to monetary) like MissM's memory table stuff and other ornaments. I pop them back into the boxes they came in, or smother the item in tissue paper or bubble wrap into shoe boxes. These are left open so the packers can see what's in them, before they seal them.

I'm itching to get going with this as it's time consuming and fiddly but for some reason it seems too early to be doing this tho I know in a week or two I'll be running out of time.

Sometimes your stuff won't arrive for weeks after you do, so you need somewhere to live in between or have rented furniture where you will be living. We are fortunate that we have serviced apartments until our things arrive, so usually we are paying rent on a property we aren't able to move into.

The company moving us 'should be contacting' me by the end of the week to come do the inventory which will tell them the space we'll need. Then the fun will come when G has to negotiate with work for (probably) slightly more.

Then we can make a date to come pack'n'move.

Then we can make a date for the car to go on the ferry (driving instead of flying which is novel)

Then we can make a date for the final cleaning of the house.

Then we can make a date for the final inspection.

Then we'll get our bond back (and put it towards a holiday)

Thank goodness our wonderful relocation manager is back to finalise everything once we've gone.


With friendship
x

Phase 3: The Household Purge

If there's one thing I love about moving, it's a damn good spring clean and purge.

The spring clean is done by professional cleaning company, so that's probably why I don't mind. I'm great at organizing and tidying but hopeless when it comes to cleaning.

The Household Purge is my favorite, and sometimes most emotional part of moving.

I'm a sentimental soul (we have 5 huge moving boxes in the cellar full of MissM's baby books, clothes, soft toys) so not everything gets purged, but we do have to keep things to a minimum courtesy of our employer. I still have, well MissM has my first proper doll, my first dolls pram, Chi-chi (soft cat given to me by my Uncle and Aunt when I was a year old) and my first Winne The Pooh book.

Our employer limits all expats to a set amount of container space based purely on the number of people in the family. A friend had a fight with HR based on 'how dare you tell me how I should live by limiting me to what I can take with me for the next 3+ years away from home' and evolved into 'Australians, like Americans tend to live in large sprawling homes, unlike Europeans who tend to live in smaller apartments. Of course we have a lot of stuff' (and the are empty nesters)

My friend 'won' and was able to take her home gym, formal and informal dining and formal and informal living with her along with bedroom furniture and other bits'n'pieces, and the dog on 3 Adventures.

Alternatively, some companies dictate you can only take clothing and a few personal items, and they will store your furnishings and rent you what you need at the other end. Now, in Japan that's fine, cos you get an enormous selection of stunning furntiure, from modern western style to Japanese, Chinese and Korean. At the end of the contract, you can buy your furniture for a fraction of it's retail price. Most of the families who do this, do so with 'going home' in mind and select items they will take when they return home.

While our option is limiting, at least we have our stuff with us. Memories from Sydney (artwork, books, photos), Ireland (artwork, books, photos), Japan (artwork, books, photos', ornaments, Ikebana stuff) and we'll have memories from here too - yep, one more piece of artwork, books and photos.

The books are from exhibitions, or places we've visited and really enjoyed. We don't do fiction anymore, just coffee table memory books, usually soft cover (lighter in weight)

The most obvious purge of all is food, right? Several weeks on a seafaring container. YUK.
You slow down the amount of shopping you do weeks before the move, then a day or two prior to packers coming in you invited friends around with Tupperware containers to go thru your pantry, fridge, freezer (include laundry) and take what they want. I'd been to a few of these get togethers in Japan, and hosted one when we left. It's fun and can get quite manic even between friends.

Go now and open your pantry and SEE how much stuff you have that, let's be honest, have you ever used? It reminds me of Michael McIntyre's skit about the herbs'n'spices. If you've not seen it, here it is

We usually end up throwing out the spices used for Christmas pud each move, and Chinese 5 Spice, and friends relish taking the rest. And OIL. How many different types of OIL do we now have to have?

The hilarious part to this Purge is as soon as you land at your New Adventure you have to go to the supermarket and STOCK UP on everything you've just got rid of! This move however, will be a short truck trip up'n'over the water, so we'll be able to take all our food but for fridge/freezer stuff. Finally, we get to take things with us!

Then there's the electrical's - depending on where you are moving from and going to this might also involve purging.

We sold, gave away, left every single piece of electrical equipment we owned in Sydney before moving to Ireland, only to have to replace most of it (tho we've never owned a microwave since, and I still use my GHD hair tongs with a converter).

Business colleagues of G's have the shortest electrical cords on all their things cos they opt to cut the cord and change the plug and run thru a transformer rather than buy new items.

The Car - yep, it gets flogged too. In Sydney, FIL bought our car; Ireland we sold it to friends moving to the UK; Japan we sold it back to the dealer who sold it to friends whose car died and they only needed it for a few months before they repatriated; and this move, we get to take ours with us this time!

In fact, we'll pack the car with clothes and food and DRIVE ourselves to Dublin. It's just like moving from one part of Sydney to another. A normal move.

Clothes change as well depending on where you live. I thoroughly enjoyed throwing out every single piece of summer clothing I bought in Japan. Not one piece actually suited me, but it was so frickin' hot, I had no choice. MissM has the nicest summer wardrobe out of the 3 of us, tho its seldom worn these days.

We definitely own more pairs of boots than when we lived in Sydney, and less sandals.

The Household Purge is done on a room by room basis and goes something like this:

Bedrooms:
Linen gets a good look at, hence we don't have 'old' sheets or towels.
Clothes get sorted - if it hasn't been worn in 2 years its tossed, if MissM has outgrown stuff etc.
Blankets - really need to do somethign with these as they haven't been unpacked from Japan!

Dining Room:
Sideboard - not much gets purged from here as we're down to bare minimum for entertaining as it is.

Home Office:
AH! Here's where most work is done; paperwork gets scanned and filed on disc; unused CD's get thrown away; old mobile phones get recycled; various receipts no longer needed but kept 'just in case' get recycled; things we, correction G hoards for no apparent reason. He has one huge plastic tub full, no overflowing with bits. It moves with us every move and is seldom sorted thru.

Bathroom:
Drugs - out of date drugs get chucked down the loo.
Makeup - sorted.
MissM's hair clips, ties and bands - sorted.

Kitchen:
Fridge/freezer/pantry
Assess what food needs to be eaten!

Laundry:
Ikebana branches and twigs - mulch.
Tablecloths - sorted, washed/recycled
Grog - sorted (have to check on import status)

There's so little to do this time round as we've purged as much as we can. My AHA Moment is all about realising how little we actually need to own to live well and happily. When I think we still have half a house of furniture in storage in Sydney!

We were packed very very tightly to leave Japan and be within our specified allotment of space, this time round the packers are going to have to do an even tighter pack - trampoline, outdoor setting (table and 8 chairs), several new Ikebana containers, a few more books, coffee machine, bread maker, toaster, kettle, Dyson vaccum cleaner, steam mop and a one or two more things are all additional in the past 20 months and need to come with us.

Still, nothing like doing it one more time to be sure.

With friendship
x

Subscribe To The New, Unsubscribe To The Old

I've spent the past half hour or so unsubscribing from goodness-knows-why-I-subscribed-in-the-first-place pages online.

As soon as you know where you are going, you Google stuff, and more often than not, hit that SUBSCRIBE button as fast as the judges on The Voice when they hear someone they want on their team.

You want that information and you want it NOW.

You need that information to be delivered seamlessly, on a regular basis into your inbox.

You rely on that information for smooth landing.

It starts with obvious things like rental property listings for your new local area; transport links and more.

It soon morphs into restaurant pages, National Trust (or similar), transport options, theatres, cinemas, newspapers and more. New friends tell you about a fantastic place so you Google it and if they offer a SUBSCRIBE NOW option you take it for fear of missing out on Very Important information.

I was so bored last summer I started looking for online survey companies and subscribed to several companies. I even joined a Mystery Shopper website and received numerous emails on a daily basis and never once took up an offer (didn't fit criteria, or were at an inconvenient location, or a silly time)

Soon, your inbox is receiving more mail from new local businesses than from friends.

In addition to SUBSCRIBING you 'friend' companies on FB. Now you are receiving information AND commentary from existing customers.

Like changing your bank, for some reason UNsubscribing is never easy.

As quickly as you find something NEW to subscribe to, you're removing yourself off what is now considered 'old' and no longer needed.

Every day there seems to be one more subscription to be deleted. I'm having a good giggle at some of the more interesting ones trying to remember what possessed me to subscribe in the first place, while others are there for 'just in case'

Shakespeare's Globe - sure, it would be nice to attend A performance, but did I need to get regular updates?
Official London Theatre - talk about being optimistic about getting up to London monthly for shows.
Dining out in London - weekly news from the London restaurant scene.
National Trust - yep, used that one.
English Heritage - yes, that was useful for getting special events into the diary.
Hampshire Chronicle Newspaper - these guys really need to improve the quality and amount of daily news items being sent out online.
Shutterfly - I did one album online with this company once and still receive their updates.
Ticketek Australia - just incase we buy someone a voucher for a gift.
Southern Railways - they asked for my email when we purchased the family pass, little did I know they'd be sending me so many emails (some have been very welcomed while others complete waste of time)
Ladies Who Lunch - fabulous site! Been very useful, thank you Ladies Who Lunch.
Club Med - wishful thinking!
DUBli.com - I will pay someone good money to show me how to unsubscribe from this once and for all.
InterNations - sadly there wasn't a group near us, but it's nice to know it's there (just in case maybe?)
Oprah.com - Like millions of people all over the world I love Oprah and subscribing seemed liked a good idea at the time, but ppppplllllllleeeeeeeeaaaaaassssssseeeeeeee how do I remove myself from their mailing list?
Tesco - timely sales and shopping reminders
Sainsbury - same as Tesco.
Don't get me started on Nectar and all the subsiduaries! Very annoying.
BOOTS
Debenhams

There was also Harrods for a while, then I realized I'm seldom in London nor can I afford to shop there, subscribing was of no use really. Marks and Spencers didn't really offer anything special online, so they also didn't last long.

I've already deleted Marwell Park, Marwell Zoo, InTech, Secretescapes and more.

Curiously, my inbox is still overflowing with information I've elected to receive from interesting businesses THERE, which I hope will result in a soft landing.

What do you subscribe to?
How relevant is the information?
Could you happily UNsubscribe?
Which pages do you LOVE?


With friendship
x

Ladies Who Lunch ........

Not much has changed over the decades.

Ladies love to lunch.

We love the time out from thinking about preparing a meal, we love catching up with girl friends and relaxing over good food (and a drink or two)

Sharing lunch is different to going out for dinner. Not sure why, but it is. Trying to get out for dinner without husbands can be difficult - mid week means trying to organise a sitter for the kids and it's usually over their dinner/bath/bed time, so not always great; hard to have a late night midweek when there's the 6am alarm the next day and you have to face the school run and/or work.

Lunch is easy - kids at school; husbands at work and you can always pick up take away on the way home if you finish late and don't have time or inclination to cook dinner.

I love the occasional night out with my girlfriends, but LUNCH is a whole other experience. It's a bit naughty to have the time mid day mid week to just sit and well, lunch.

MrsH very kindly offered to drive us to Avoca for our lunch, despite not attending. It was lovely to have just another 30 minutes together, and I got to meet her youngest daughter.

MrsS and I knew the second we were coming to Dublin that we'd lunch at Avoca.

The brand is one of Ireland's most popular exports. It's the oldest woollen mills and one of the worlds oldest manufacturing companies. It's also Ireland's oldest surviving businesses. Dating back to the 1700's it's truly an Irish icon.

I was surprised to see some of their lavender skin care products on sale in Sydney when we were last home. You can shop online, so as a very famous Australian used to say 'do yourself a favour' and Google it. But it's their scarves and wraps and blankets that take your breath away - the textures and colours are beautiful.

We invited a few friends to join us,  as the IWCD Reunion activities weren't starting til Friday night. As word got around, the invitation list grew and MrsS thought it best to post a FB event/invite list so that we didn't miss anyone.

Twenty one ladies met for lunch, with several apologies of 'love to join you but can't make it'

The staff were gracious and welcoming. They'd set us up a long table by the main windows and we felt like we had that section of the restaurant to ourselves.

Each time someone took the walk from the entrance to the table, someone would shout their arrival. With arms outstretched, and faces ready to be kissed (once on each check), the you-look-fabulous and you-haven't-change-a-bit and -oooohhhh-I've-missed-you were spoken.

The giggles and conversation simply didn't stop.

We caught up on people's international moves; their kids; we compared moves, shared stories from various International Women's Clubs, talked about potential moves, repatriation, what trips we've done, and plans for summer.

MrsS, MrsC and I were the last to leave at 5.30pm (I felt a wee bit homesick for the fabulous group of women I met at Chicken and Chablis in Tokyo).  Not only did we reconnect with old friends, we've left having made a few new ones.

We caught the LUAS back to the hotel and passed our old home. What a rush of good memories! This made me so very homesick for Sydney - a genuine yearning for HOME.

Between good times with good friends, then seeing the house,  OMG it was taking a lot to keep it together.

Quick shower'n'change, and off we went to MrsB for the IWCD Friday Night Drinks. Some ladies left early-ish to attend a charity event, while others (including us) opted to stay and chat (and drink)

So much champagne, so much food, so much love in the room.

I won't post photos as i don't have their permission but rest assured they are lovely.

I had a restless night's sleep. Too much going on in my head. I'm thinking about much loved friends in Sydney and feeling sad that we've not managed to get back since the quake; I'm thinking about friends in Japan and those who have moved onto new adventures and how scattered we are and when, if ever we'll be able to Lunch; I'm picturing our move to THERE and the things needed to be done to establish a network, and make friends.

There have been a few AHA! Moments this weekend but the biggest one is, I am an expat. I am a global nomad. Sydney is where I'm from and home, but home is also Dublin, and Yokohama, and of course, Winchester.

Thank goodness where ever I am, there's friends to meet for  LUNCH,

With Friendship
x

Gotta love the transition phase

On Friday, in a meeting, it was announced that G will be leaving. He's still not received a contract to sign, but all the powers that be have been having pow-wows about The Move for weeks now behind closed doors, so they felt confident that an announcement to the internal team was appropriate.

On Tuesday he will fly THERE with his new boss to meet'n'greet the client, despite still not having a contract to sign.

G will be back THERE next week for one day.

Then in 3 weeks time, he'll be THERE Monday - Thursday (in other words, no longer working in the UK) until we move sometime over summer.

Maybe between now and then he'll receive the contract to sign.

This happens every move (this is our 4th) - the new team need you yesterday, while the old team don't want you to leave at all, so a compromise is made between the managers. It's organizational internal bargaining at it's best.  The upshot is always G spends more time in hotel rooms and on planes between offices, ramping one role up, while handing over the original role.  He's literally doing two jobs at once. MissM and I see him he's shattered as there's always flights and time zones to deal with.

The transition phase is always interesting. This one is particularly short, unlike previous moves, so we'll see which we prefer. When we moved from Sydney to Ireland G did several trips back'n'forth and they were awful - long haul international flights, different time zones, jet lag, office politics.We were novices when it came to the actual  move. Ireland to Japan was a wee bit easier but again, there were a couple of trips (one for a week, and one for nearly 3 weeks) before we moved as a family. And the packers in Ireland were awful which never helps a stressed out expat wife. Japan to the UK took 6 months between the offer being made and G visa being stamped. Think he did two or 3 trips in that 6 months, so not bad at all.

This is by far the quickest - less than 6 weeks from offer to first meet'n'greet.

An interesting twist to this move is G's parents will be with us in two weeks, til the beginning of August They've had the trip planned for months. They know he's been working mad hours so weren't expecting to see much of him during the week, tho surely one or two dinners wouldn't be too much for them to ask. Tho they won't be prepared for me organizing the move, doing goodbyes and being there for MissM who'll be wrapping up her time at school here.

We p-l-a-n to pack'n'move immediately after they leave so we can settle in for the last few weeks of summer holidays before school starts. Still gotta find ourselves a new home!

We've told MissM that G needs to go THERE this week and next, just for a day to help K out. We'll deal with 'Monday-Thursday' in a week or two. We figure with Grandma and Pa here, she won't mind as much. Being such a daddy's girl, G being away for work never goes down well.

So with G starting to work the transition phase, in-laws arriving, mid term holidays fast approaching, starting to organize things for the move; checking out schools; sourcing moving quotes and more the next few weeks will be FUN FUN FUN

Gotta love the transition phase (at least I know what to expect)

With friendship
x

Looks like we're moving THERE

My goodness this new opportunity is moving fast! Looks like Adventure No 4 is imminent. It's still a secret, so please remember to keep it to yourself, thanks.

We're moving THERE (pending contract)

YONDER haven't got back to G in a few days. We've had more time to research and discuss YONDER and had pretty much decided that it wasn't for us, so it's a relief that THERE is happening.

THERE have discussed and agreed to details of remuneration albeit it verbally, which leaves HR to dot the i's and cross the t's and issue paperwork. Which funnily enough still doesn't mean it's a done deal, tho by the time we're at this stage we fell confident but you just don't know til the ink is dry on that contract.

They need G to start ASAP which means MissM and I will be left to fend for ourselves over the next several weeks as G flies THERE and back Monday - Thursday until we pack the house and move early August (MissM will finish out the school year here). This will surely make for some interesting chats over the coming months.

G's parents arrive May 18 - August 2nd. They know he's working mad crazy hours and weren't expecting to see him during the week. However, we're not quite sure how to tell them he won't be around at all, other than weekends which sux. In fact, we have to tell them, and my family we're outta here at some point.

They are taking MissM away for a few nights over May midterm and we're planning on a city break. Told G this evening that this is not negotiable even with the new role! If he can't join me, I'll go on my own and I mean it!

There's nothing to tell people until the contract is signed.

We've decided we don't want to announce it too soon as we don't want school or friends to check out early - we also don't want MissM having to deal with the next few months knowing we're moving - a couple of weeks towards the end of term will be enough.

It's only been 18 months since we arrived, and slightly less since our shipment arrived and I opened 128 boxes and set up this house, but in many ways it feel so much longer.

In a really weird way, I'm looking forward to the packers being here,

With friendship
x

ssshhhhh! it's still a secret

This morning there were 3 text messages, and one email all asking the same question where's THERE and YONDER'

It's really pleasing to know that there are friends taking time to read ms-havachat as I really enjoy writing each chat. Once again, THANK YOU!

THERE and YONDER are still a secret as there's no way I want to jinx either one, however, talking about them even in loose terms is very helpful, as there's no one close by who would really understand the 'guess what' of the texts G received, or the call to action we're experiencing.

Even in an expat community you tend to keep this phase quiet - when we were leaving Japan for here, we couldn't say anything public until contracts were signed because there were so many families at school with the same company that if word got back who knew what the ramifications might have been. Of course people in Sydney knew and BF's in Japan knew - gosh, I can't keep that quiet!

The chatter about who's leaving when and where they are going is always fun tho. It usually starts around April/May as most people opt to leave over summer so they can settle into their new home and be ready for school to start in Sept (talking northern hemisphere obviously)

FB is great for keeping up with who's moving where and when. Love receiving messages saying 'not sure if you know but so-and-so-family is moving to Timbuktu. Don't say anything til they announce it on FB'

The vast network of friends and acquaintances that very quickly builds up happens because of this migration of human beings.

Friends used to live here, now live there, and you knew someone from there that lived here so they should meet for coffee.

The other interesting observation is people's reactions - both those who are leaving, and those being left.

MrsK shared with me her experience years ago - she landed in Tokyo and started to make friends thru school. She eventually found herself in a regular group and noticed that one lady who was very open and welcoming at first had become cold and, well rude. Ignoring people generally, not being involved in things. MrsK was concerned and asked if something was wrong, was the woman unwell, had she had bad news, could they help? The answer was a simple everything's fine other than they are leaving ...... she's not recruiting, she's getting ready to go (in 3 months)

This woman had decided because they were moving onto a new adventure that she was 'checking out' of the current one, not 'recruiting' new friends, and pulling back from activities ....... the other side of the same situation is that the person leaving keeps engaged in what's going on around them but the people who are not moving on, close ranks, start to exclude the one leaving, learn to cope without them around.

I've seen both happen and still don't really understand either.

We hang on to what's going on around us til we leave for the airport and we hang onto friends well, forever .....

Not being in an expat community has been fraught with all sorts of issues which I'll probably feel more comfortable chatting about once we've moved on but what I do know is that no one here will understand the phone call/offer/going/not going/back on/oops of it all, so no point talking about it.


Update:

'He' phoned G back yesterday with approval for the type of contract being offered (the company has several different expat contracts depending on the country you are from and where you are heading to). It's a very pleasing contract, but it's still not in writing and there's still the issue of a written job spec. Can't accept a job without knowing what the job is, right?

The people from YONDER haven't replied to G's last email. G has given what little he knows about it some thought and has a lot of questions to ask, before doing any more considering, so I've also stopped doing my research.


It's funny, as in funny weird not funny HA HA that I can share with you what's going on but we've not told our parents or immediate family that we 'might' be moving. It wont' be a surprise to any of them, however, THERE and YONDER are not close to Sydney but they do offer excellent travel opportunities!

As Mum often says, who knew I'd live in Dublin for 3 months, spend 6 weeks in Japan and return to England - she often asks G where's next, and if it's ok if she starts saving to visit.

We've decided now we know there's a very good chance we'll be moving onto Adventure No 4 soon, that we need to focus on a few things:

• Prioritize our UK Bucket List to ensure we do the things we really want to do in terms of tourist experiences. The fact that the weather is improving, and G's parents are here means we'll do a lot anyways, and the long summer vacation helps too.
• Finish the photo albums from Japan - I've never been so behind in album work. 
• Finalize the UK photo albums - doing them online which is easier.
• Go thru the house with a eager eye and de-clutter (not that we have that much left to declutter, but I'm sure I'll find a few things)
• Make a list of what to sell depending on if we go  (a) THERE or (b) YONDER as each destination is very different and housing opportunities will be different.
• I need to focus on my pottery as there's a few specific Ikebana vases I'd like to create.

At the end of the day, like most things, there's only a few ways this 'thing' will go.

Both offers will fizzle out, or we'll decline both of them (doubtful!)
One offer will fizzle out, leaving only one to consider..
Two will be worthy of consideration and we have the luxuary of choosing.

We're quietly hoping that G's signing contracts sooner rather than later so MissM can finish the school year out here, plus G's parents are here mid May - early August and we can move over summer to start the new school year either THERE or YONDER.

But please remember, it's still a secret,

With friendship
x

Mention a City by name and Google schools

There's a moment in every expat's life, when the employed expat comes home or texts 'would you live THERE?' or 'I've had an offer'

With those short sentences, for a day, a week or longer your life can be turned upside down and inside out. More often than not it amounts to nothing, but every so often it amounts to the next adventure.

G came home last night and asked me if I'd consider moving to, let's call it, THERE as he'd been called by 'him' and told to 'pack' cos there's a desperate need for G's expertise.

My instant reaction was really? After a few minutes, I said, THERE sounds interesting. Really!? THERE?

Guess most expats have a list of criteria they use to consider each move. It might involve formal discussion within the family unit, or it might be subconscious, but trust me, when a move is imminent, this is what's discussed to varying degrees.

• Be a promotion
• Remuneration.
• Quality of Life style.
• Safety (tho there are some families who live apart as the work is done in dangerous places)
• Health (as in medical care)
• Quality of education - this can also read consistency of curriuclum depending on the age of the kids.
• Perks - some industries do still offer perks as part of expat packages.
• Gets you out of an unhappy current situation
• Some are as simple as 'always wanted to live there'
• Others are a chance to work in Head Office
• Are we ready to leave where we are?
• How longs the contract?
• What'll I (as in the unemployed partner) do to fill in time?

There's also a group of expats who don't have a choice. The company simply says - at the end of this contract we'd like you to go here and you do. These days that's still mainly the realm of diplomats and military personnel and the top echelons of business (CEO's, CTO's etc)

Fortunately we still have a choice.

While cooking dinner I couldn't help but text 'his' wife and teased her with 'your husband wants mine to pack his bags and for us to go THERE' and she said 'really, sounds great.' Then a few seconds later she texted 'you for real?' As an expat in the same company she knows the drill.

Our next response is similar to a surprise visitor ringing and saying 'in the neighbourhood, thought I'd pop over for a cuppa' and you all run around like headless chickens tidying up the place. You all know what needs to be done and just do it.

G and I sat on the couch after a quick dinner googling things that are of priority in terms of 'shall we move to THERE?' As this is potentially our 4th move, we're feeling pretty confident about what decisions need to be made in order to make a final one of to move or not to move THERE.

I googled International Schools to discover there's a few to choose from, depending on where G's office is located  (we always base the house/school on the location of the office as best we can) and two are very attractive propositions. But there's no point contacting them as we have no idea where this opportunity will go.

Next on my list was rental properties (G had already done his quick google search) and fortunately we were looking in similar areas, remembering we know where the office is.

International Women's Clubs or similar was my next entry into Google Search. YES, there is an an IWC and an American Women's Club and a Welcome Newcomers group.

Next, checked out a few expat blog sites and looked up a few bloggers living THERE to see what they are chatting about ...... curious comments, very interesting city, broad range of activities for the weekend and lots of sight seeing opportunities. Sounds promising.

Then of course Googled THERE itself to see what their tourist commission says, read about it's history, climate, economy and more.

G was looking at the intranet for work to see if the role was being advertised. No, so it's another one of those 'you were recommended' opportunities which are always such a pleasure to receive. Seems the hard work, long hours etc are worth it all within context of course.

He also looked on the Australian Governments DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) to see what they are advising about THERE.



While we were ensconced in the what if's of moving THERE G's email made it's little noise of recognition that something new had been received. He shook his head and laughed ........ what? An request gauging his interest to move YONDER as he'd been 'highly recommended by several colleagues'

We laughed so loud and long ... really!? Two opportunities in one day .... is the universe telling us something.

So we googled YONDER.

I texted a friend who's from YONDER and explained this might very well result in nothing, but G has had an email asking him would he consider a move to YONDER and I was wondering what she could tell me about it'

As MsB is also an expat she fully understands this could be a flash-in-the-pan, or not, and was very gracious with her response.

So, I googled International Schools in YONDER, in addition to International Women's Clubs and checked out a few expat blog sites while G looked at the intranet for the role and again, not advertisement just an email based on recommendations.

We went to be around 1.30am feeling rather pleased with ourselves. We know a lot more about THERE and YONDER and for now, both are appealing, tho THERE is slightly ahead than YONDER.

Will we move over summer?  WHO KNOWS?

Will it be THERE or YONDER?  WHO KNOWS?

All I know for sure, as an expat family this is how our life rolls every 2-4 years.

We always wait til contracts are signed before sharing the news with MissM, and parents and friends. There's not that much room on this roller coaster.

It's exciting, scary, time consuming, frustrating, emotional and can amount to nothing, or it's all those things plus bittersweet when you make the decision to go cos you're sad to leave where you are but excited about where you're going.

Either way, we are so thankful for the incredible opportunities we are offered, and the experiences we have and people we met along the way, so yes, it's worth it.

HUGE request - to those of you who live near us, or at school with us, this is a HUGE leap of faith in terms of trust. We've not said anything to anyone outside ms-havacht and would really appreciate you keeping what you've read between us as MissM has no idea, and well, really there's nothing much to say, despite me filling a page!

With friendship
x